The best tip I can offer is to NEVER sit at a window seat. Then you have nowhere to go. Always sit in the aisle seat; you can't get blocked in and there is an easy escape route. Put the backpack on the window seat. If someone asks to sit down, don't scoot over, get up and let them sit in the window, then if they are a creeper you can leave.

I'm sorry this happened to your daughter and I hope that she regains her confidence soon.

I’m a full blown capable adult who’s pretty fearless and this is how I sit on the metro when it’s not busy.

She can text metro police from her phone. Most other young females will understand if you start randomly talking to them “Sarah! Hey! Glad we ended up on the same train!” They are doing so to escape a creeper and will play along. She can also slyly whisper “this guy is creeping me out, help”.

Tell her that every middle aged woman within a 6 foot radius will come to her aid with the fire of a thousand suns fueled by thirty years of putting up with bullshit.

I am prepared to climb over the back of a seat and any people if I feel trapped in a window seat.

Yes! If she needs help she should make eye contact with a middle aged woman. Or just walk up to one and initiate a conversation like you know them. Next time someone asks her what stop she should turn to the nearest adult woman and say, I'm sorry what stop is we are getting off on. Especially if she is a mom she will play along and act like they are traveling together. My spouse and I have done this for a young lady before. We even got off at her stop and waited till we were sure the creep didn't follow.

My best advice is for her to always have ear buds in (not so loud that she can’t hear her surroundings); sit in the very front car by the conductor; don’t make eye contact with men; and just act like she can’t hear them when they try to talk to her.

It freaking sucks, but that’s what I’ve learned to do and it’s worked thus far. It still pisses me off though that women have to put up with this shit everyday.

Also recommend pulling out her phone and recording the person if they continue to bother her. Someone else mention never sitting by a window— I will echo those comments. Also choosing a car with less people (highly recommended the first car with the train attendant)

This is priceless!

Practice loudly yelling “stop harassing me creep,” “get away from me,” or “leave me alone.” It’ll scare the guy off and other riders will notice what’s going on and help. Teach her to stand up for herself. Creeps count on girls and women being too scared to make a scene or being afraid of not being polite. Sign her up for a self defense class, and get her to read The Gift of Fear.

She can also text the metro police if someone is bothering her or ask any normal looking person on the metro for help. We all know what it’s like to be a teenager being preyed upon.

[removed]

We all know what it’s like being a teenager being preyed upon is perhaps the saddest bit of truth.

It’s the Mr Rogers truth of looking for “helpers” in bad situations. As a middle aged mom I would be all over this IF I knew what was happening.

I think it would be hard for grown adults to do that, let alone a teen. Unfortunately other riders don't always want to get involved and then the situation is more serious bc the dude is likely pissed off. It doesn't scare off some men to be called out, especially if they're in an altered state. The better thing to do is avoid interaction, cutting conversations short, finding ways to get away, subtly recruiting sympathetic passerby for help. Escalation is more of a last resort.

No reason for her to put up with that and have to just put her head down. Tell her to look for help and ask for help. I would hate for my sister or daughter to put up with that and no one to help her.

I will say that if it's really bad, always say "fire". People look towards a fire, some people will reflexively look away from assaults.

If you feel uncomfortable with a person or situation in your car, just get out at the next stop and quickly re-enter the next car. You aren't trapped.

I'm a middle aged, big guy and do this often when I see someone who I profile as a potential troublemaker or is giving me weird vibes. Yes, it means I am making unfair assumptions sometimes. But it doesn't really matter. If I feel someone's a little off, I leave.

Tell her to sit in the first car close to the operator/conductor.

Sorry, Mr Dehymenizer, but single word answers do NOT shut down convos with creeps.

The best thing in these situations is what other women in this thread have suggested: talk to or pretend that you know/are with an older woman on the train.

>The best thing in these situations is what other women in this thread have suggested: talk to or pretend that you know/are with an older woman on the train.

well enjoy the fantasy that you'll run to the rescue of this poor lass!

