TIFU by choking the chicken after my tonsillectomy

Submitted by Fireblade09 t3_zwobwm in tifu

I, like most 23 year old males, occasionally partake in the sinful activity known as masturbation. In addition to damning myself to hell for such behavior, I was also blessed with the worst tonsils known to man. For the past decade, I have gotten strep at least 4-5 times a year. Got the flu? Strep. Got COVID? Strep. Slightly run down? Strep. Stiff breeze blows in my direction? You guessed it--hard-on and strep.

After getting mono, I started having tonsil stones, which finally prompted me to pull the trigger and remove the bastards. So, this Christmas, my gift was two big holes in my mouth and pain medicine. Shoutout to my family, they have been absolute angels and taken great care of me.

The surgery went fine and the pain was all-in-all miserable but manageable. I spent the first 4 days essentially fading in and out of a light coma with occasional breaks for Narco and applesauce. On Day 5 (Christmas!), I woke up around 7 AM feeling like I had turnt a corner. I got up, and while in the shower, decided to engage in some tom-foolery.

Here's what you need to know about tonsillectomies. There are a lot (emphasis on a lot) of arteries and veins back there. Lots of blood flow to the area. As such, ENT docs cauterize the ever-loving shit out of the back of your throat and warn against any kind physical activity for 2 weeks . One of the biggest complications is bleeding, which happens to about 10% of people. It is considered a medical emergency and necessitates a visit to the ER.

Had I done some due diligence before beating my meat like it owes me money, I would have found several similar TIFUs within the great scrolls of Reddit (example here). Alas, I did not. And as such, I raised my heart rate and blood pressure while in a hot shower.

I finished the deed and got dressed. As soon as I pulled on clothes, I started bleeding.

When my doc warned against bleeding, I assumed a little ooze. A much more accurate term would have been "burst pipe" or perhaps "geyser." I am actively hemorrhaging. Blood fills my mouth instantly. I spit it out and it immediately fills up again. Instantly, my heart rate spikes and I feel faint. Holy fuck--I'm going to die. I yell for my parents and, as my mom pulls on her shoes and grabs keys, I spit up more blood than I thought humanly possible.

On the way to the ER, I continued spitting up and gurgling ice water. The ice water slowed the bleeding significantly, to the point where, by the time we got to the ER, the doctor was unable to find the source. He cauterized all around my scabs with some silver nitrate, then sent me home. The bleeding seemed to have stopped.

That evening, I was playing some video games and still spitting up small amounts of blood, and nothing puts me in the mood like Halo Infinite and bloody saliva. Not putting two and two together, I went for Round 2. As I was getting close, the geyser erupted again. Back to the ER (with blue balls this time!) I finally realized the extent of my fuck up.

At the ER, they paged my ENT doc. Since the bleeding could be slowed with ice water and the docs couldn't find the source, they sent me home again, with plans to see my ENT in the morning.

What followed was the absolute worst night of my life. I would lay in bed as still as possible and without swallowing (out of fear of triggering another bleed) for about an hour, the clot would burst, I would bleed profusely for 30 minutes, then repeat. I couldn't take my pain or nausea medicine out of fear of triggering another bleed. I couldn't eat or drink anything, so I slowly felt more and more faint. I bled 7 times total.

By the time we got to my ENT's office at 8 AM, I was in rough, rough shape. Pale as a ghost, sleep-deprived, blood-deprived, having diarrhea from swallowing too much blood, and completely mentally and emotionally shot. My ENT gave me a choice--we could either go under general anesthesia for another surgery, or he could do his best to cauterize it locally. I went with Option #2: a terrible choice considering my awful gag reflex.

Sitting in my ENT's office, the bleeding was in a slow period, making it tough for my ENT to find the exact spot. Suddenly, I had a genius idea on how to trigger the bleeding. I excused myself to the bathroom, pulled up my trusty NSFW Reddit account, and a few seconds later, had a nice bleed going.

The procedure was miserable. I coughed and spat up a ton of blood. I had a burst artery in a really difficult spot to access--it took my ENT a full 20 minutes of gagging and cauterizing to close it up. Doc was a trooper--I coughed a ton of blood on the poor guy. Nonetheless, after the worst 20 minutes of my life, the bleeding was stopped and my doc checked me into the hospital to get a few bags of IV and to monitor for a bit. I was completely and utterly exhausted.

