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xiangzi1113 t1_j69qgwj wrote

This the funniest joke I have seen sofa.

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cookerg t1_j6a0wxg wrote

That's all they've taken sofa

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Make_the_music_stop t1_j6a49ds wrote

I was wakened at 3am by a crashing noise...I went down the stairs, cricket bat in hand, only to come face to face with an intruder stepping through my front door. He was armed with a crowbar but a swift crack of the willow round his head dropped him and he was spark out for enough time for me to grab a short length of rope. After hog-tying him in the hallway I went in the kitchen and made myself a cup of Coco. The bloke was conscious again when I returned. I stepped over him and began climbing the stairs. He said “Wait, aren’t you gonna call the police?”

I turned and replied “Why would I do that? Nobody knows you’re here” and continued back up to bed. Anyway enough of that nonsense, I’m having a big barbecue tomorrow afternoon, all are welcome

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Waitsfornoone t1_j6a55q3 wrote

So if someone took 60%, would that make you a co-owner?

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[deleted] t1_j6a8868 wrote

Because it's a joke about the number of letters in couch. Five letters and if you take away one that is equal to 20%. So he said "ouch". I like that part. It made it funny. Like who would steal 20% of a couch. That's just this jokester being a silly goose. Because no one would steal 20% of a couch. But if they did, that wouldn't be funny. It's funny because of how couch is spelled. With five letters and if you take 20% of the letters you can spell "ouch" which is the funny part. Then I like the puns people add in. Like with plays on the word couch. Those are the real knee slappers. You people are just too much to handle. I bet they were the class clowns.

2

Otherwise-Falcon-729 t1_j6aax78 wrote

Watched some bloke nicking gates down our road. Was going to confront him but was afraid he'd take a fence.

I'll see myself out.

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WhatKindOfADeal t1_j6ab167 wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#1,563,047)

You have it all wrong, it’s because they did remove 20% of the actual couch. Just happened to be the area op blindly plops down every day after work. However, in this instance, he smashed ass first into the hard wooden floor. So yeah ouch indeed!!!

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KknhgnhInepa0cnB11 t1_j6aqrlk wrote

When I came home I was delighted to see someone stole all my lamps

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1PMagain t1_j6ax88v wrote

We lost a quarter of our roof in a tornado.

Oof.

2

wolfie379 t1_j6bjf62 wrote

Better take a close look at your collection of vintage cigarette packages. 20 Marlboros, 20 Camels, 20 Winstons, 20 Salems - oops, only 18 Chesterfields.

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CsharpIsDaWae t1_j6bplyd wrote

If they had stolen 80% you'd be left with a chair

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Ewetootwo t1_j6c3b27 wrote

So you lost 20% of your fries - couch potato.

1

12altoids34 t1_j6cclx4 wrote

Someone broke into my apartment and stole all my furniture and replaced it with exact duplicates

-Stephen Wright

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goudoogdragon t1_j6ciuom wrote

let me tell you why.I know how they found out but I keep money there.but the only question I have. how doe steal 20% of my couch?.

1

Murtagh440 t1_j6cje5v wrote

I have been trying to think of another relevant joke but have had no luck sofa.

4

Faust_8 t1_j6cjh3i wrote

You think that’s bad? A tree fell and destroyed 25% of my roof.

Oof.

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zamfire t1_j6crjxn wrote

Afterwards a French theif came in, stole another chunk, but I caught him red handed. He felt bad and brought back a different person's section. Oui

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Passing4human t1_j6ct3lg wrote

A gang of surrealist burglars recently hit my house. They took everything I owned and replaced it all with exact duplicates carefully placed in the same places.

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Takkg72 t1_j6cu9bi wrote

The rest of it is just 4/5.

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Hurtkopain t1_j6cuwny wrote

Someone broke into my house and stole 60% of my fire trucks.

fuck.

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KingTelephone t1_j6d6ujv wrote

I wouldn’t have noticed because with my couch, I pay no interest until 2028.

3

Remarkable_Band_8435 t1_j6d9vys wrote

You should be grateful. They could have taken the whole thing, but they only went sofa.

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doingthehumptydance t1_j6dy2to wrote

Someone broke into my house and stole a third of my sofa, now I just have a love seat.

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pinche-malinche t1_j6e4dgh wrote

Good thing it wasn’t 80%; I hear c-sections can be brutal.

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IEatCatz4Fun t1_j6f3q2g wrote

They took 40% of mine I only have a coc left.

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SatisfyingUnifica549 t1_j6p1p4e wrote

My whole furniture was taken during a break-in, and identical replacements were made.

1