Saying "I've changed" is a meaningless thing. How did he change? Did he take time to understand why he did what he did? What did he learn about himself? Did he tell you what character flaw led him down that path? What life changes did he make to ensure that he would never be tempted to do that again?

If the only thing he can point to are wholly external things, cutting contact with his affair partner, giving you access to all his electronic, those aren't really him changing anything. He didn't tell you about the cheating. She did. She either felt guilt for doing it or she was retaliating against him for breaking it off. Either way he didn't feel guilty for having done what he did, only for getting caught.

If all he can give you are the words "I've changed", you're insecurity is valid.

Now what? I think your boyfriend and you should consider couples counseling and your boyfriend should discuss why he did what he did.

Monogamy is imperative when the relationship started that way and 1 person still wants it. It's a hill worth dying on. You are well within your rights to basically say, "if you pursue a romantic or sexual relationship, emotionally or physically with anyone else, I will consider you to be a cheater and this relationship will be over!"

There are "ethical non-monogamous" relationships (like polyamory) out there but those only work when everyone wants it, everyone will benefit emotionally and physically and in all other ways from it, otherwise this is a nightmare in the making. If you cannot see yourself pursuing sexual or romantic relationships with other women, while in a relationship with your gf, and be supportive and happy with your gf while she dates and fucks other guys, then you should absolutely die on this hill.

Do not go there. You clearly don't want it.

The money is gone she spent it on who knows

You can be "nice" about this and demand she start repaying you or you can be less nice and go through the courts. However, you need proof that you gave her the money and why and all that and that might be tough.

If its a work laptop it will be required to be locked. Generally that's company policy. Personal laptop, open to interpretation... My daughter and son both have laptops that auto-lock. They are adults and neither of them are in relationships and their education on computer safety from myself and the local high school really hammered home the necessity of locking your laptop.

If you are looking for proof of cheating, check his phone. That's where the apps will be and any communication apps (dm's through social media, snapchat, whatsapp, etc...)

Even IT people do dumb shit with their emails. That's coming from personal experience.

The thing that lends truth and credibility to your boyfriends idiocy is that its a sketchy website and not a phone app. If your bf had wanted to cheat he would probably stick to the more popular methods: Tinder or Bumble or OF. Sketchy website = instant identity theft with no sexy times. Everyone knows that, unless they are an imbecile.

DON'T CLICK THAT LINK!!!!!!

That's like information age safety 101. Never click a link in a suspicious email!

Its very possible he was telling the truth if he is as foolish as you are with spam emails.

Why on earth did you marry this guy? Why are still married? Why haven't you divorced him yet?

Really? Why???

As far as the "betrayal" goes, this is a situation where you are consuming a drug (alcohol, like caffeine, is a drug) that he objects to and he is trying to get you to stop using by getting his parents to pressure. From a certain point of view, some people would say he's doing a good thing. But given all the other bullshit it does come across as him being controlling and attempting to isolate you from your support.

What you should do is:

1. Stop drinking. Unless you're an addict this shouldn't be a problem. It completely undercuts his argument too.
2. Get a divorce lawyer
3. Destroy him in court.
4. After everything is done and custody, support, and all that is finalized, pour yourself a tall glass of your favorite and toast to your victory.

When you are in a committed monogamous relationship the only body count that matters is 1: your partner. You only have sex with your partner. Everything before the relationship doesn't matter.

Stop fixating on stupid stuff or you will destroy this relationship.