Today, my spit is blood-free. I can eat, drink, sleep, and take medicine again. I appear to be in the clear, except for the fact that I'm stuck at home for 2 full weeks just in case I bleed again, meaning I'll miss the first day of class for my graduate program (and I am essentially doing No Nut Holiday Season). All the same, the relief I'm feeling is immaculate. Lesson learned.

TL;DR: A few days after my tonsil removal surgery, I raised my blood pressure by masturbating, triggering a burst artery and turning myself into a bloody Old Faithful.

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alice_op t1_j1vzpi6 wrote

Wow.

I wondered why tonsillectomies aren't recommended for adults. Now I know. Cheers, OP.

and cheers to your swift recovery!

1,225

Fireblade09 OP t1_j1w0lyl wrote

The risk of bleeding is also highest in young adult males.

Lmao

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blitzfreak_69 t1_j1wv2fd wrote

Holy shit dude, I had a tonsillectomy last summer, the worst 20 days of my life. Had to be on painkiller shots twice a day for 10 days, and could eat only vanilla pudding, ice cream and soups. How the hell did you manage to be in the mood to do the deed? Hats off.

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froggieslc t1_j1xe596 wrote

I had my tonsils and adenoids taken out about 4 years ago. I made the genius idea to have my ENT fix my deviated septum at the same time. Worst decision ever. That that literal hell for two weeks. Looking back I’m glad I had it done. But holy hell that was rough. And yeah, how you even felt good enough to try that in the shower is amazing.

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Inphearian t1_j1xt1r2 wrote

Looking into getting tonsils and adenoids out as an adult. This is the first thing about the procedure that made me second guess it. Not jerking it for two weeks might not be possible.

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designer_of_drugs t1_j1xu4vi wrote

It’s a notoriously painful surgery for adults.

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r0ss86 t1_j1ykq84 wrote

Why’s it any different for kids?

My kids been having issues with his nose for a while so was just windering

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ElleHopper t1_j1ywh88 wrote

I had it in middle school. I had to take my pain medication on time every time (every 4 hours), make sure to drink water to keep my throat from drying out too much (chewing gum was also helpful), and rest. Felt almost entirely better after a week, but after the first 3 days of sleeping, I was able to be up and about to play games or whatever.

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g-g-g-g-ghost t1_j1yq3gj wrote

I had my tonsils out at like 8 or 9 and I was fine the next day, though I can't speak to adenoids or a deviated septum

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Inphearian t1_j20271t wrote

Yep, that’s basically the reason they don’t recommend it.

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Fireblade09 OP t1_j1xl7s0 wrote

I think I was just desperate for a serotonin hit. Help the pain and enjoy myself for a little

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Goukerng t1_j1x9kj8 wrote

Try a tonsillectomy, adenectomy, and (idk the term for it) half of your uvala taken out at once... That was hell on earth

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AnonoMussChick t1_j1xsxob wrote

Same. I handle pain really well, but that was another level.

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LocoCoopermar t1_j1xwogv wrote

Why did they take part of your uvula?

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Goukerng t1_j1xxtg3 wrote

I had severe sleep apnea and it was due to very large adenoids and such. ENT Said it was prob better to do more than less since the surgery is typically less effective when you are older so they took part of that as well

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LocoCoopermar t1_j1xyi0p wrote

Dang did it help, I have really bad sleep apnea and still have all my equipment, and I get tonsil stones so this is starting to sound enticing

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Goukerng t1_j1y3ja4 wrote

Not as much as I would of hoped. I am able to breathe through my nose now which I couldn't before and never realized that wasn't normal. I can't gargle or get up mucus very well now. Overall though it did help some so I'd say it was worth it. How bad is your apnea? I think mine was every 7 mins I'd stop breathing so depending on how serious yours is you can weigh if it's worth it

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LocoCoopermar t1_j1zk0r8 wrote

I don't remember the exact stats but I was in a hypoxic state causing damage for like 70%+ every night, I got my nose worked on not too long ago for similar reasons and that seemed to help a lot so I may just stick with that for now

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Crippled_Criptid t1_j1zfest wrote

I wonder if this is a US thing, because I got given ibuprofen and paracetamol... That's it. It was utter hell but I never considered that they usually give heavy duty meds for it. Ironically I'm now terminally ill and connected to a 24/7 morphine pump, I guess I'm making up for it with all the fun drugs now haha

But for real, do the US really hand out opiates that easily?!

