how do i convince my parents to go to another church?

Submitted by dominicfox09 t3_11td506 in springfieldMO

i tried speaking up about this church a bit before but each time i tell them or oppose them about my opinion on james river, they say that “you not wanting to go means you need god more than ever!”

youth services feel fake. its all fake. i dont feel the church anymore :/ anymore my grandparents church feels more comforting, sometimes id rather not go at all. advice i guess. first time posting here im open to criticism :D

edit: also any good churches in springfield to republic area?

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Willing-Sprinkles-17 t1_jciw5fa wrote

JRA is not a church. It's a business. A giant, tax free business with a cult following and enough power to keep things quiet.

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PaleDimensions t1_jck84b4 wrote

Their policy on helping the homeless is non-existent

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DrinkWaterDaily7 t1_jck9reg wrote

This church does NOTHING to help the homeless. N O T H I N G. But - they put a car on their alter to give it away to a member.

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PassingWithJennifer t1_jcl2pf7 wrote

Connecting grounds was my out reach as a homeless person. I imagine their church is as wonderful as their outreach :)

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nobile t1_jcih36v wrote

I love The Venues, it's on E Battlefield. They focus a lot on helping the community.

Can't say much on how to tell your parents to change churches... Mine were super stubborn about that stuff and wouldn't allow me to go to a different one on my own until I was no longer a minor. Best advice I can think of would be to say that you feel like you can grow closer to God and become a better person in a different church, that you feel stagnant where you currently are. I don't know how your parents are in regards to your independence...

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maxxshepard t1_jcj3bnp wrote

I would add on to this and say, tell them you feel more comfortable with a smaller, more close knit congregation. Tell them you really want to get to know the community you go to church with, and that James river is just too large to do that.

I'm not a church goer anymore, but I went to James river for a while and it felt like... having church in an airport. Too many cooks in the kitchen, too many passengers on the bus. It felt like worshiping an institution instead of a deity.

If they really start an argument with you and you want to be petty to shake their conviction, you can point out that they have two Starbucks in there, and a gift shop, and that makes you uncomfortable because Jesus was staunchly against people making money on church grounds. Mark 11:15-17 You can say it makes you uncomfortable that they are going against his teachings.

Good luck to you kid

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dominicfox09 OP t1_jcj9v9x wrote

taking this to heart. really shocked how much good advice there is here.. my parents are good ppl just that i wanted to speak my mind a little bit and knowing them, theyd eventually find something to bring up to change my mind. so thx man

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DrinkWaterDaily7 t1_jcka95q wrote

Our family attends Westminster Presbyterian Church. It is in Portland in Springfield. It is socially justice minded. It is spiritual and allows me to listen to the teachings of Jesus. Service starts at 10:30. We also live stream.

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Relevant_Intention35 t1_jcirsj8 wrote

Highly second the Venues—as someone who was raised in the AG church and attended JR for a time but deconstructed, I still have a ton of respect for Venues.

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longerlive t1_jcjcfev wrote

You know you shouldn't attend a church when someone who deconstructed recommends it.

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Bitmush- t1_jclhftl wrote

As an agnostic who was very skeptical about churches I really enjoyed attending the Venues - the pastor is a very wise and charming speaker who crafts the sermons perfectly for people who have been to churches in the past but found the dogma completely detached from the way to live a good life; his knowledge of scripture is fantastic- none of the values that I ever heard spoken about were anything other than entirely wholesome, humanist, universal and self-evident. There’s no spooky supernaturalism, just exposition on Biblical passages that demonstrate kindness and fellowship. As a skeptical humanist/agnostic/atheist I found only goodness and good faith and hope in The Venues, all their staff and the wonderfully diverse and friendly congregation. It opened my eyes to what a community-based organization could be, and how any church must be to survive the coming demographic apocalypse. Praise be!

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CTYankeeinMO_1986 t1_jciqtyj wrote

Not here to talk bad about anyone, but I was both shocked and disturbed that JRC invited Bill Johnson from Bethel Church (Redding, CA) to be a major part of a near week long program for the church. There’s been much written about this church leader, what he believes/teaches, what things go on in his church that are far from biblical. You may research him on your own if you so desire.

