Submitted by RibaldPancake t3_z5622t in Jokes
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I asked the zookeeper whether they ever fight. He said, "Rarely."
I asked what happens when they do.
"We get another sheep."
Submitted by RibaldPancake t3_z5622t in Jokes
​
I asked the zookeeper whether they ever fight. He said, "Rarely."
I asked what happens when they do.
"We get another sheep."
I was disappointed during another trip to that same zoo. I went to the apiary and there were no apes, just a bunch of bees.
Don't go to the herpetology building. Ain't a hooker one in there.
I went to a zoo one time and every enclosure was empty except one cage with a dog in it.
It was a shih tzu.
Actually visualizing this experience is borderline traumatic, for the dog and the viewer
Our zoo is in such a bad part of town the cages are to keep the animals safe from the neighborhood.
The Cincinnati Zoo is legit in a horrible Neighborhood, When Harambe was killed we assumed it was gang activity.
And, for some reason, I always take the wrong road to get up there from I75 so I get to drive around that neighborhood trying to figure how to get out alive.
I first met my wife when she was working at the zoo. As soon as I saw her I knew that she was a keeper
wait... what side of the bars was she on?
The right side
Sometimes I forget why I have reddit, then I find comments like this thus keeping it alive 😌😏
I went to a zoo the other day. The only animal they had was a dog in a cage. It was a Shih Tzu
Huh. Beat me by 5 hours. Whatever, I'm leaving it. Good joke.
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Damn I feel dumb. Can you explain it?
Shit Zoo.
Bah, hahaha! Yep, nailed it.
Username checks out
Damn right it shitz me.
Traumatic experience
INAFF
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A student, struggling to find a job, tries to apply to a zoo as a security guard or a cleaner. The director says: “Those positions are already staffed, but if you really need money - one of our most popular animals is the monkey, but it died yesterday, so if you’re in, we’ll provide you a monkey suit and you’ll pretend to be a monkey, no one will notice the difference! We’ll pay you more than a guard or a cleaner!”
The student, of course, agrees. The next day they give him the monkey suit and he replaces the monkey. All is going well - he’s jumping around, eating bananas, making gestures to the visitors, until suddenly, during a trick jump done wrong, he falls into an adjacent lion enclosure.
He sees a lion coming towards him and says “shit, is this really how I die?”
The lion approaches him and says “Oh ‘sup bro, what’s your major?”
I heard this joke a bit differently. When the guy in the monkey suit falls into the lion enclosure, he starts screaming for help. The lion then says "Shut up! You'll blow our cover!"
In version I heard, he's security and freak out because one of the lion just suddenly dead, so he skinned that lion, wear the skin and act like one, but when a lion come close to him, he started to get freak out , the lion come close and speak to him in very low voice "calm down, it's me, accountant. Do you have tobacco ? The gorilla said he want to smoke so badly". Sorry if I bother you
That one's good, too.
That works too but the main comment sounds more meme-ish tbh
Lion and a Canada Goose where I’m from.
And they get another lion.
If you got a problem with Canada gooses you got a problem with me! I suggest you let that one marinate.
good bot?
No, just a fan of Canada gooses (and Letterkenny).
Same. I always loved them.
There's a special place in heaven for animal lovers. That's what I always say.
And there's a special place in hell for the Canadian goose LOL
I do not like the cobra chicken.
Canada goose, unless it was hatched in Canada of course
So does Capt. "Sully" Sullenberger...
...He knows nobody'd have even heard of him, if not for them!
Especially, marinated
Letterkenny?
The best show to come out of Canada since SCTV.
Laughs in SG:1
SG1 is American...
Sure most scenes were recorded up there, but the production is American... Sorry...
His comment doesn’t say Canadian show, it says to come out of Canada. Technically SG1 came out of Canada.
Oh, i think i am too irish. I thought about Letterkenny in Co. Donegal. I will check the show out. What is it about?
I LOVE SCTV! I watched it a lot! Now I want to see if I can find it somewhere. Even if on YouTube.
As a fellow goose admirer I sympathize. Life changes once you have held a goose in your arms. When you hold a goose you must then uphold their image.
For real tho. My childhood was spent learning to respect the demon birds. My daughter always wants to feed them at the park. She has not endured the terror I had to. I just hope this shakey alliance we have forged lasts for her lifetime.
These do not respect alliances they will break the alliance at the first chance they get because they're assholes
Geese are highly aggressive/territorial, and highly delicious when marinated and grilled.
Definitely hellspawn though. They have teeth on their tongue.
We call them land carp! Just like the invassive grass carp that clog our major rivers near by, they come in at times in the dozens. Leave behind crap covered roads and side walks not fit to walk on.