Edit to add, I also had a bleed the night after surgery, a big ole gusher, that needed a 2nd surgery. Luckily I was still in hospital that night or I probably would have bled to death, given my parents had intended on starting our summer camper trip on the day I left hospital...

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Chreed96 t1_j1xzrjg wrote

I had them out in 2nd grade, so I think 7/8? I really don't remember the pain being that bad?

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Nadamir t1_j1y89ht wrote

Honestly, I’m surprised they weren’t more clear in terms of what constitutes vigorous activity.

I had one of mine (yes, just the one) taken out a few years back, but I was older than you. The doc looked at my wedding ring and explicitly told me “Sex is a strenuous activity.” I told him that I was a widower and without skipping a beat, he replied, “So is flying solo.”

Anyhow, take your pills on time, and push through the feeling of swallowing glass to get enough to eat.

(And if anyone is wondering why it was just the one tonsil, well it decided to be a little shithead and pretend to be cancerous. Since good doctors aren’t in the habit of taking out working bodily organs, they left the other in. I’m a walking before and after tonsillectomy example for my doctors and dentist.)

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Neat-Swimmer-5811 t1_j1yc416 wrote

Holy!

TIL how dangerous a tonsillectomy can be!

With or without intentional physical "activity."

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Fireblade09 OP t1_j1yd12v wrote

To be fair, the mortality rate of a tonsillectomy is very, very low. I thought I had lost a ton of blood but I still didn’t require a transfusion. Once you get to the ER, it’s a pretty routine surgery to patch you back up. It’s just highly alarming and very uncomfortable.

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TucuReborn t1_j1yhj4s wrote

Humans can lose a shocking volume of blood without it being a major problem. And, TBH, the bigger issue is the lost hydration for most people.

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Neat-Swimmer-5811 t1_j1zrubr wrote

Good to know.

I think I would be extra worried about folks who live alone, & children, or others who may not be able to know, fully understand, or be able to communicate that there is bleeding/complications happening (especially at night).

It just all sounds a lot more intense & painful than what I was aware of. I watched a best friend's toddler recover & it was so sad. I remember it was a challenge keeping him hydrated bc of the pain. Kids are tough tho.

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Raz0rking t1_j1yqw4d wrote

>The risk of bleeding is also highest in young adult males.

I wonder why...

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SassiesSoiledPanties t1_j1y0drx wrote

Also...when your ENT gives you instructions for pain meds...you better follow those instructions to the damned letter. If you have to wake up at 3 AM to take pills and then fall asleep again, you better do it. As long as the pain cycle is kept at bay, you'll be ok.

I wanted to be tough so I thought: fuck it, I'll take them first thing in the morning...I...woke at 11 AM the next day. Let me tell you, the discomfort when I tried to drink water felt like I was trying to drink shredded obsidian glass. It only got worse. At times I felt like a Japanese Giant Hornet was lovingly sexing up my throat. Recovery was estimated for two weeks, sooooo you'll need to eat. Try drinking lukewarm soup. BLAND lukewarm soup because if you salt it, it will feel like you gave your Japanese Giant Hornet Viagra. I'm a problematic sleeper and any discomfort fucks with my ability to fall asleep so that delayed the recovery too.

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thepineapplesuprise t1_j1yzq3s wrote

I (22F) just had my tonsillectomy for thanksgiving. Absolutely horrible. Was getting up every four hours to take that damn nasty ass medicine. I can’t handle liquid meds very well so it’s a matter of me fighting to get myself to take it and then fighting to not vomit profusely immediately as it hits my lips. By some miracle I was able to keep it all down but the one time I skipped it due to it being 3am, I woke up feeling like I had just tried to swallow a entire uncut pineapple. PLEASE take your meds if you get a tonsillectomy.

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mrzurkonandfriends t1_j1vxmna wrote

Man almost nut himself out of existence

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Oms19 t1_j1wemmw wrote

a nut good enough to die for

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Hugues-Guy t1_j1vuhxm wrote

I must say, that was an excellent read. I would be lying if I said I didn't laugh the whole time. Glad to know you're better though, I hope you'll get well soon!

