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I think it’s pretty drastic to say relationships in general are not for you, but there seems to be a compatibility issue with this one.

I would have an honest conversation with him about it and let him know that while you still like him and all his wonderful qualities, you are at a breaking point with this particular behavior. He may not be aware of how much he has changed in that regard. If he is not open to the conversation/willing to work to meet you in the middle, you have your answer and should probably end the relationship there.

A normal check in for a long distance relationship might be 1 or 2 calls per day, of moderate length (3-10 minutes).

Text messages are asynchronous and it should be assumed that people will often go for hours without responding. If I see non-urgent messages from my wife during the workday, I'm not responding until my day slows down. She knows this.

Personal opinion? He's jealous and afraid you're sleeping around. That's why he's checking on you constantly. In his defense, this problem is EXTREMELY common in military romances; a civilian partner who sleeps around while the serviceman is deployed is a story you will hear from MANY active duty and veterans.

I guess the larger question is: assuming you resolve this speedbump, how do you see the future? Are you two actually compatible? Or are you going to prefer a more solitary existence even after he's discharged and wants to live with you 24/7?

There is no one way to be a good girlfriend. It's really important to have open communication at all times about your feelings. In the case of the need for a little more space from your bf (which sounds funny bc it's long distance, but he's somehow managed to become clingy despite the distance lol), this means telling him what's on your mind in a positive way. You gotta simply let him know "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that sometimes the amount of texting is a bit much- I don't usually sit glued to my phone all day, and when I don't answer the texts, you blow up my phone like I am dead on the side of the road or something lol". Say it however you wish, but you've gotta be pretty straightforward about this. Also, you don't have to answer the phone. There's nothing wrong with putting your phone on silent when you are out and about, and getting in touch with him when you are finished. If he flips out, let him- people overreacting to innocent actions is not a you problem, it's a him problem!

Also, a lot of people text with their partners all day, in long rambling convos, but it doesn't mean you have to respond immediately every text if you're busy. Maybe try to pause the convo next time with "I'm going to be busy doing XYZ for a couple hours. I will get intouch tonight once I am settled in."

If he behaves irrationally when setting very simple boundaries, harder chats need to happen. Not every relationship is like this! He might just be a bit needier than you initially thought...and if he cannot respect your boundaries then maybe it's not the right guy, not that you aren't a relationship person...

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We face time multiple times a day and always at least for an hour. I try to explain to him that if I don’t reply to a text it means I’m busy but that does not stop him from double texting me making sure ‘I’m good’. He told me he has a past of exs cheating on him but I would never do that. Just personally not my thing.

I haven’t thought that much about a future with him. He talks about me moving to where he is stationed but I can’t imagine giving my life up here. I’ve never seen a future with any potential partner I’ve always seen my future as living alone with no kids and traveling.

Thank you for saying this! I feel like I have tried to communicate this but I probably sugar coated it because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I might take what you said and copy and paste it lol

I think it's not that relationships are not for you. I think you just haven't found a compatible partner yet.

I’m sorry, but he is a classic controlling type and nothing will ever satisfy him. You’ve spent one month (in person) with this guy, and he’s already got you questioning your own self worth. He’s insecure and afraid of rejection, so he spends his time trying to erase your autonomy to prevent you from ever leaving him.

The wonderful guy you first met is real, but he’s real like the first paragraph of a book is real. It can go in many different directions from there. Now you’ve read a couple more chapters. You can remember the first paragraph fondly but with the benefit of more information, decide that the book is not for you.

I was afraid of that. I’m way to independent for that to happen but it does feel like he’s trying to be controlling at times. He doesn’t want me to hangout with a couple guy friends I have. Parts of me does understand this bc I have hooked up with some and have remained friends but I’m not willing to give up great friends in my life because he isn’t comfy with the idea of it

All i see here is you don't like this relationship. How do either of you work or go to school while communicating like this? There isn't time for anything else.

Also, his behavior is way out there. And it is not appropriate for a fairly new relationship.

If you don't 100% want to move to where he is, DON'T!

It’s completely normal and healthy to not want a full time, committed relationship. Culture has told you it’s not OK, especially if you’re a woman. But it is, really.

I work am office job and most I have to do is be in the field for an hour or so. He is high up in the military so most of his day isn’t doing much but telling other people to do stuff. There’s days where I just want to throw my phone away and tell him it broke. I agree the behavior is out there it just sucks it came out of no where. In the beginning I told him this was the first relationship I’d had in awhile and I was going try really hard to make it work but sometimes I just don’t want it to work

I always thought so too. I recently moved away from all my friends and family and I think Everyone was worried I’d be so alone. I thought it was a good idea at the time now I’m thinking not so much. I really love living my own life and seeing family and friends when I want to.

It sounds like you did try, and it hasn't really worked. I vote you tell him that it is time to move on.

Ugh thanks that’s what I needed but didn’t want to hear

Good luck to you! Always enjoy your life the way you want.

I am a super blunt person, so my loud ass would've probably told him to chill the first time lol. It all just depends on how much jokey sarcasm your partner can handle lol! If he flips out though, then that is def a red flag, bc what does he think, you're just cheating on him 24/7 if he doesn't have you hostage on the phone?! You'd look like a jerk if you phone's going off every 5 seconds in a restaurant, esp with friends. And who wants to stop reps every 5 secs at the gym do their bf doesn't start calling them constantly? Mute the phone sometimes babe, you'll not regret it lol.

It sounds like THIS relationship isn't for you.

The fact that he feels comfortable asking you to make all these changes so early in the relationship gives you an idea of how much he lets his insecurities run his life, and by proxy, yours. I won’t tell you to break up with him, but I do suggest living your life in accordance with your values and letting him take it or leave it. He’s the one asking you to change. If he doesn’t like you as you are, then that’s his problem, not yours.

Only you know what's right for you. I have family that have never been in a relationship, and they're happy. I have others that married before college and have a small army of children, and they're happy.

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At 26 he’s it way up high in the military, and he wouldn’t have time to text you all day. What is his job in the military?

Honestly, it just seems like OP doesn't even have genuine feelings for him. Nowhere does she mention it. Only that he treats her well and he's a nice guy and just gave him a chance. Maybe that's the issue.

Honestly that might have been an exaggeration I just know he has people under him.