Little Johnny's parents wanted to have some "alone time" together...

Submitted by SexySwedishSpy t3_124ge31 in Jokes

... so they sent Johnny out onto the porch with an ice-cream sandwich. Not wanting the boy to finish too quickly, his mother came up with an idea to keep him distracted.

"While you're eating that," she said, "watch the neighborhood and tell us everything interesting that you see."

A few minutes in to their lovemaking, Johnny's parents heard him yell his first report: "The Hendersons got a new car!"

"That's great!" answered his mother. "Keep looking!"

More time passed, and Johnny shouted again: "The Smiths are planting flowers!"

"Good job!" responded his father. "Keep looking!"

Another minute went by, and Johnny called out for a third time: "Mister and Missus Johnson are having sex!"

Johnny's parents abruptly stopped in their own activity. After a moment of silence, his mother replied with "How do you know that they're having sex, Johnny?"

"Because Billy Johnson is eating an ice-cream sandwich on their porch!"

7,339

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

Make_the_music_stop t1_jdzaixu wrote

A doctor is delivering Little Johnny. His head comes out and Johnny says “Hey, you my dad?”. The doctor is shocked, says no and Johnny shoots back inside the mother. The doctors calls the midwife over to have a look. Again the baby’s head pops out, “Hey, you my dad!?” The midwife says no and the baby shoots back inside the mother.

The doctor and midwife decide they better get the father who was too squeamish to be in the delivery room.

So the father looks between his wife’s legs. The baby’s head pops out again. “Hey, you my dad?”

Father “Yes!”

Little Johnny, “Well come here” and a tiny arm squeezes out, and starts to punch the top of the father’s head nonstop while shouting “HOW…WOULD…YOU…LIKE…THIS…TO…HAPPEN…EVERY…NIGHT…OF…YOUR…LIFE”

1,386

Qalinx t1_jdzugbt wrote

Some guys rob a bank but all they could find were some yogurts. Feeling depressed that they have not found any money they eat all the yogurts and off they go. Next day, the boss comes back and ask the guard: mate, where do you keep the money in this bank ? The guard looks at him: we dont, this is a sperm bank.

159

SidratFlush t1_je0xtn1 wrote

Tablets/TV/Computer with headphones. Even if they are on a time limit at least the adults can plan ahead.

15

FlounderOdd7234 t1_je190jx wrote

I had 1 laugh of the day. In constant pain, I got a second. This one by myself out loud. Thx. It makes the day a bit easier

13

EduArt_Paper t1_je1aviq wrote

Looks like Billy Johnson is enjoying his own kind of "alone time" too!

0

eidoK1 t1_je1edfj wrote

Replying to SidratFlush (#2,421,290)

The original joke was by Yakov Smirnoff. The original was better. He said when he growing up his family was so poor they only had one room in the house/apartment/whatever it was, so they had him look out a window.

14

Cindexxx t1_je1olg4 wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#2,423,851)

The kid is eating ice cream on the porch while the parents are screwing, and the kid figured out their trick. They're just yelling to each other because there's a window open or something.

4

12altoids34 t1_je1y63m wrote

Replying to Catfrogdog2 (#2,424,161)

That is correct [insert appropriate personal pronoun] are 1000% [div by zero err. On err goto <start>] That is correct [insert appropriate personal pronoun] are 1000% [div by zero err. On err goto <start>]That is correct [insert appropriate...

12

Tulip-roots t1_je1yj5j wrote

This is such a stupid joke but it made me giggle LOL!!

4

oxvjisyj t1_je21ypb wrote

Wow, every night? Johnny's dad has some serious game.

2

Ornlu_Wolfjarl t1_je23cum wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#2,423,851)

Johnny's parents want to have sex, but don't want Johnny to be around or know about it. The implication is that Johnny is too young to know about sex. So they tell him to go eat an ice cream outside and give him a task to distract him, while they are having sex inside.

The joke is that despite the parents attempts at being stealthy, Johnny knows what sex is, and knows that him being outside and eating ice cream means his parents are having sex. But he still plays along with his parents' efforts for misdirection, and doesn't say it outright. Instead he tells them the neighbours are having sex, because their kid is doing exactly what he's doing.

5

yeetfeet353 t1_je2a73k wrote

Dear little Johnny,

There will soon be ghosts in your living room.

1

TheSlayerOfJellies t1_je3tsnu wrote

It took me way too long to realise why my parents always took “Sunday naps” 😂

3

Eggslaws t1_je424ln wrote

Little Johnny’s parents never learnt their lesson from 3 days ago.

1

12altoids34 t1_je7ak04 wrote

Replying to TuxedoDogs9 (#2,442,594)

Don't feel bad. As any programmer/coder could tell you my knowledge of programming is extremely outdated. I did the majority of my programming on an Apple 2 plus. I also took Fortran and cobol and got a C minus in each of them back in 1984/85

1