I agree I’m a female student who takes the metro and I recommend always having headphones on (usually only one ear so I can be aware of surroundings) and don’t make eye contact!!! I also carry pepper spray just in case

This only works if the person does not realize you are getting of the train and follow you. A big adult man getting weird vibes from a fellow passenger is not at all the same experience as a young girl experiencing targeted harassment.

I often wear headphones with nothing playing. So I can hear what’s going on around me but look like I’m not open to conversation

I’ve been the woman on both sides of this “fantasy” but thanks for your input 🙄

Hell, they’d even pull the sun from the sky and launch at the creep if possible.

Sit at the seats facing inside the train near the doors. This varies on different series train but there are always ones not for handicapped that make for an easy escape.

My point is you can often tell who's a creep before the interaction with you begins. Nip it in the bud and leave before the engagement starts.

But also... Stay if you want. I truly don't care. Fuck me for offering advice that's worked for me.

Best advice here. Definitely just go up and initiate a conversation with middle aged woman like you know them, or ask/yell for help so others know to respond.

Thank you for your hard work keeping the streets of DC safe!!!!

Save the metro PD number to her phone. She can text if she feels unsafe

Ear buds is good advice. I don't use them for this reason, but I find it helps keep some panhandlers away as well.

I do this too and while I think it deters some and is worth it it does not deter all. I have had men scream at me to get me to hear them.

Middle aged woman here and absolutely.

A few years ago my co worker was in a window seat and a man ran his hand up her leg and under her skirt. It was so quick and she was trapped. I will never sit in a window seat.

Oh for sure. Some men will not be deterred no matter what you do.

No offense to men because many are our allies and want to help. But I have said this to many male friends, you have absolutely no idea what we deal with. Since you are not a bad man you don’t know how bad men are.

Yes, and sit next to a woman before anything happens. Never get on an empty car. Get on a car with some people in it, and sit next to a woman. Much as I like the idea of making eye contact to get help, lots of people are zoned out on the commute and might not notice somebody trying to make eye contact. Creeps are less likely to bother you if you’re already sitting with another woman.

This was my first thought too. Another would be, if there is another woman commuting, and she's sitting by the window and the seat next to her is free, sit there. Seems like the creeper is least likely to approach in this situation (versus if you are standing up or sitting next to an empty seat).

I’m nostalgic for times when this wasn’t a legitimate everyday concern. Back in the 90’s, we as kids would be excited to hop on the metro to go downtown.

Most people are pretty cautious/observant aware on trains. She can always pretend to know someone (else) and start talking to them. I would expect many people would catch on.

Not sure of your daughters background but have her sit near or around other women middle aged women. The ones who are so off these guys radars. They will not only camouflage her but will be the ones to help.

Absolutely! I would do everything I could to make sure any woman felt safe.

[removed]

If you’re like me and you’re the type to not want to discharge a taser or pepper spray bc your anxiety tells you “uhhh maybe I’m totally reading this wrong, maybe it’d cause a scene, maybe etc” they also make alarms you can get that’ll make a big enough noise to divert attention. Not the same but in case she doesn’t want to carry pepper spray!

I’m really glad you carry pepper spray and despite its legality I hate it can’t be more easily obtained in the district. Just please, please be careful and not use it in a confined space like a crowded train. That can go very badly.

Lot of great suggestions here. I'll throw one in that has seemed to work for me between ages 17-now 26 years old. ALWAYS have resting bitch face or looked pissed off. I cannot say this is the single variable that has helped deter creeps from talking to me, but I have yet to be approached because I always try to come off as unapproachable as possible. Not many men like a shrew, unless you're Heath Ledger from 10 Things I Hate About You. I also emphasize saving Metro PD's number 696-873, so she can text for help.

I’m sorry she has to deal with this but it’s reality as you’ve noted and there’s some great suggestions here. I just want to say for the majority of us men who aren’t creeps, if you see a young woman being harassed step up and help. Even if you’re not a big, imposing guy, confrontational, know BJJ, etc., you can run interference with the aggressor.

