TIFU by taking a dump in her old toilet

Submitted by Ninjaxas t3_11xxvr3 in tifu

This happened a few hours ago. I (22M) am on a short two-day trip to Kaunas city and I needed a place to stay for two nights, so my friend that lives there, but was away, hooked me up with one of his better friends (21F).

She is super busy and I arrive late, so I only get too meet and talk with her shortly the first day as she picked me up from airport. But turns out she is hot and we get along more than well. 

She gives me extra key and the next evening, I am home first and she is coming earlier today too. She texts she is on her way and I am waiting.

Her apartment is one of those older soviet built ones, so the plumbing is pretty weak there, some faucets barely work.

Problem starts when soon after her message I get an urge to make shit. And taking a shit is somewhat sacret to me as otherwise I feel uncomfortable, so I cant postpone it for later. I knew it was risky, since I saw how weak the flush is, and if I cant get my waste down, that would kill all my dignity and whole vibe if she discovers.

I do the deed. Its a few of those buayant floaty types. I pray the lord, sent potentially last words to my friends and press the rusted flush button. Some shit go down but two big turds still chilling above sea level. This is only beginning of the adventure.

I regret my choices for a few moments, but then adrenaline takes over. The plumbing is bad so flush tank fills very slow and also its apparently ineffective anyways. Need ideas.

I resort to traditional methods. I find the biggest pot and start filling it up with that slow weak faucet. It felt like an eternity, cause she is there soon.

Its full, I try to spill the payload of my savior pot on to my shit in a quick waterfall so its effective. Nothing. Both happy turds still floating.

Now the sweat kicks in. I think two pots unloaded in quick succession might do. So I get another one, start filling them with the old slow faucet. At this point I realized how fucked I am since she could be unlocking the doors anytime and find me here running this huge shit flushing operation.

Anyways, eventually I fill the pots, I stack them up near the toilet and pour both as fast as I can. Progress achieved. One turd down. But one still having fun afloat.

I can't afford extra 3-4 mins to fill pots again and it may not work. At this point, I already had enough time to ponder the worst solution. In complete desperation, I fish out my toxic offspring, collect it with toilet paper, wrap it in it and proceed to balcony. Its 3rd floor and I see a little grassland at throwing distance, where it could blend in as innocent dogshit. I catapult my projectile. Mid air it looses its paper cover and with its all exposed beauty lands on the windshield of an old Toyota parked just by the grassland.

I only briefly reflected on the kind of terror I caused as I really needed to wash my hand fast and she came just few moments after

We had a fun evening, my dignity remained, but now in bed cant sleep peacefully knowing my shit is out there on someones toyota.

TL;DR: Stayed at a girls place. Took a dump in her toilet while she was on the way. Couldn't flush it even with two pots. Threw the turd out of window to a grassland but it landed on car.

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Comments

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OkVolume1 t1_jd5fmac wrote

Look, daddy, it's a Toyota Turdra.

76

NoraGrooGroo t1_jd5gcs7 wrote

You’ve heard of the Toy-boat-a, now get ready for the Toy-floater

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JedyKnight t1_jd5j6q2 wrote

Legend tells that the Toyota owner is still seen roaming around looking at the sky searching for that Giant seagull...

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ut3jaw t1_jd5mpo7 wrote

"In Russia, we don't flush toilet, we hurl turds out the window. "

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jdmkev t1_jd5vjdw wrote

"Huge shit flushing operation" 💀

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pwalkz t1_jd5y617 wrote

Did ChatGPT write this fiction?

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PissdrunxPreme t1_jd61gm7 wrote

I read Kansas City at first and then was like WTF, why is there Soviet buildings in KC?

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SadgeKEK t1_jd62cbx wrote

This sounds like a dumb and dumber bit.

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archlich t1_jd68ypt wrote

Add toilet paper to the top to give it more surface area

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hanap8127 t1_jd6bbvr wrote

What do the owners of these toilets that never flush do?

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trite_post t1_jd6bjdd wrote

Now we know why Toyota names their cars TRD

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Backpayne80 t1_jd6e6d5 wrote

Toyota owner: Holy hell! What kind of bird dropped this duece!

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hattyhat24 t1_jd6fl4z wrote

The owner of that car is gonna be like, what in the hell did that bird eat?

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Ucitymetal t1_jd6kohi wrote

You gotta have a lot of water to make it work well like a mop bucket full of water, i sadly know from experience.

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Immeasurable51 t1_jd6ktnd wrote

Replying to FeelingFloor2083 (#2,299,460)

That’s the first thing I thought, as soon as OP said they knew the plumbing was bad, but they realllly had to go. It’s super obvious that you’d need to “flush as you go” in that kind of situation.

I could understand this being a problem in the US, where you’d have been expecting the toilet to work the same as every other (majority) toilet, and then unexpectedly discover an issue with the plumbing…but he KNEW the plumbing was bad before he dropped a half dozen kids at the pool??

Something smells off about this story.

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Ninjaxas OP t1_jd6o9im wrote

Replying to Eyes_and_teeth (#2,297,057)

Its not hers, I know her car, but actually if it was hers, I would atleast be able to save my conscience and display my gentlemen manners by offering to remove the turd from the window.