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__WanderLust_ t1_j1w1qlw wrote

The biggest design flaw in humans is that our brains convince us that having an orgasm is preferable to death or serious injury.

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ThatOneGuy308 t1_j1wu0pt wrote

It's not a bug, it's a feature.

From an evolutionary standpoint, your death is worth it if you manage to reproduce, so here we are.

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Kile147 t1_j1yaprt wrote

Not exactly. Our young are useless and need protection/support. If we die trying to raise them they die too, and the resources spent to get us to breeding age were wasted.

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ThatOneGuy308 t1_j1yy89t wrote

While this is true, you don't actually need both parents to raise the child, realistically, only the female has to survive.

Although I suppose even for males, it would be more optimum to survive long enough to impregnate multiple partners in order to maximize potential surviving children, so it's still not ideal to die.

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Atharaenea t1_j23hos1 wrote

Humans evolved to be highly social, so our young don't necessarily NEED their parents, so long as there are still adults in the tribe to care for them, or other lactating women if they're so young they're reliant on nursing.

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erriuga_leon27 t1_j1yc999 wrote

Brain: if he dies, he dies

  • but that would mean the brain dies too

Brain: shit

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DietDrBleach t1_j21b706 wrote

It’s a carry over from our monke days when we would reproduce by finding multiple random females in the wild and doing the pelvic thrust. This maximizes the chance that one of your children passes on your genes.

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Gaviel t1_j1wfnx6 wrote

I did this after an eye surgery once and lost use of the eye. Would not recommend.

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wmb0117 t1_j1y1na4 wrote

Dang, your mom was right, you jerked it and went (partially) blind!

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Gaviel t1_j1y3fq3 wrote

I made that joke to the doctor, they didn't appreciate it.

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saleboulot t1_j1wjoqn wrote

What did you do to lose the eye ? Jerking off or the tonsillectomy?

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Gaviel t1_j1wmtij wrote

The former

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CS-KOJI t1_j1wtiib wrote

Have you permanently lost vision in that eye ?

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Gaviel t1_j1wtwe2 wrote

Yeah it's completely gone. Definitely do not recommend giving yourself "self love" after any surgeries because of it.

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CS-KOJI t1_j1wum3h wrote

That’s awful, what a shitty thing to happen. I had no idea how dangerous it could be, I’ll definitely keep this in mind if I ever find myself needing surgery.

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hanazawarui123 t1_j1ym74e wrote

I had a laproscopy for my hernia and was scared to touch myself for over a week. Before my checkup, I thought I'll just "check the pipes" and did the deed. Even though there were no complications, in hindsight, I probably should have waited longer.

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Squigglepig52 t1_j1zaieo wrote

Me at 17 jerking it a few days after a torsion repair.

Just, don't.

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CptKakise t1_j1yckxh wrote

And here I thought masturbation made you deaf smh

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One-Accident8015 t1_j1wfyq1 wrote

I had the exact same side effect for very very very different reasons lol.

In my case, I was 30 (by 2 days). Surgery was Wednesday. I had undergone emergency surgery on my knee on the Monday in another city and province. As well as the tonsillectomy, they were cutting out some scar tissue in my throat. Afterwards it felt like a chunk was stuck in my throat. After about 3 days, I tried to clear my throat. And it worked! Spit out the chunk. But in getting that chunk out I ripped everything open. I just stood over the sink with my mouth open and it was like a faucet. I just attod there and screamed for my deaf sleeping father lol

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OGkateebee t1_j1xbpyp wrote

Jesus Christ. My TIFU was reading this thread two months before I’m scheduled to get my tonsils out at 38. Omg. I’m terrified now.

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Fireblade09 OP t1_j1xdguw wrote

It’s pretty rare and now you know what to avoid!

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1000Years0fDeath t1_j1yb1qx wrote

Drink water constantly. Don't go longer than 4 hours without drinking water. Do that and you'll be fine

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thepineapplesuprise t1_j1yzxm9 wrote

If you go over to /tonsillectomy they have a lot of posts and things that are helpful. You can ask questions on there as well as usually you’ll be able to find someone to help pretty quickly.

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Lloyd959 t1_j1yo79e wrote

I'm going to the doctor in January to make my appointment. Wish you best of luck fellow anxious commenter!