“Hey, man, you look familiar. Don’t I know you from…”

“My man you dropped something back there”.

“Hey I’m not from here can you tell me how to get to xyz?

It may give her an opening to bounce and signal you know what’s up and are trying to help out.

>Practice loudly yelling “stop harassing me creep,” “get away from me,” or “leave me alone.”

gonna go ahead and say this is not the way to handle that. if the individual is unstable this will escalate the situation in perhaps a really un-optimal way.

>The best tip I can offer is to NEVER sit at a window seat.

yeah but the window seat has all the good views /s

This is the way.

Men like this get away with too much.

They’re worse than rats.

Back in 90s as kids we’d hop on the Metro and have guys full on expose themselves to us as teens. It’s always been an issue.

I usually traveled the Orange line. Your childhood sounds more exciting than mine.

[deleted]

Tell her that if she screams out “stranger danger” that like 10 people on that train car will immediately zero in on that guy like The Terminator, and some of them will be ready to start kicking the sh*t out of that guy.

I’d come right over and start screaming for him to get away from your daughter. And then start smacking him with my big heavy bag until he was running away screaming like the loser he is.

While we’ll intentioned, this isn’t necessarily great advice.

if she doesn’t make it back on the train before the doors close, then she’s stuck on an empty platform with a creep.

This this this! It offers distraction, de-escalation, and LK intimidation, in that order.

Name checks out.

“That’s my purse! I don’t know you!” 😂

My rats are perfect gentlemen, unlike many actual men.

[removed]

Because I was often on the same train most days, I started to recognize some regular passengers. I would make an effort to sit with them. I think we were sort of protecting each other. We also got to know each other.

Watching this as my 12yo commutes daily as well and this is my worst nightmare

I personally would be scared to take this approach. Some people don’t take rejection of any kind well and go even more “crazy” if that happens. I wish the world were different but the reality is that as a woman we have to have our guard up. In my experience when traveling (28+ countries) it is best to absolutely not even look at them (do NOT make eye contact, just be aware of where they are physically) and they will move on. Also crazy doesn’t mess with crazier. If you speak another language you can respond in it or legit gibberish and they will leave.

Well, putting your bag down in the seat next to you is asking for it to be snatched

I wouldn’t recommend using the backpack strategy unless she has a way to do a safe grip (it could be stolen by said person). My best advice is to never give them attention. Do NOT make eye contact, do NOT acknowledge their existence, do not talk back. I’ve traveled 28+ countries and many cities alone as a woman. The best advice I can give is to just give them a cold shoulder. They will move on if you do. It is a possibility that they get more “triggered” and bother you more but in my many experiences that is very rare.

And also crazy doesn’t mess with crazier. If you speak another language use it to say random things or legit speak back in gibberish. In worst case scenario that they legit don’t leave you alone and it is getting unsafe, cause a major scene. This will bring attention to the situation to other bystanders and they will usually help and/or the creep will leave.

Like other said headphones could be a good idea, just very low volume or no audio at all to be able to stay alert. Aisle seat if possible or sitting next to other women. One more advice is that you can order pepper spray to an Amazon locker in Arlington and pick it up there. It is very hard to find it and buy it in DC.

Amen. Count me in. And all my crew in the comments ready to rise up: read The Change by Kirsten Miller.

1. 100% agree about having headphones or buds in with nothing playing.

2. I second having metro mpd saved on her phone to text. I have it pinned to the top of my text messages so it’s easy to get to. In my experience, the respond quickly.

3. 100% agree with sitting in the first car near the conductor is the safest place.

4. This is advice to everyone - when you see another person engaging in a weird creeper conversation, if you feel comfortable: approach them and say to the victim something like “oh hey there! How random is it meeting up on the train like this. It’s been what, a few years? Do you want to catch up? Let’s go chat.” The person should pick up on what’s happening and get up to join you. Then proceed to the opposite end of the creeper. Get off at the next stop and change cars and report it to metro mpd. I’ve had to do this twice and was thank profusely each time.

