I was a personal trainer as a side gig because I loved it. Personal training is rarely a career that is going to support a family or even contribute much. If he’s really working towards having his own gym, he would have taken the job. He’s going to want you to fund his dream and most gyms fail. Be very careful.

I don't want to discount the fact that his father allowed you to live for free for years, but the reality in this context is that you're absolutely in the right here, and if nothing changes, you're never moving out of his father's house if you stay together. He's content with things as is.

You want to start a family soon? How does that work financially? You want to buy a house? Who's going to give you both a mortgage? To back up, I'm sorry for being blunt here. I'm not trying to pile on. I logically understand that you know this which is why you're here. I'm just validating your concerns.

But let's put things into perspective here. You're paying off nursing school debt. Debt you took on to better yourself and potentially your future family. You made an investment which your career will make worth it in the long run. You're not in financial ruin (unless there's more you left out).

He makes an estimated $12K/year. Listen, there's integrity in every job, and if being a personal trainer is his passion and ultimately opening a gym is his dream, that's great. But dreams don't pay the bills. He's not even paying any bills right now, so where is his money going?

But if he can't even afford to live with his father, how's he going to open a gym? How's he going to buy a house? You're materialistic? You taking on debt for the purposes of getting a great career has ruined you both financially? Even if that's the truth, what's the answer? Just deal with it and continue living as is? This isn't a question of believing in him. What is he doing to achieve his goal?

Let's be real though despite my essay here. The guy's a bum and has no intention of doing anything. He constantly has nothing but excuses. When you're done, he'll have a new excuse. So take a step back and ask yourself if you want a healthy relationship, family, and home of your own? If you do, leave him immediately. Good luck.

So, he's capable of earning more, had an opportunity to do so, and turned it down. He doesn't want to give up his comfortable arrangement with you, only thinks about what's important to him, and you have to pick up the slack.

He's selfish and taking advantage of you, and there will always be another excuse around the corner for why he can't contribute more.

You can do better than this. He's not on your level.

If he wants to own his own gym someday, he will be too busy running a business to do any training. Running a gym would teach him the ropes of owning a gym. Also why couldn't he train people on his own time?

Support him? What is that you are doing right now, if it isn't supporting him?!

He makes $800-1200 per month for part time work, you pay all the shared bills and his bills too, while working 60 hour weeks.

If that's not "supporting him" financially and otherwise, what else should you, could you, possibly be doing?

He's taking advantage of you, he's mooching, and this is financial abuse. You are living with his father because this is the path of least resistance, and ease, for him, and he sees no reason to change it, and he absolutely won't change it in anyway that involves more effort on his part.

Dump this loser. You can afford to make it on your own, and it will be easier when you aren't paying his rent and his car payment.

Move out and get your own place. Problem solved.

>> He said I was selfish and being materialistic.

This is not the dude for you, perhaps? You're working your ass off, and your totally reasonable financial goals for the future are, in his words "selfish" and "materialistic." He is happy to work 4 hours a day & not try to advance while you conveniently pay for nearly everything, including his own car! I will never understand how so many on top of it women accept this type of being used by a man financially, while at the same time being called "selfish" for not wanting to be used. He's snowing you and your response is "how can I support him EVEN MORE." (Edited: The audacity of your dude is making me see red tbh.)

He doesn't care that you're running yourself into the ground while he barely works. He doesn't understand that him taking the training job would have put him a step or two closer to owning a gym.

He has no path to achieve his dream of owning a gym. At 33 he should have it mapped out. It's not simply train some people here and there and then you open a gym. Like another person said, a trainer is a side gig.

You should decide whether you want to build a life with someone who chooses not to work while you pay his bills, and then insults you for it. I don't know why the answer would be yes.

I have to say, your bf does not seem realistic about money. He really makes a substandard living, and "wants to own a gym someday" but making no concrete steps in that direction is just wishful thinking.

Noticing that his age is 33, I have to say if he hasn't gotten realistic about how to reach his dreams by this age, I'm thinking it's unlikely to ever happen. You can either accept that about him, or move on.

>He said that we are in a financial mess because of me.

No. First of all, you going to school to get a degree to get a better job is not "a financial mess," it's you taking the necessary steps now to have a better life later. You're still bringing in the vast majority of the money and you're still paying the vast majority of the bills.

Meanwhile, he's working 4 goddamned hours a day and pulling in sub-minimum-wage to contribute to the household, sponging off his dad (and you!) and actively turning down better paying jobs because he's lazy. This is your financial mess. It has a name, and it's whatever your boyfriend's name is.

>He said he was too good for that.

This is an inexcusable attitude. You do what you have to do to make ends meet. He's apparently also too good to pay his rent, feed himself, you, his dog, or pay for the vet for his dog. You know why he feels like he's too good for those things? Because you're doing them for him so he doesn't HAVE to do them.

> I’m going back for my BSN and he says that he can’t make his next move in his career until I’m done.

This makes zero sense and is clearly just an excuse to stall. Once you have your BSN and a better job his new excuse will be "you make plenty of money for both of us, why should I work" and he'll probably try to cut his hours down to 2 a day or 'retire' completely.

>Should I have not said anything and try my best to support him?

No, you should have said something a LONG time ago and you're supporting him way too much. Look at this list again:

>Im covering his portion of rent and his car payment most months. He only has those 2 bills to pay for. I pay for all the groceries, any necessities, the dog food, and the vet bills for his dog that he had before us.

You doing these things is what is allowing him to be a freeloading parasite. You need to stop.

Tell him that since the "financial mess" is apparently all your fault you'll be devoting your extra income to fixing it, i.e. paying off your student loan debts. From this moment forward you'll pay YOUR half of the rent, YOUR half of the food, YOUR half of the utilities, and half the costs for the dog; the rest will go towards paying down your debt that he finds so horrible.

If he wants to eat and have a place to live he'll have to get off his lazy entitled ass and get a real job.

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He does give me money when I need it. But we are constantly covering each other until pay day.