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Hakthaf t1_j1wlsix wrote

That post nut clarity hit hard.

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GlobalMonke t1_j1vyv5u wrote

Same thing, but with sex. Sent home with no bleeding the first time, emergency surgery the second time. The second time wasn’t caused by sexy times though.

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Fireblade09 OP t1_j1w0hyi wrote

I think once you burst it, anything will trigger it

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pokekyo12 t1_j1waqc7 wrote

I can't believe I read this I feel incredibly sick now.

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surgicalhoopstrike t1_j1w79b8 wrote

Wow, man! Might wanna keep your hands off ya junk for a few days.

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bros402 t1_j1w3hlu wrote

uhhh

did they check your hemoglobin to see if you need a blood transfusion

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VexingRaven t1_j1wye69 wrote

I'm sure they did, a blood panel pretty much standard procedure for any hospital admission in my experience.

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Fireblade09 OP t1_j1zg3wj wrote

I did not. I was just above the threshold tho

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BigoofingSad t1_j1wuwiu wrote

I had mine taken out when I was 8, being the dumbass kid that I was, I damn near bled to death. For a single potato chip.

These things happen lol.

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n33bulz t1_j1w6ncf wrote

Celebratory wank!

Oh wait…

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AshCali94 t1_j1x2lc5 wrote

I unfortunately had a similar experience with my tonsillectomy. I didn't do the self pleasuring you did, all I did was accidentally snore while sleeping and it opened a flood of blood on day 2. Ice water slowed the bleeding, the office used nitrate (I think) so cauterize where they thought it was from. Later that night it randomly opened again but this time I couldn't get it to stop. I was basically coughing on my own blood, and nearly fainted while I was wheeled into surgery. They pumped my stomach because I swallowed so much blood. Luckily the second surgery went well and while I did have minor bleed days later, nothing to that extent.

I'm glad I did it, but almost dying really makes you think having strep 5 times a winter might be a little better lol

P.s., I'm also an adult. Had this done at 26. It was a horrible, traumatic experience.

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wildcrisis t1_j1xsnzb wrote

Oh my god, you’re not our patient, but we had a recent tonsil tonsillectomy patient (M21) turn into a blood geyser around the 4-5 day post op too. Apparently he also had to get cauterized twice, but he had to go under and get the stitches. We saw him today and everything looks fine now, but when he comes in for his next post op appointment IM GOING TO WONDER IF THIS IS WHY HE BLED SO BADLY

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Fireblade09 OP t1_j1xtx4s wrote

I almost guarantee it

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wildcrisis t1_j1xu726 wrote

I wonder if I can convince the doctor to discreetly tell young men not to whack it for like a week post surgery. I’m showing him this post tomorrow.

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Fireblade09 OP t1_j1zg7ii wrote

Lemme know what he says. My doctor laughed his ass off and advised against touching myself for a few weeks

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wildcrisis t1_j21tckp wrote

Well, my doctor also laughed his ass off (which was much needed, the end of the year is so stressful and busy for us), and says you definitely need at least two weeks off from those kinds of fun activities LMAO

When I reminded him the 3 tonsil bleeds we’ve seen in the last 6 months have all been males ages 16-25 he shook his head

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Frost-Wzrd t1_j1wbmx4 wrote

damn I'm glad I had my tonsils out when I was around 10-11. all I remember is eating soup and icecream for a week

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sassafrassky t1_j1wga8y wrote

Yikes. And I thought getting Influenza A, having a wicked cough and having to choose between Morphine (for the tonsillectomy pain) and Tussionex (for the cough) 3 days after getting my tonsils out at 26 was bad... Good news is that between those two narcotics I was also pretty much in a coma so no horniness for a while. It was probably for the best if I listen to your cautionary tale 😂

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IsaRos t1_j20b2xe wrote

Just recovering from Influenza, that fuckin cough is the worst, doctor said it can last up to 6 weeks. Jay.

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Super_C_Complex t1_j1wvmvl wrote

Got mine out at 31.

Was out of my desk job for a week. Went back under general anesthesia to fix a bleed and out for another week.

When they say to look for grape jelly in the back of your throat. I saw exactly that.
Woke up with it and had dried blood everywhere.

I didn't have fun breaking my cauterizations open. I just suffered.

