You didn't fuck up by telling a joke. You fucked up by being the joke. telling people about her private shit and "Haha jk relax" about not liking your partner aren't jokes

Less sugar, less driving. That's pretty much it yeah.

I think the fuck up is dating an alcoholic who only spends time with you at a bar and non jokingly criticizes you for not eating the way he likes.

You should be breaking up with him. Eat pasta however you want as long as you don't make a mess for others to clean up

He also asked for OPs phone to make the call and didn't seem like he was trying to hide it at all. I'm pretty sure A is fine with being recognized as gay.

Though calling him "the gay guy" isn't ideal, it was descriptive in that context for someone you barely know anything about and he doesn't sound bothered.

Good to know

Then I think you drastically underestimate the intersection of horny, drunk, and people who make unwise decisions.

Case and point, some people think it's perfectly fine to rip things out of people. That's WAY scarier and less defensible than letting someone finger you before you're sure your stitches finished desolving

Alternate timeline, she recently had surgery and you found a stitch/ staple/ fastener. You shredded and ripped out her uterus or something because for some reason you thought yanking things out of people without saying a single word was a reasonable thing to do.

Who the fuck yanks on things with no understanding or warning

Oatmeal

Grits are like oatmeal, but ground dried corn instead if ground dried oats

Congee is the same, but rice

Absol

OP missing the brain matter forest for the subatomic particle trees