A newly married couple

Submitted by comcphee t3_10ol1ok in Jokes

A newly married couple make their way to bed and everything is going well until...

"Ooh! Oh! Look at that! What's wrong with it?" cries the bride.

"It's just my junk!" says the groom, offended.

"Yes, but's what's wrong with it? They're not supposed to look like that! It's all twisted!"

"That's what they look like!" he replies.

"Have you ever SEEN another man's junk?" the bride demands.

"Well, no - but I'm normal! This is what they look like!"

"No they don't!" she tells him. "It's... warped! There's all grooves around it! It's supposed to be... smooth and straight!" Long story short, the argument isn't settled and the marriage remains unconsumated.

Next day the newlyweds are walking around town, and the groom announces he needs the bathroom.

"There's a public gents over there," says the bride. "And while you're in there, take a look at the man next to you... see if his is the same as yours."

The groom goes in, and returns in a few minutes looking very crestfallen.

"You're right!" he says. "They are supposed to be smooth and straight. And I found out what I've been doing wrong."

"What?"

"Well they all shake theirs dry. I've been wringing mine out."

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Comments

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minemaster3651 t1_j6fknwl wrote

I hate this joke so much bcus my brain just went "hmm, what would that feel like?". And now my dick hurts.

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Clue_Loose t1_j6fmn63 wrote

Here’s an upvote I think it deserves more

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psicobab t1_j6g0zql wrote

I can fathom people waiting for marriage, to have sex. But not even a bj? Work the bases? You know, getting handsy and all?

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blue4029 t1_j6gg89q wrote

good god, that must be painful....

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ella_mataco t1_j6gz7vw wrote

i cringed and don’t even have a dick

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towel67 t1_j6h1qls wrote

what does wringling mine out mean

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recXion_ t1_j6h2o4y wrote

I’m wringing my hands reading this

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KombuchaBot t1_j6h2wgt wrote

Marjane Satrapi's newly weds dick joke in Persepolis was better. You have to read the comic though, it's a visual one.

The whole thing is worth a read anyway

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cod35 t1_j6h7ds4 wrote

I don't get the joke, do people shake to dry?

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denver_the_lazt_dino t1_j6h8j5t wrote

I know someone who uses the same method, but then he uses the iron box to remove the wringles afterwards.

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CrispedWaffle t1_j6hbg1b wrote

I thought they were gonna be ducks tbh. That was a good one lol

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APOPHIS2508 t1_j6hgzll wrote

Replying to trixterpro77 (#1,607,804)

The trixter has been tricked, the towel doesn't know what wringing is, and unripenedboyparts is, well, reading jokes about "ripened" boy parts AND has an NSFW account....

r/UsernameChecksOut
r/UsernamesCheckOut

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RactainCore t1_j6ht7fr wrote

Does no one do the sock squeeze? It seems a lot better than just shaking, in my experience.

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False_Vanguard t1_j6hvpkd wrote

0% of married couples would call their penises "junk".

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Hurtkopain t1_j6hytwu wrote

i had to go in an elevator to think about this one. It's wrung on so many levels.

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apd543 t1_j6i5faf wrote

That’s grown on me after thinking about it it’s quite imaginative 😂

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Aeosin15 t1_j6j6yvs wrote

Oh. My. God. Was not expecting that. Lol

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killeresshan t1_j6j7d2c wrote

For Christ’s sake jake its not a toothpaste

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cookerg t1_j6l6o1f wrote

There actually is a real condition of damaged penis called Peyronie's disease, and one cause of it is overly aggressive squeezing. So this joke has a grain of truth

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gloveman5 t1_j6ls0sk wrote

That is an old Buddy Hackett joke. (Did I spell his name right?)

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