I'm glad you got your nut on though

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Fireblade09 OP t1_j1yfn3l wrote

Just wanted to say thanks everyone for the well wishes. It’s been 2 days since the second procedure and I’ve had no more blood in my spit.

To be completely fair, I doubt masturbating was the sole cause of this. I had small amounts of blood in my spit the night before. My guess is that the scabs were coming off early, and my lotion up-ed hand was the killing blow. The second & third times were definitely due to jerking off. The clot that formed and slowed the bleeding was pretty weak—a little elevated heart rate was all I needed

I see my doctor tomorrow for a follow-up so he can take a look and make sure everything is holding. I’m debating asking my parents to leave the room and asking him lmao. If I do, I’ll let ya know.

Update: my doctor laughed his ass off and said that it was certainly possible. He said he would advise people to avoid that activity from now on. I did not tell him about getting it on in his bathroom to induce a bleed.

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Avaric1994 t1_j1wcdtb wrote

So glad I got mine out when I was 8. Was out of hospital the day after surgery and basically back to full health within a few days.

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TheFirebyrd t1_j1y2p3f wrote

I wish they’d taken mine. Nobody would do it even though I had tons of throat problems. The stories in this thread are terrifying me, because I’m pretty sure I need them out, but I’m in my 40’s now.

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Toulamarr t1_j1wqdua wrote

I got mine out at 18 and went to see Star Wars the day I got out. High as a kite, I vaguely remember spitting up blood in the cinema bathroom beforehand, and not telling anyone because I didn't want to miss the movie. I remember it being a lot but nothing like this. Yikes.

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iamcrockydile t1_j1xm81j wrote

I’m So sorry OP, But I can’t stop laughing. I know this is bad but, what made you do it twice? Hahaha

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Sovereign444 t1_j1wjo8h wrote

Oh fuck just reading this made me feel faint and weak like I was the one losing blood holy shit lol

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devawor123 t1_j1wr3fv wrote

Actually a good TIFU for a change...

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Golluk t1_j1x1eb2 wrote

Well done on describing it. It was a perfect example of when I can't handle blood without going feint and nauseous. Couldn't finish reading it, lol.

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scotjames12 t1_j1xf5uc wrote

People still say "choking the chicken" apparently.

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principalskinrash t1_j1wuca2 wrote

I had the same throat haemorrhaging post-tonsillectomy cuz I bent over to pick something up off the floor and the increased blood pressure to my head made the surgery wounds burst open :(

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n3ww0rldf00l t1_j1y4bay wrote

A man masturbated after getting his tonsils out. This is what happened to his arteries.

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Fireblade09 OP t1_j1y8acv wrote

Tell me you don’t understand the cardiovascular system without telling me you don’t understand the cardiovascular system

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DoobZilla t1_j1wl859 wrote

Wait, you're not supposed to bleed when you beat it like a red-headed stepchild?

I might be doing it wrong...

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RudeSprinkles1240 t1_j1xffiv wrote

*Norco. It's vicodin, but with less acetaminophen.

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Fireblade09 OP t1_j1xfiaw wrote

Yes thank you. My mom has been handling my daily pills so I haven’t read the label

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trisinwonderland t1_j1xstp1 wrote

…why did I think you had literally choked a chicken 😂😂

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BuffetDecimator t1_j1xt28g wrote

"Beating my meat like it owes me money" 🤣

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Mister_Brevity t1_j1y0hsv wrote

I remember as a kid, got my tonsils out and a nurse decided to give me jello… red jello.

Still in the hospital (I had thin blood and they needed to monitor for a couple nights) I vomited and it was bright red and all hell broke loose until someone noticed the jello cup and asked “what color” lol.

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l3etelgeuse t1_j1x118g wrote

God damn, an epic fuck up for sure. Thank your for sharing and get feeling better, my dude.

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SuperWaluigiWorld t1_j1xifwa wrote

I used to get strep a lot as well. A lot. Haven’t had it since my mid 20s. I think I’m effectively immune to it now (late 30s) and I’m sure your immune system has probably badassed itself as well. They never thought to take out my shredded tonsils so on the downside sometimes it’s tough to swallow food. They say having your tonsils out as an adult is a nightmare. Do you feel differently and would you recommend for fellow strep sufferers?

Edit: the recovery process is notoriously a nightmare. How is it going?