We just woke up and she is getting prepared to drive me to airport. The shit is still there I can see.

I decided I will just payoff this karma debt in different ways as claning a 'random' poop from a strangers car in front of her is kind of sus.

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FeelingFloor2083 t1_jd6r7g5 wrote

Replying to Ninjaxas (#2,300,711)

hmm, even if pressure is low a toilet should flush properly unless there is a calcium/lime build up

the pot trick should have worked but maybe you needed more water to find the right flow, usually a 9L bucket will do

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Ninjaxas OP t1_jd6rjzf wrote

Replying to FeelingFloor2083 (#2,300,801)

The pot was pretty the biggest I could find but maybe 3-4l. The second pot was even smaller.

I think a part of the problem was the rusty and stuck flush button. I pushes in a clunky way so the water is released in sort of smaller chunks

Maybe it could have done bette by looking for even bigger pot, but its over now.

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Retrac752 t1_jd6whvi wrote

Replying to Ninjaxas (#2,300,631)

God, imagine if u did clean it up off the car in front of her, shed wonder "what the fuck, why" for the rest of her life, because there is zero chance she puts together that u cleaned it up because it's yours, because you took a shit and couldn't flush it, panicked, and threw it out the window because you didn't want to ruin your vibes

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reevelainen t1_jd6zqzb wrote

You were very lucky. I know a lady who rejected a guy who went in her toilet and made a shit. Some ladies are very tense about pooping men.

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chuchofreeman t1_jd77hsd wrote

Replying to Ninjaxas (#2,300,822)

next time open the water tank and pull up the "seal" thingy manually, that way the water comes down with full force, or was it one of those toilets with the water tank near the ceiling?

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THphantom7297 t1_jd77qno wrote

Man why doesn't anyone do the normal, basic human thing in this scenario, and go "hey, so this is a bit embaressing, but do you have any tips with your toilet? its not flushing and i did have to use it..."

talking solves a lotta issues, everyones adults, we're not here like "girls don't poop thats weird"

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onkus t1_jd7eu2g wrote

I love ESL sometimes. “Urge to make shit”. Makes me rethink how I could communicate with my fellow humans on a level which resonates with everyone.

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dekabreak1000 t1_jd7f5o2 wrote

This is just comedy fucking gold I haven’t enjoyed a laugh like this in some time take my upvote

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dewayneestes t1_jd7hs3u wrote

I felt every second of this drama in my gut.

We are a little older and my wife decided we needed to replace our toilets with a nicer but frankly ridiculously expensive new toilets. I don’t think I have ever experienced such a powerful and instantaneous lifestyle upgrade.

Our water usage dropped by almost 2/3. I knew the old ones were leaky but wow that is a LOT of water.

And more importantly, these babies have never clogged or flushed incompletely. I feel like they could eat a litter of kittens in one flush, truly amazing.

We also drive a Toyota and I’d never considered the dangers there… glad we upgraded.

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Tyetus t1_jd7knz8 wrote

forget the poopknife?

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WhatCanIBeOn t1_jd7lck8 wrote

Next time do it in the trash can….then take it out.

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mr_dbini t1_jd7ui1j wrote

Kaunas is a nice place, I visited for the first time last year. thank you for sharing your TIFU - it made me laugh out loud. i hope the rest of your visit goes as smoothly.

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FG88_NR t1_jd81s7z wrote

Replying to THphantom7297 (#2,301,673)

Right? Like clearly, this lady took a shit before and would know how to make her own toilet flush. I can't imagine going through this and concluding that picking up my own shit and toss it out the window is somehow better than asking how to get the toilet to flush properly...

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cantareSF t1_jd8d0hf wrote

Relax. "Fell out the window" is the way most important shit gets handled in the Russian sphere of influence these days...

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EaseConsistent7016 t1_jd8h5bf wrote

OP, I fucking loved this story. Thanks a lot for sharing. Also, the wordings used were excellent, it made the story 10 times better.

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Spiegs1984 t1_jd8k241 wrote

I pictured the slow unraveling of the turd mid air with opera music in the background 😂

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Juraki t1_jd8nd6w wrote

I pictured the throw like a track and field event I like to now call “Shit put”.

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andyr072 t1_jd8wh89 wrote

And this is why you need a poopknife. Cutting your turds onto smaller pieces might have allowed it to weak flush to handle it.

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lionheartcz t1_jd8xs82 wrote

>Some shit go down but two big turds still chilling above sea level

the slightly broken English is incredible. chilling above sea level. that's fantastic.

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snowboard7621 t1_jd8z9xv wrote

You should be friends with the dude who tried to throw a steak out the window.

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bakanisan t1_jd9e2wg wrote

When you're dropping nukes, better flush that shit (heh) right when it hits the water. Don't wait till the end to flush. Remember, flush as you go.

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PaschalisG16 t1_jdcces2 wrote

Alright that was funny but also completely made up.

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bwoah07_gp2 t1_jdhab5r wrote

Desperate times call for desperate actions. 😅

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