Yes, extremely flat affect works as well. Also recommend pretending you don't understand English.

This is the right answer. Honestly I'm 30 and I'd roll with it.

[removed]

I’m a middle aged man and still wear headphones and sit in the front car just to avoid (or at least reduce) weirdos. It pisses me off to think that women have to deal with a whole other level of harassment. Carrying a whistle or some other kind of noise maker around your neck is probably also a good idea.

[removed]

Dude, in my experience men try to “mind their own business” when this goes down. I’ve only been helped out by fellow women in these scenarios. I’ve point blank ASKED men to help me out in these types of situations and had them walk away. Sure, not all men, but enough men behave this way to give men a bad reputation.

I love it when women share their lived experiences and ppl like you come to tell us we’re wrong.

i'm a man in my 30s and i try to sit closer to the weirdos so i can expand my experience of the great human tapestry of which we are all a part

as a large middle aged man your advice here will inevitably be seen as condescending and unnecessary -- if you hadn't outed yourself as a large creature with a penis everyone would have agreed with you

[removed]

I also agree on the earbuds. I got a pair of noise cancelling headphones that also have a hear-through mode that makes sounds around you slightly clearer. It’s a bit more overwhelming for the sound, but worth it to appear like you can’t hear them while being completely aware

When a creep starts creeping on you, be the bigger creep. Get weird and loud. Talk about bowel movements and menstruation - or just jabber like a schizophrenic.

A friend of mine back in Philadelphia, who used to go walking around town at 2am, put it best: "Nobody mugs Dracula!"

[removed]

There are seats near the doors that dont have seats in front of them so its easy to get up and go. Remind her she can always get off at a stop to change cars. And get her a defensive key chain if she can have something like that at school.

Not really sure how this is relevant to the discussion at hand (ways for women to stay safe and get help on public transit).

Good luck with…everything. I think you have some, uh, personal stuff to work on.

real talk bro, you might not wanna call them hoes as part of your argument defending men

I agree with seeking out middle aged women, sitting in the aisle, ignoring, speaking up loudly, when needed, etc. Always employ those strategies first.

That said, a lot of people (guys, younger women) just don’t want to involve themselves and I’ve found a few phrases to deflect/be helpful - only after all other strategies have failed.

If complementing your smile/eyes: “thank you that’s so sweet, sir (use the most formal polite address you can - you want them to live up to it) that made my day, sir. My mom also loves it”.

Guys who do this want to see if you’ll engage with what they think is an above board complement - flatter their ego by responding, by using Sir they get that you are not going to engage and by bringing your mother into it you are signaling that there is zero chance this approach will work. If you don’t engage they get mad because they tried what they thought was a respectful approach.

If complementing another body part or saying something sexual in English: do not engage. RBF and fight your way out if needed. No exceptions.

If saying something sexual in another language with their friends around: learn how to say “do you speak to your mother/sister/daughter with that same mouth” in a variety of languages and then shake your head. Get up and change seats to get further away - leave as soon as safe. When I lived in Italy this was definitely incredibly effective.

don’t let your kid on metro or the bus alone. i’m a grown man and get weirded out by the people (men and women) on public transit. i see kids all the time on metro that just look confused and scared

as a man I think her best option is to pretend to be really sick: cough, sneeze, put a box of tissues on the seat next to her, etc

this will dissuade many creeps, but possibly not the well-vaccinated ones, or the ones who are indifferent to most diseases. for these types, she can take out her phone and start talking loudly about her flight back from africa to escape the recent ebola outbreak

[removed]

[removed]

[removed]

you say you don't give a fuck, but it clearly bothers you

personally i'd recommend taking it all in stride, and understand that the shit people say on reddit has very little contact with real life. everyone on reddit is trying to show off that one gender studies class they took 7 years ago, but people in real life are just trying to get by

[removed]

you're not doing a good job challenging anything, you're just coming off as easily upset

[removed]

Find a basic self-defense course for women. Take it together and make it an event. Follow it up with a nice dress-up lunch. It will give her the skills she needs and you the reassurance that she can fend for herself.