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AnonoMussChick t1_j1xu1hp wrote

He may not be able to answer yet because he’s still healing. My tonsillectomy was also hell. I think I was 28. It was gross, painful, and tiring. Still, I would do it again considering how often I had strep and how often I was at a medical office instead of work, school, or having fun. I get an occasional sore throat, but nowhere near the pain, fever, and contagion that strep brought. I always made my boyfriend sick when I had it!

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goblinbox t1_j1xvaei wrote

I'm sorry, genuinely, but this is some of THE FUNNIEST SHIT I have EVER read. Oh my GOD, dude, stop touching yourself for five minutes!!! loooool

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FoxInSheepsSkin t1_j1y04oe wrote

And just like that I continue to procrastinate on my tonsillectomy even further

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SayNyetToRusnya t1_j1yyl4u wrote

That was genuinely horrifying. Like anxiety levels reading it went through the roof

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IronicJeremyIrons t1_j1wir90 wrote

Man... Glad that I haven't had issues with my tonsils

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AJ7861 t1_j1x9og6 wrote

Holy fuck that was a wild ride.

Even though you obviously lived, towards the end I was like fuck he ain't gonna make it.

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ipodintheocean t1_j1xdkhp wrote

Would you do it again? Was not having tonsil stones worth it ??

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Shike t1_j1xk7he wrote

Can't speak for OP, I used to get sinus infections once a month at minimum (it felt like they never went away) and my allergies combined made me miserable. IIRC they were taken out late teens early twenties - one of the best decision I made.

They should have ripped them out when I was much younger TBH.

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TheFirebyrd t1_j1y2xp4 wrote

Ugh, I’ve had so many sinus and throat problems in my life and none of the doctors I saw as a kid would agree to take them out. I no doubt need it but these stories are terrifying.

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ianelgreenleaf t1_j1xvij4 wrote

Ummm wow. Good to know next time I need surgery

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ehenn12 t1_j1y587q wrote

Bro, that ENT did you dirty doing that awake in the office.

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Fireblade09 OP t1_j1y894c wrote

He numbed me up very well and gave me a choice. No pain, just gagging. He also cut his Christmas plans a day short and flew back so he could patch me up himself. I’m very appreciative of him.

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ehenn12 t1_j2218u0 wrote

Glad you're okay! Glad he was able to fix you up!

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Both_Ad_5275 t1_j1y69oh wrote

I’m 18 and just got mine out. It’s been 4 days and I’ve been jogging around and putting some strain on my body. Maybe i’ll tone it down a bit

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OneGayPigeon t1_j1y6voa wrote

I couldn’t stop rapidly shaking my head “no” the entire time I was reading ohhhh my god I’m so glad that’s over for you holy shit

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mxmccc t1_j1y86bb wrote

Lmaaaooo shame dude.. Best of luck!!!

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Blubbpaule t1_j1y8zwy wrote

As someone who nearly died because of a tonsilectomy and had surgery 3 times within 72 hours to keep me from bleeding to death i sincerely say : take docs serious . Although my case was because docs fucked up.

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Pay_Tiny t1_j1y9dm7 wrote

Reading this made me lightheaded, jeez bro, hope you restore all that blood, may your next beatings of meats be uninterrupted by this shit and blood flowing through your dong like never before

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theapothecarium t1_j1yae24 wrote

OP i feel sorry for you, but, boy that was entertaining to read!

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Ok-Course3540 t1_j1yckoo wrote

I read the title wrong and was very confused very quickly but I didn’t check the title again until I read the whole thing I was invested

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Chatterbunny123 t1_j1yes6v wrote

>Had I done some due diligence before beating my meat like it owes me money, I would have found several similar TIFUs within the great scrolls of Reddit

This got my dying.

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TucuReborn t1_j1yhh44 wrote

Yep, tonsillectomies are awful.

20 days of hydrocodone and basically being in a 20 hour coma day in and day out only waking to piss and eat jello was certainly... an experience...

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iamlepotatoe t1_j1ymkiv wrote

First week of class is usually just talking about "what we are going to study" so you won't be missing much. I tend to miss the first week as they're so boring. They basically just put the rubric into a powerpoint

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Lloyd959 t1_j1ypci1 wrote

I'm probably going to remove mine next year at 28. Atleast i know what not to do

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lostinthemasses t1_j1ypzfr wrote

Hope you're not in the US dude, even with decent enough insurance that sounds like a decent used car's worth of expenses so far not including the initial surgery.

