Submitted by SexySwedishSpy t3_124ge31 in Jokes
... so they sent Johnny out onto the porch with an ice-cream sandwich. Not wanting the boy to finish too quickly, his mother came up with an idea to keep him distracted.
"While you're eating that," she said, "watch the neighborhood and tell us everything interesting that you see."
A few minutes in to their lovemaking, Johnny's parents heard him yell his first report: "The Hendersons got a new car!"
"That's great!" answered his mother. "Keep looking!"
More time passed, and Johnny shouted again: "The Smiths are planting flowers!"
"Good job!" responded his father. "Keep looking!"
Another minute went by, and Johnny called out for a third time: "Mister and Missus Johnson are having sex!"
Johnny's parents abruptly stopped in their own activity. After a moment of silence, his mother replied with "How do you know that they're having sex, Johnny?"
"Because Billy Johnson is eating an ice-cream sandwich on their porch!"
Make_the_music_stop t1_jdzaixu wrote
A doctor is delivering Little Johnny. His head comes out and Johnny says “Hey, you my dad?”. The doctor is shocked, says no and Johnny shoots back inside the mother. The doctors calls the midwife over to have a look. Again the baby’s head pops out, “Hey, you my dad!?” The midwife says no and the baby shoots back inside the mother.
The doctor and midwife decide they better get the father who was too squeamish to be in the delivery room.
So the father looks between his wife’s legs. The baby’s head pops out again. “Hey, you my dad?”
Father “Yes!”
Little Johnny, “Well come here” and a tiny arm squeezes out, and starts to punch the top of the father’s head nonstop while shouting “HOW…WOULD…YOU…LIKE…THIS…TO…HAPPEN…EVERY…NIGHT…OF…YOUR…LIFE”