I too plan on rolling myself up in a rug when I die.

When Louisianans die, they automatically generate a self-wrapping rug.

It's a side effect from all the gumbo...

/s (duh)

> "It does appear he was left there, but that’s not where, mostly not where, he died," said Capt. Heinz.

Truly stellar police work.

The scary thing is, I remember the death of Neil Wilson (the man who wanted to be a fish)... So, I'm content that there may have been no foul play

Time to elect a new coroner

"If something happened and there was a moment of panic, come forward, we just want to know what happened to him," said Capt. Heinz.

…yeah, okay. Sure.

Be sure you shoot yourself in the back of the head and roll that rug, with you inside it, out a high-rise window before you actually die though. Otherwise, it might look suspicious.

He removed the tag

Roll me up and smoke me when I die.

This better be adapted into a movie.

>Police would not confirm how the body was found, but did say crime scene investigators did not need to take the entire rug found at the scene with them.

What the fuck?

Honestly! it's just plain rude to die and not roll yourself up in rug. Have some consideration for others!

"Yeah, I think he died somewhere else."

🎶dun dun🎶

Produced by dick wolf.

Is this the same as the guy who blew the whistle on the CIA and Oliver North for peddling cocaine in Los Angeles committing suicide by shooting himself twice in the back of the head??

Maybe his DEATH was not foul play, but someone clearly did something with the body AFTER the death

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Man in cold November unloading crates from a truck: “Freddy? Yeah I knew ‘em. Always hung around that Persian rug store. Why, you think someone had it out for ‘em?”

Bewildered looking cop: “leeets just say we are looking at all angles. Let us know if you hear anything”

dun dun

Gary Webb didn't die from two gunshots to the back of the head. The first shot took his jaw off, the second killed him. Not everything is a damn conspiracy

This scenario for "no foul play found by police" sounds familiar....

"Kendrick Johnson's body was found in a wrestling mat Jan. 11, 2013, in the Lowndes High School gym in Valdosta, Georgia. State and local law enforcement officials ruled the death an accidental asphyxiation, saying Johnson died after he climbed into a rolled-up mat to retrieve his sneakers. .... [His father] said at a news conference that he believes his son's death is being covered up."

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/investigation-georgia-teen-found-dead-gym-mat-closed-charges-rcna13868

Huge difference. Kendrick Johnson’s death was a tragic accident. The conspiracy theories are just that.

Might as well be comfortable, right?

Commit murder so cops find the body right before their lunch break. Perfect crime.

Doesn't that defeat the purpose of using the term foul play at all though? Foul play is a much broader term than murder, so it covers anything to do with the circumstances surrounding a death that aren't natural.

Read the article, not the clickbait title.

"but say, at this point, there are no indications of foul play. "

He was summarizing the preliminary autopsy findings. Cause of death is currently unknown. That's all. It's not at all like they're saying "nothing to see here, investigation is closed".

Joe Goldberg has entered the chat.

"Mostly" 🤔

Username checks out. :)

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The government needs to start issuing domestic do not travel warnings.

Well, it looks like we've got this

Puts on sunglasses

All wrapped up.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I guess we agree that it was a pretty poorly worded release of info.

Has anyone checked on Hillary's alibi at the time of the "suicide"?

That is a profoundly stupid quote.

How can that be??? I say it could’ve been Gary moved as the first shot came to his head and the second tap took off his jaw.

>How can that be???

He held the gun in the wrong spot for the first shot.

>"His credit card was used at least twice, once I believe it was an ATM. I've heard there's video of a man using it, and it isn't Nathan. The second time was at a Greyhound station. Also, his wallet clip was found with his American Express, but no ID," said Still.

And no foul play suspected... amazing. Louisiana law enforcement never ceases to amaze me.

Exactly this. This is not oniony if you actually read the article. An investigation is clearly happening and at this point there are no signs of external or internal trauma.

Body was found behind a funeral home. The other thread on this indicated that the leading theory is he OD'd in a crack house and was dropped there rather than calling authorities and risking trouble.

Death throes compel them to mimic andouille or boudin.

Totally!!

I hope that when I kill myself, I have the grace to wrap myself in a rug first to tidy things up.

Must have been a cop

Looting the dead doesn't mean the looters killed him.

In the criminal justice system, the people are defended by two separate but equally important groups, the police who investigate the crimes and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories. Kun-kun! [imitates vacuum cleaner] I’m just a cleaning lady. Aah! A dead body. He wrapped his belt around his own neck. It looks like a classic case of autoerotic asphyxiation. Yeah, looks like everyone’s tightening their belts in this economy. [humming theme music] Last time you saw the victim, was he happy? Last time I saw this John, he was-he wasn’t a victim, if you know what I’m talkin about

The quote was actually "no indications of foul play" (so far, they had yet to do a toxology test). Which was true so nice sensationalist headline there fox.