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Fireblade09 OP t1_j1z2g02 wrote

I met my insurance deductible breaking my ankle earlier this year, hence why I’m doing this surgery now.

Love the American healthcare system.

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Disastrous-Nerve-494 t1_j1yqgeb wrote

Goddam. Im so happy i had the surgery as a child. Thanks for sharing OP

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OriolesrRavens1974 t1_j1yqs1r wrote

That’s the most entertaining thing I’ve read in months.

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Yelsm15 t1_j1yte68 wrote

Holy mac and cheesa n meatballs. Laughed my ass of! Epic story!

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KingRichardTheTurd t1_j1z0hjo wrote

Damn I also suffer from this multiple times a year and have done for like 18 years (I'm late 30's now) my doctor refuses to refer me to let me have my tonsils out, I can see why.

Never realised It was that bad.

Edit* Just like to add full blown strep / tonilitus In adult years Is one of the worst things you can ever go through In life. So much more than sore throat.

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Munchee_Dude t1_j1z37gm wrote

Had the same reaction when I was a little kid. Got my tonsils out and had trouble eating anything. Finally my mom made me some ramen and as I was finally eating the first thing in days my scab ruptured Just like yours, a mountain of blood. It looked like someone had just been murdered lol

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forgotMyPrevious t1_j1z435g wrote

Upon reading the title, and up until the first half, I thought OP sucked his own dick in the shower, I was like “Damn, OP!”

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frostherz t1_j1z9dh2 wrote

God damn man. You've just made me realize how my owm fuckup could have turned out 25 years ago. I smoked some weed with my fellow roommate in hospital and had a good high with lots of laughter and noticeable increase in Blood pressure. Nothing happened. But now I know I was playing with fire that day.

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Squigglepig52 t1_j1za9rf wrote

Wonder why recovery is so much harder then when you get them out as a kid?

Few days with a sore throat, and done, when I had mine out.

Eating chips the same day I got home was a bad call, though.

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Fireblade09 OP t1_j1zbu7c wrote

More developed cardiovascular systems is my guess. Adult tonsillectomies are notoriously painful. I got much stronger dose pain medicine for this than when I shattered my ankle

When I was a kid, most doctors figured that we would “grow into them.” God I wish so bad I had a time machine and could convince my parents to lop them off 18 years ago.

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Squigglepig52 t1_j1zi89g wrote

No doubt.

Mind you, when I was a kid, so, 50 years ago, having them out was super common. Like, I don't even think there was an issue with mine at that point.

Take care, dude.

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snoopervisor t1_j1zelw3 wrote

Who told you masturbation is sinful? Sin is a man-made construct that applies only to a certain group of people. And only if they are willing it to.

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SyeThunder2 t1_j1zgupi wrote

Pretty sure I read this exact story a couple months ago here

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Fireblade09 OP t1_j1zh6w5 wrote

Pretty sure you didn’t since it happened 2 days ago

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John__Milton t1_j1zh4ui wrote

I get the feeling that we could be best friends just from reading your text dude. 😂

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sophiebbyg t1_j1zidg6 wrote

holy shit because i literally did this too

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UnAccomplished_Pea26 t1_j1zsgxe wrote

After reading all of these tonsillectomy stories, kudos to my 4 yo who had it done 2 months ago. She was a fucking trooper. All she complained about was not being able to eat.

And, she followed my instructions. No running, no moving a lot, etc, etc.

I guess kids DO listen after all.

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some1CLIPthat t1_j202kzw wrote

Holy smokes my man quit jerking it

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TacoFox19 t1_j20djcv wrote

TWICE, dude?? 🤦🏼‍♀️

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samk002001 t1_j1y2iir wrote

My tonsillectomy was a breeze! Thank god I didn’t beat my meat during that time! 😂

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SadSplinters t1_j1yfgom wrote

Kinda like when I got my first period... Except, well, y'know, blood came out of another hole and I wasn't swallowing it. But yeah, pain, nausea, feeling faint and miserable and thinking you're going to die. If you ever wondered how the first period feels like, that's it, but it goes on for a week or more and you can't cauterize it. Glad you're feeling better, OP.

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