As far as JRC is concerned, does anyone else feel this is a “ clique-ish church? I’d be curious to hear from others because myself and others have found it very difficult to really meet and meaningfully connect others, not to mention make good, lasting friends there - despite serving and attending for years on end. Not that’s the primary reason for attending church, but it’s a part of it. The church (which is the people, not the building) is to be there for one another. Lastly, I’m not at at all trying to slam JRC, as I believe there to be many wonderful people that attend there.

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Numerous-Mix-9775 t1_jcixu6r wrote

It’s hard when you aren’t feeling any spiritual fulfillment from a church, and harder when you don’t have a strong voice in the decision on where to go.

Maybe you can start by asking your parents what they DO like about it and what’s important to them in a church. Lead that into a conversation about why you feel there’s a fakeness to the youth service. Let them know that the issues you’re seeing are turning you away from the church and not towards it. Explain what you like about your grandparents’ church.

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Juliet_04 t1_jcj04p8 wrote

This is such a great response! I 100% agree.

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Television_Wise t1_jciyyej wrote

>im not old enough for a driver’s license, so yeah i cant go anywhere.

So, just to address this particular issue, there are churches that will come pick you up. You've seen the church vans? They'll go around and fetch church members for services if they need transportation.

>“you not wanting to go means you need god more than ever!”

Good thing you can find God in more places than just James River...pretty sure the apostles managed to somehow make due despite not having a coffeeshop or concerts for the first churches.

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The_Vigilante20 t1_jcit8la wrote

Brentwood Christian Church on Barataria is progressive, LGBTQ+ affirming and accepting of different beliefs. I'm not even religious and I enjoyed going.

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PalPubPull t1_jcjr9vs wrote

Absolutely. Also, for such a relatively small church, they arguably have one of the loudest voices in standing up for minorities and LQBTQ+, and other similar communities.

At all the marches, peaceful protests, you will see them there showing them they are loved by God. With a facilty 80x smaller than JRA, and unlike JRA, they open their doors for the homeless as a shelter when needed.

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CaptainCimmeria t1_jckvgcx wrote

National Avenue Christian Church as well. Same denomination and also very welcoming.

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Punnchy t1_jcijyto wrote

Religion became a tool, for the weak to control the strong. With all these new morals and ethics, survival of the fittest was gone. No longer could the biggest man simply take whatever he needed 'Cause damnation was the price if certain rules were not heeded. -Scroobious Pip

Honestly, you'll have to work on deconstructing their values that keep them tied to that church and getting them to the point of wanting to spend their money supporting the things it's spent on elsewhere. Construct a bridge to a church that does. Bring up the fact that a church that size has no warming center, or overnight shelter. How many families does the ministry have in a stop from being homeless support program, things like that. Same thing when you look at places like salvation army, and how they treat trans folks. If the scripture they teach doesn't include loving everyone, it's blasphemous. Ya know what I'm saying?

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ChewML t1_jcil7yt wrote

I have been hearing a lot about James River from coworkers who go there. They sound pretty excited about things, but when I hear about it I just start thinking about Jesus walking into the temple and flipping the tables of the merchants.

I hear this week they are having services every night and doing "healings"... One evening a visiting pastor has people speaking in "tongues"... The next night a different visitor says no don't do that.

I agree with the other response about prayer. If you earnestly pray to God for the truth about the Bible, he will reach out to you. Be receptive when it comes along, but don't just listen to what a person says. When someone tells you to believe a statement, they should show it to you in the Bible.

Nobody should ever say my pastor says this, it should always be the Bible says this... And then they should be able to show it.

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FedexJames t1_jcihbwe wrote

Northside Christian Church. North on H.

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Numerous-Mix-9775 t1_jcix4dw wrote

Yep, bit of a drive from the south side but worth it. Great youth program too.

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throwaway_springmo t1_jck3rk3 wrote

I wouldn’t consider James River a church, so much as I would consider it a ponzi scheme

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dividendDog t1_jck20ce wrote

“It’s all fake.” You sound like me when I was a kid growing up in catholic school. Once those realizations come they won’t really go away, because it is all fake. You’ll start to see more and more evidence of how it’s all fake. It’s all a fairy tale. I’m now in my 30s with a great family and living a successful, moral and ethical life as an atheist. Yeah, you don’t need to believe in any god to believe morality. Treating people with kindness and respect, not stealing, and not killing people. But what happens after you die? Same thing that happens to every dog, squirrel, fish, bird, etc. There is no god, heaven, hell, afterlife. It’s all made up.

