Why do you fear leaving?

It’s because you are both worrying only about his feelings.

Who are you representing when you break up. His needs or yours? It’s supposed to be yours.

If he isn’t meeting your needs then what does begging change?

Focus on what you actually want. A healthy relationship and end this. Staying is just toxic.

Can you feel comfortable with someone that doesn't trust you and doesn't know themselves?

It's one issue for her to feel insecure but without her own personal drive to figure herself out and overcome those fears. They just become growing issues to you.

This has nowhere good to go, for you or her.

What's the point in her dating someone she doesn't trust? (Because that's ultimately the case.)

IDK in this case, is just avoidance without resolution.

You should ask her why she feels so insecure? Why doesn’t she feel trust with you?

Why do you want to date someone you fight over nonsense?

Is being single really harder than a pretend relationship?

A very important detail that makes this entire argument pointless.

How much IRL time do you spend together?

How often did you eat fish together?

Why did you think it was a wise choice?

Do you know her?

What do you plan to do to improve?

It would be perfectly understandable if you are at your end with it.

He doesn’t actually sound interested in changing. Being the permanent helpless victim may be his goal. It appeases him of responsibility.

He’s coping by giving up. It’s self destruction and you are on the ship with him.

How long has this been happening?

No. This is the him package. It hasn’t changed in years and it won’t.

It was a day one red flag. Learn from it for your next relationship.

You are wasting your years with someone not motivated.

👆

What does he want you to do?

What do you want him to do?

What do you want to do?

The 3 basic questions.

You’ve stated the fears but not the desired goals.

Why?

What does “on campus, he can’t come to me when I’m with friends” mean?

He won’t physically wake up and talk to you?

It’s more interesting how it appears she keeps expecting you to compromise. It’s okay to just let her be unhappy about it. She’s not willing to meet you half way. If this was truly an issue she has 9 months to figure it out. It wasn’t really important then.

Two last names are not an issue. Most people don’t even reference their middle names beyond an initial.

For whatever reason she’s becoming unhappy. This is no guarantee to fix it or benefit to the child.

But you have to decide your feelings. It’s really up to you and no one else can really tell you.

That’s apparent but is this just about an argument when you were 11?

If he's lost feelings then it's already done. You loving him, doesn't change that problem.

Have you decided to either make this work or stay single because you are losing time to find someone else.

Why wouldn't he be moving in with you? Shouldn't that be the test?

It proves his willingness to leave and whether you can make it together.

You sure you want to keep throwing time at this problem? How long would you give it until you make a decision?

Why can't you end it, go back to your country and stay there?

>He offered to help me get an apartment

You? If you break up?

Why can't you just go back to your country and stay there while ending this relationship?

You didn’t expect them but it doesn’t change that this was designed to fail.

How long do you think you can last like this?

This situation was designed to fail.

You left a situation you had complete control to live with a man that has none. When the relationship was failing long distance you should have let it go. You expected them to change in their own home. That’s not going to happen.

This situation is only going to get worse.

> What issue is bigger than harassment?

The fight that started this rift.

> Why are you defending someone who is repeatedly harassing someone else?

Because of the reasons for the harassment.

> Anyone who does this shit is a pathetic loser, without exception.

That’s ridiculous. You just skipped understanding reasons and judged without context.

> OP does not want this contact.

Yes. But is that really in his best interest? Wanting something doesn’t make it necessarily wise.

> Their father needs to get over himself.

He’s trying to by communicating.

> If he cared about OP, he wouldn't go against his wishes.

He may feel there are deeper issues and want to solve them.

> The father clearly doesn't give a damn about OP, or he would listen to what OP's actions say.

No. He just has a different goal.

> If you need me to be even more exhaustive in explaining this very simple concept, let me know.

Don’t worry. I explained it back for you instead.

Concerning you don’t see the bigger issues.

This is an issue that may be resolved with communication.

You would want your dad to give up on you. That’s unfortunate but explains a lot.

So you would want your dad to give up on you because at 11 you both had a fight and you left?

Then 10 years later, you still resented a childhood fight? Never trying to make up?