aizukiwi t1_j2ciigx wrote
Reply to comment by WildlyUninteresting in [23M] [57M] My father refuses to accept I don't want a relationship with him. How do I end it for good? by BringbackDreamBars
The father moved his side piece in a week later and expected the kids to be okay. That’s so disrespectful - as someone whose parent has done the same thing. Then the passive agressive “are you mature enough to talk with me now” things. That’s something my own father did/does regularly to myself and my other siblings. Only 5 out of 6 of us still have any sort of relationship with him for the exact same reasons. Respect begets respect, and his father has shown him 0.
WildlyUninteresting t1_j2cixbm wrote
So 12 years later. The goal is to never work past the father moving on?
He didn’t do it to hurt the child. Unfortunately he was just upset about the situation. Understandable but that is also part of life.
His other comments though aggressive are accurate. This is a grudge from childhood. He could handle it better but not being a great communicator isn’t call for ending a relationship. Unless there are other circumstances beyond that move out.
aizukiwi t1_j2cjehj wrote
With the greatest possible respect, that’s a load of bs. It shouldn’t be the CHILD’S responsibility to be the mature and civil one. The father lost respect and the relationship through his actions and words. Moving on ISN’T the issue, and if you can’t see that then I can’t help you. It’s how he handled moving on, and then the way he harasses and talks to his son now. I have a parent exactly like this. I couldn’t care less about his girlfriends, or his now-fiance. Good for them. May they be happy. But he lost the right to a relationship with his kids after the years of constant disrespect and hassling, and it reads exactly like this case.
WildlyUninteresting t1_j2cjzay wrote
With that same respect, you still sound like an angry child.
Holding a grudge for the rest of your life will only continue to scar you. You sound miserable.
Being angry because he moved on won’t help you. That’s just it. You needed to start caring. A lack of care is the problem.
aizukiwi t1_j2ckd1r wrote
I’m fine, happy with my life. I’m apathetic to him, but people like you are infuriating. This conversation is all too familiar. The child in the situation gets blamed for getting themselves out of a toxic cycle because “why can’t you forgive them” or “things have changed” or “why can’t you be more mature?” Since when is it not mature to recognize a toxic relationship and want to remove yourself from it?
WildlyUninteresting t1_j2cku37 wrote
Nothing you say shows happiness or apathy. That hostility is unresolved.
It’s too familiar because that’s what you need to do. Holding on to this grudge won’t help you. That’s the difference between still looking at it like a child and growing some awareness as an adult.
Your relationship isn’t OP. So we have no details. OP hasn’t explained anything toxic. Just unfortunate. Hence asking for clarification.
the6souls t1_j2cx4sz wrote
You don't seem to understand that some issues don't need to be moved past. I would understand your position if the father didn't also prove how little he actually cares about how OP feels, repeatedly, by making new accounts to get around being blocked.
I'm sorry, but if you ever have to make extra accounts to continue contacting someone who blocked you, you're automatically an asshole, and you're only proving that the person who blocked you was 100% correct in doing so.
WildlyUninteresting t1_j2cxfm5 wrote
So you would want your dad to give up on you because at 11 you both had a fight and you left?
Then 10 years later, you still resented a childhood fight? Never trying to make up?
the6souls t1_j2cyjta wrote
No, I would want my dad to give up on me when I repeatedly fucking blocked him. No is a full response. If that father lacked the ability to listen and accept responses from me, then it would only make my life worse to have continued contact with that person.
There is no reason, absolutely none, that makes it okay to harass someone. That's what this is. Making new accounts to keep bothering someone is harassment, the reason why is irrelevant.
It's concerning you don't see repeated, unwanted contact in spite of clear communication to that effect, as a bad thing.
WildlyUninteresting t1_j2d0fdf wrote
Concerning you don’t see the bigger issues.
This is an issue that may be resolved with communication.
You would want your dad to give up on you. That’s unfortunate but explains a lot.
the6souls t1_j2d0ocl wrote
What issue is bigger than harassment? Why are you defending someone who is repeatedly harassing someone else?
Anyone who does this shit is a pathetic loser, without exception. OP does not want this contact. Their father needs to get over himself. If he cared about OP, he wouldn't go against his wishes. The father clearly doesn't give a damn about OP, or he would listen to what OP's actions say.
If you need me to be even more exhaustive in explaining this very simple concept, let me know.
WildlyUninteresting t1_j2d138b wrote
> What issue is bigger than harassment?
The fight that started this rift.
> Why are you defending someone who is repeatedly harassing someone else?
Because of the reasons for the harassment.
> Anyone who does this shit is a pathetic loser, without exception.
That’s ridiculous. You just skipped understanding reasons and judged without context.
> OP does not want this contact.
Yes. But is that really in his best interest? Wanting something doesn’t make it necessarily wise.
> Their father needs to get over himself.
He’s trying to by communicating.
> If he cared about OP, he wouldn't go against his wishes.
He may feel there are deeper issues and want to solve them.
> The father clearly doesn't give a damn about OP, or he would listen to what OP's actions say.
No. He just has a different goal.
> If you need me to be even more exhaustive in explaining this very simple concept, let me know.
Don’t worry. I explained it back for you instead.
the6souls t1_j2elr95 wrote
You're an idiot, and this is a waste of time. No, some fight ten years ago is not a bigger issue than a literal crime.
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