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Mysteroo t1_jckklmk wrote

I know I should expect nothing less from Reddit, but this thread probably isn't really the place to advertise atheism

OP is trying to leave one of the most broadway-spectacle, disingenuous churches around to find a more genuine crowd. There are OBJECTIVELY better places to go in that respect.

He's talking about the people being fake, not the religion or the theology. If you want to talk about Christianity being "fake" then that's a different discussion OP's not asking for right now

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dividendDog t1_jckvo62 wrote

Sounds like someone’s frustrated the usual indoctrination isn’t working on OP

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Mysteroo t1_jcl5kho wrote

I mean, if you want to peruse threads where Christians are asking for church reommendations just to mindlessly tell them that their whole worldview is wrong, be my guest. Just don't be surprised if it makes you look bad

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polski_zubr t1_jckrtte wrote

>I know I should expect nothing less from Reddit, but this thread probably isn't really the place to advertise atheism

Oh shut the fuck up

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Mysteroo t1_jcl58im wrote

Homie, OP is literally asking for church recommendations and gets the response "You're whole religion is fake, you'll find out eventually!"

Y'all see nothing wrong with this picture? Read the room

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polski_zubr t1_jcl8i86 wrote

It's literally the best advice in the thread. Room has been read

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ChewML t1_jck6ay9 wrote

Sorry, but you can't say Christianity is fake because you were raised Catholic... Contrary to popular belief they are not the same thing.

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Embarrassed_Feed_145 t1_jck9knl wrote

christianity is fake and i was raised christian

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ChewML t1_jckbj4i wrote

Sadly there are a lot of fakes out there, and it makes it hard for people to believe.

As many people have mentioned in this thread James River is a mega church, it is so big people think that represents all of christianity. There are many different "interpretations" as people like to say... But Jesus only taught one way, and it really wasn't complicated as other people like to believe.

True christians would be known by the love they have amongst themselves. If you don't see real love in practice, they can claim to be, but it does not make them christian.

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TheBudderBomb t1_jcj52ov wrote

New Life Church is south Springfield close to nixa and consistently has good messages.

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Miserable_Figure7876 t1_jcl8emx wrote

There's a lot of dislike for James River Assembly in the community in general and on this sub in particular. In my book, it is well-deserved, for reasons enumerated in other comments.

That said, you probably can't convince your parents to go to another church easily (if at all). If you're more comfortable with your grandparents' church and they live nearby, you can see if they'll take you with them to services.

Other than that, I understand that The Venues and National Avenue Methodist are both very welcoming and certainly smaller than JRA.

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Longjumping-Ice-8814 t1_jclquiz wrote

Does your grandparents church have a church van or would they take you with them? Ours does…if it’s a fit, we’d be happy to come and get you. Just message Turning Point Church or call.

Wtbs, I’m curious: will your parents let you go elsewhere?

Also to add: JRC is what it is. We are all in different places in our walk with Christ, and I’m not the one to say they should be this or that. So please be wary of these people just throwing churches under the bus because their church isn’t just what they think it should be.

Idk if you can “convince” your parents that the church they attend is all fake. You just have to convince them to let you go elsewhere. I’ll pray about your journey and I’m happy to help however I can. ♥️

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Mysteroo t1_jckjtce wrote

The really sucky thing is: you can't. There is no surefire way to convince anyone of anything. People are complex and often their emotions are more in control of their perspective their logical thought is.

In fairness, I've heard of a lot of good things happening at JR during the past year, but largely I'd be inclined to agree. James River has made it a bit too easy to criticize them over the past decade that I've been around.

Based on their response to you, here's my advice: They aren't hearing you say "let's try another church," they're hearing "I don't want to go to church." Thus they think your salvation is in jeopardy and they think they're saving you by making you go to James River.

SO INSTEAD - ask them if you can go to other events or services at other churches. Then perhaps when they see how much more you get out of those, they will let you go there instead.