This made me smile AND get a little teary. Thank you!!

Hugs. That saying about having a kid is like wearing your heart outside your body is true!!

it’s good she said a different stop than where she’s going, but a better street smart move is to say nothing. She doesn’t owe anyone any explanation about what she’s doing or where she’s going. might seem a little rude but i’ve been riding the metro since I was 14 and I think it’s safest to engage as little as possible.

another piece of advice: she should trust her gut. changing seats or cars because you have a bad feeling is absolutely ok, even if it turns out to be nothing. our instincts are good at warning us, and we should always be cautious and listen

Made the big mistake of sitting by the window once. Crusty man sits next to me despite the train being mostly empty and immediately starts touching himself. I jumped up and asked to get out and he wouldn’t budge, but thankfully literally everyone else in the train came to my rescue and pestered him to get out of the way. Learned my lesson

[removed]

Tell her to find the other women in the car and sit next to them. The car can be half empty, and I always sit next to another woman, or if I was first a woman usually sits next to me.

I always sit in a window seat and never considered the fact that it’s unsafe…thank you for sharing this!!! Aisle seats only from now on

Next time just get up and switch cars. Do the same when the groups playing music on a speaker, smoking weed and talking loud get on. Just move away. Carry pepper spray too.

There's a lot of fathers/men that wouldn't hesitate to help either. I think it sucks that this is a problem for women.

Im a guy and this happens all the time. Headphones dont deter everyone, they will even get more loud.

“No.” Is a complete sentence. And she doesn’t need to be nice or polite to strangers who are obviously being creepy or she’s just not interested in speaking to. These are things I wish I knew sooner. Also, if she’s uncomfortable or not being left alone, trying to identify another women she can approach and ask if she can sit near them until her stop. Usually we’re aware when other women are uncomfortable. I hope this doesn’t break her spirit or her confidence!

If this guy is a regular commuter people are normally set in their ways on their commute. Knowing this if they didn’t get on at the same station have her ride a different car, a little longer walk to the exit at her destination station is worth avoiding seeing someone like this every day.

You calling women you don’t know “ho€s” really gives me confidence that you’d step up to help a stranger feel safe from gender-based harassment. /s

You’re behaving like a creep. If you want fewer women to think that men are creeps, stop acting like one and perpetuating the stereotype. Because you’re actively harming the reputation of your gender when you say this crap.

Middle aged woman, or anyone with younger kids would be a good support. I second the ear buds in, but not playing anything. I would bring a magazine or book and not make eye contact with anyone, and when they go above and beyond to get my attention I give them the bitchiest death glare I can. Don’t be helpful, be rude. Don’t be quiet, be loud. Body posture makes a world of difference. Shoulders up and back, sit and stand up straight and tall, and when you have to talk to someone make direct unflinching eye contact. Don’t ride in an empty car, sit by the conductor, and if it looks like you are going to be exiting into an empty station, you can always take the next stop and double back. Get pepper spray, bear spray, or even a loud foghorn.

This is a good idea not solely because it teaches physical skills, but also because most of these classes are good at helping people build confidence and feel more able to advocate for themselves, which is so valuable not just on transit, but for young people in general.

I’d worry that would cause some dummy to pull the emergency brake (even though there are clear signs saying not to) and then you’re trapped in the metro car with the creeper.

Yes, by all means, young women should remain cloistered until they’re old enough to get married and be chaperoned by a grown man like yourself /s

Maybe if you want people to think you care about women or aren’t a huge creep, consider a different username.

Your argument is that the DC metro was safer in the 1990s? Really??

Harmless weirdos are fun when I’m people watching. But weirdos that are aggressive or otherwise looking for trouble on Metro I’m generally not in the mood for after a long day at work.