I for one have found Praise Assembly to be the most refreshing change of pace I've experienced anywhere in years. And I say that as a pastor's kid. It's a place that's genuine and doesn't make a spectacle out of everything. They're some of the kindest people I've ever known. Frankly - this is the first time I've ever found myself actually excited to go to church. Up until now it's always been a bit of a chore

They have youth Sunday Nights and you can always tell them a local friend invited you

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Longjumping-Ice-8814 t1_jcmrcpv wrote

Hey PK! Me too. Good recommendation too. I don’t go there, but felt welcome and comfortable when I did. 😊

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smith_winston_1984 t1_jcisuye wrote

The primary point of religion is to control women.

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ChewML t1_jck6emf wrote

That is completely ignorant and false.

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smith_winston_1984 t1_jcmqkom wrote

So women can wear whatever they want to? Cut their hair? Wear pants? Go without a burka in the middle east? Have multiple husbands like men can have multiple wives as the bible says? Completely accurate and totally true. Look at the Amish or pentecostals for example, the women have to keep their hair hidden, because "the glory of a woman is her hair" and wear a dress and be "submissive and obedient" according to Paul. That is some serious r/freeUse and r/bdsm (nsfw) being propagated by the church allowing women to suffer duress at the hands of their husbands and a lot of times not being able to speak out. Religion has been used since before the council of nicea to control the masses, and their female property. (In biblical times a good woman was rated just underneath a cow, or maybe slightly less than two goats) Why else would the book of Enoch be thrown out of the Canon and Moses's book of hearsay called Genesis be the accepted creation story even though Enoch was sitting on Adam's knee and Moses was 2,000 years later? Because it did not fit. Moses's book was written by a slave master, voiced by a slave mother, and the laws of the rest of the Torah follow the master/slave mentality. For the most part the levitical laws that are used to torture people today are mostly about sanitary reasons, having a hoard of people cross the desert, with barely enough water to drink there would not have been enough for personal cleaning. Yet according to Leviticus women were supposed to be locked away for their week so they wouldn't get the good clean men dirty. Women to this day are still treated like they are going to get the good clean men dirty. They must submit obey and comply according to the church. They're not allowed to teach. According to most religions the only point of a good woman is to produce a good son.

I truly feel sorry for the women and daughters of religious men. They deserve to be treated better. And it is the duty of society and groups like this one to speak out for the underprivileged and mistreated.

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SeceretGardener t1_jck9t7y wrote

If they’re already going to a church it’s already too late. Don’t drink the kool aide.

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shavedcow t1_jckp2hj wrote

Welcome to deconstruction, friend! It's very good for you.

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FamPamMaaM t1_jclmi8k wrote

jra makes christianity look bad.

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jumboraccoon603 t1_jciiem3 wrote

If you're not old enough to go on your own, then I wouldn't try to fight them about it. I would try to find some good friends there and get as much out of it as you can. Make sure you're reading your Bible and spending time in prayer and seeking the Lord on your own. And then when you're old enough to try different churches do it! Sometimes you have to make the most out of the situation you're in. And of course, PRAY about this.

As far as church recommendations go. I don't really have any because me and my fiance are currently looking for a new church home, so I'm curious to see other recommendations.

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dominicfox09 OP t1_jcijd1u wrote

ah, thank you. yknow ig it takes some outside nudges to see the good in what feels like a really negative thing. im not old enough for a driver’s license, so yeah i cant go anywhere. nothing against my parents about all of this. just finding whats right

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ciennaj t1_jciq2mb wrote

I love Red Tree. It is a "come as you are" church, and I love it so much. Everyone is so kind and authentic.

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guitarer09 t1_jcjax6d wrote

+1 for Red Tree. For such a small church, they give so much to so many people and organizations, and they treat everybody so well.

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smith_winston_1984 t1_jciso6l wrote

Tell them the after school Satan club members that go there are wanting to join their club.

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WorldFoods t1_jcjzwqh wrote

For those recommending The Venues or Brentwood, those are awesome churches, but there is no way OP’s parents will be up for that. And OP may not even feel comfortable there themselves. My suggestion, as a mom who used to be conservative Christian, it was very important to me to find a church that helped my kids spiritually and where they felt like they could make friends. If you talk to them honestly, outside of the situation, maybe at dinner one night, and just tell them the things that make it hard for you and what type of church you might like better and that might help you grow, I have a feeling they’d be open to listening. How long have you guys been going there? That might also play into their decision. Either way, if my child were telling me they were really unhappy at a church, I would be open to trying somewhere else bc it was so important to me to find a place that was a good fit for all of us. Hugs to you!