[removed]

[removed]

I am a 40 year old woman with resting nice face. I am asked for random stuff from people all of the time (and always have been). I try always to actually be nice and definitely would be nice to a teenage girl who needs help!

This comment made me laugh. We’re talking about actions we can take to feel safe in public transport and your take away is that we think ‘all men are the devil’. That is hilarious to me!

I’m happily married, professionally successful, and have a heathy and loving friend group. However, when I take public transport, none of that matters.

I’ve had men who I don’t know yell that they want to fuck me and then scream bitch when I ignore them. I’ve had strange men smell my hair on the metro, touch my hair on the metro, try to get me to go on dates, ask me if I’ve ever fucked a black guy, and had one dude punch the window in front of me after I ignored his requests to fuck. Alllll I’m trying to do is go to work or come home from work and all of that happens.

No one helped me- not once. So I’ve developed a system to reduce the likelihood of unwanted attention. If that system hurts your feelings, it seems like a ‘you’ problem. Personally, I feel great!

>Maybe if you want people to think you care about women or aren’t a huge creep, consider a different username.

Lmao "care about women" yah I'm fine without people thinking that about me. I care about people in my life.

Not about reddit pats on the back and I'll gladly take the laughs and smiles this user names provides normal people to crotchety miserable people "accepting" me.

Yah add unknown variables to this girls border line self defense scenario going to work great ain't my kid.

c'mon, dude, live a little

Sunglasses , headphones ( nothing playing- it’s just for show), sneakers , wear a mask , have location on phone , and something she can carry as a weapon in her pocket if necessary

Also , do not carry heavy back pack , or big purse. Be as minimal as possible .

Finally - ‘give her permission’ to make a scene if someone is making her uncomfortable, to get up and move , to not engage with strangers, and ignore people. If she’s anything like me ( and many other women) it’s been ingrained in our minds to always be polite, always smile back at people, it’s rude to say no, always make space for people etc ). Giving her permission to throw that out the window for her own protection and safety could save her life .

This dude is 100% the guy that harassed OPs daughter

Just came here to say: I love that you have framed this post as requesting encouragement for your teen -- although it is deeply infuriating that she has to deal with this, riding Metro on her own at 16 is awesome.

Just get up and move. Period.

Get on another car or take an empty seat at the other end of a car. Great job having proactive conversations with your awesome kiddo!

Carry a knife

Mom - you not only got great advice for your daughter; you did a public service for all women traveling metro. I never thought about being trapped sitting near a window; now I will definitely reconsider where I sit.

Best advice I can give your daughter is that she has no obligation EVER to be nice. She needs to do whatever is necessary to be safe. And that includes refusing to engage in conversation with someone, walking away, calling the police, or shouting for help.

I am so sorry this happened to her. I am so awed by your approach.

[removed]

Nah, he's just proving that he truly is an incel. Let him do his thing. He's having fun waving that flag around and everyone else knows that he's not worth our time.

Just fyi, she can text MyMTPD if she's being harassed.

> You can send a text message to Metro Transit Police at 696873 (MyMTPD).

Small Asian girl in her mid-20s! Echoing everyone’s comments about doing your best to sit near another woman. I know that my friends and I would be more than happy to play along and help a younger girl with “oh hey! How’s it going? I haven’t seen you since thanksgiving!”

I’m going to disagree with some commenters and agree with others: I do not engage with creeps, persistent panhandlers, and/or other people who scare me. I don’t want to show them that I’m feeling uncomfortable and I don’t want to encourage any more interaction inadvertently. I usually just stare dead ahead.

I’m so sorry she’s already had to experience this. Please tell her that she’s not alone

IANAMAW, but I would back up the apparent middle-aged woman militia.

She’s Birdie–The Original Personal Safety Alarm for Women by Women–130dB Siren, Strobe Light and Key Chain in 5 Pop Colors https://a.co/d/b2PH2md

Good luck using pepper spray in a confined space.