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Shadow11Wolf50 t1_jcknbqe wrote

Hi, I am very familiar with JRA and know the in and outs of all the buildings out in their Ozark location. I got bored and i chose to wander instead of listen to them for their youth services when i was a teen. They didnt like it when i questioned things. Now, jokes on them Im a norse pagan lol.

You need to get a list of your parents morals and values. From there do some digging into JRA. If you really would rather be going to another church, find one that's better (bonus if they offer transportation). Gather everything up on your findings and present it to your parents on why your choice is the better one. You could even open your rebuttal with that you feel your chosen church will help you build a closer relationship to god.

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CCLMomof3 t1_jclmb9a wrote

Look into Crossway! It’s a super friendly church and people don’t pretend to be something they’re not.

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MaintenancePresent37 t1_jcm8kua wrote

Maybe you could compromise and go with them on Sunday mornings and get involved in a youth group at a different church.

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growth-or-happiness t1_jd47a84 wrote

I am not a religious person, but John Stroup and his ministry was pretty good. No pressure, and even as a non believer please stay away from SJR. If you are Asian, there are Asian churches in this town as well. Stay away from places that require an income statement, or need it. I would say stick to churches that help the community, especially the homeless.

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seaking_katts t1_jcivgoh wrote

I go to Palmer Heights and it's very much the only church that I've been to that just makes sense. It's small, so there's always room to speak up if you have questions or anything you would like to add. Very much come as you are. It feels like a family with actual values there.

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Substantial-Guide625 t1_jcjro82 wrote

You can’t, they can’t on you either. It’s a personal choice and you have to go with your faith on it.

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PandaIntelligent7252 t1_jck04ou wrote

My wife and I searched for months for a church where we felt called to and comfortable with. We never did try James River though because of the size. We prefer smaller, close knit churches. We finally found No Fences Cowboy Church in Nixa. We are in the process of looking for a new home though and currently meeting in the Pastors house in Highlandville. We only have about 15 regular attendees a week but we all love worshipping and learning more about Jesus together.

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Embarrassed_Tax_6547 t1_jck0sc7 wrote

You may be falling out of faith but given your age you won’t be able to do anything about it until later.

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compier t1_jckbmmz wrote

I’m currently going to True North Baptist, a tiny church plant it’s only around 10ish people at the moment but the pastor is AMAZING, I feel welcome there and if I miss a service etc or I’m not going to a bible study I did mention I was going to, they are positive and encouraging and tell me “hope you can make it next time” instead of making me feel guilty etc.

The website is https://www.truenorthbaptist.church

Dm me if you want to know more.

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Large-Negotiation-47 t1_jckeaaa wrote

Cherry street Baptist church.

I feel the same about James river. People don’t see it, especially those who attend, but simply having Bill Johnson as a guest speaker should open the eyes of anyone who cares about doctrinal adherence to the faith.

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Maxwyfe t1_jckjjtv wrote

What you're feeling is part of growing up. You are in the process of creating your own identity apart from your parents. But yeah, JRA is pretty shallow for the most part.

You may not be able to convince your parents to change churches but you might have a friend who goes to a different church and go with them?

My parents go to Ridgecrest and it's pretty nice - big church, lots to do and they have an active youth ministry.

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PinchePoderes t1_jckoiq1 wrote

I went one time because of the girl I was seeing at the time. It was the infamous halloween special if you will. Head pastor guy said “I am the savior of your souls”. That’s blasphemy if I’ve ever heard it. Tell em JR is a false prophet.

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It_Could_Be_True t1_jcmf3lv wrote

About any church that is United Methodist (not just Methodist as they may also be fundamentalist). We are members of Kingsway UMC. "Open minds, open hearts, open doors". Everyone welcome, anyone can take communion. Relaxed and comfortable, and not a scam. The Presbyterian church is next door if you'd like to go there.

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sixelaaa0 t1_jcy94iw wrote

i come from a small town and always felt v similar so i watch church online now, i watxh pastor robert morris and i'm also very left leaning and don't feel ostracized as a christian when watching him

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