A goose stole my flapjack when I was very small. Not sure I’ve ever forgiven them
I worked at the municipal shit plant around dozens of geese. Had one of my too fat and short coworkers almost got killed by one. He was so out of shape when one chased him that he had a panic attack and went into heart failure!
My brother is a grown man, young and fit, a very in-shape cyclist. On his ride to work along the bike path one day a goose launches itself at him, knocks him off his bike and starts biting him and beating him with its wings. Dude was seriously beaten up by a goose, he is now terrified of them thinking they could peck his eyes out or something. I now worry about him riding too close to the canal for fear they'd knock him in and drown him.
Canada stores all it's hate in geese
Where are you from?
Edit: /s
With my name, avatar and even the bird referenced here… I’ll give you three guesses.
Those geese are savage!
The joke would have to change to "we get a new lion" though in this case.
Yes. That’s what my comment says.
True story: I once went to the zoo with my little seven-year-old cousin and her family. She was a very quiet, introverted kid, and my uncle said she watched a lot of nature shows, so she had kind of a blasé attitude toward most of the animals. Then we came to the okapi, and she was fascinated. She stared and stared at that thing. Finally I asked her what she thought was so interesting about it. She looked at me and said, in tones of extreme gravity, "It's half zebra and half itself."
A profound observation!
now that's funny
Recursive okapi!
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That poor lion has spent a lot of sheepless nights.
That was baaahd
At least the zookeeper didn’t try to pull the wool over his eyes
He did bleat around the bush a bit, though.
No need to ram it home.
I see what ewe did there.
Okay, that was a good one. You can take some pride in it.
Chimpanzees are crazy strong and make terrible pets. You should never take one home. At least, that's what they said on my last day as zookeeper.
i saw a shaved ape on the internet not too long ago and i'll tell you that 10 schwarzeneggers would be needed to overcome it...maybe!
A zoo joke I had never heard before:
A man built a zoo..
He made the entrance fee $60 but no one enters his zoo.. He reduced it to $40 but still no one came.He made $10 for the entrance but no one still enters..
What the man did, because no one was coming in even though the entrance fee was very low, he just made it FREE.
As a result, many people entered the zoo and it was filled with people. More than 4000 people came in.
He then quietly locked the zoo gate, freed the crocodiles, lions and tigers and then made an exit fee of $100.Everyone paid immediately just to get out!
Why I got out of veterinary work.
Did my first internship at the Buffalo zoo, for two weeks straight all we did was circumcise elephants. The pay was horrible, but the tips were HUGE!
lol
I saw a cheetah that lived in a cage with a golden retriever friend at a NJ zoo. Forgot all the details, but something like they couldn't find an appropriate playmate of the same species, but the dog worked out just fine.
Its not unusually to pair cheetah cubs with labs. Has something to do with personalities and energy
This is fairly common. They do very well together.
Cheetahs are naturally incredibly anxious and high strung, in captive and wild environments. In facilities that utilize these types of social bonding, such as the Columbus Zoo in Ohio, they raise the cheetahs as cubs and goldens as pups together so they grow together. Cheetahs form close-knit social groups in the wild and benefit from these relationships in captivity. The mellow personalities of the dogs chill out the cheetahs and they form very strong bonds. Some facilities have the dogs live with the cats 100% of the time, others have the dogs present when the zoos are open and active. It’s a very interesting way to mix domestic and wild, and to see how animals can help animals.
Let me guess, when he said "Rarely" he used air-quotes.
Of course it's rare. Lions can't cook.
At the time I thought he was just stretching his fingers, but in hindsight…
I found a zoo online and loaded up the whole family to take a day trip there.
When we arrived it was quite disappointing to learn the only animal in the whole place was a dog.
It was a Shih Tzu.
I also found a zoo online once. I knew my family would love to see it, so I got everyone together, and made sure they could all see the screen from where they were sitting.
What happens if they do?
Nothing, the Lion sleeps outside the cave!
Or on the couch…
Or in the jungle, the mighty jungle.
(Have an earworm)
I would hunt you down in my dreams for this, but luckily for you with “aweem away” stuck in my brain there will be no sleep for RibaldPancake tonight…
I once went to a zoo that had only one animal, a small dog...
It was a Shih Tzu
The Lion and the Lamb exhibit is Moscow State Zoo’s biggest attraction apparently…
It's a game we call "Feeding with friends"
At our zoo we get another lion...
With the opening line of this joke, I thought for sure Jesus was going to make an appearance. Didn't happen. Now I know what it's like to be Christian.
instant classic!
Awww man why you gotta go there?
sometimes the simple ones, lol
Awesome
I just realized the plural of sheep is sheep
r/ESL
I can imagine some hillbilly zoo doing this.
About 30 years ago, my family & I spent Easter Sunday in the park having a picnic next to the lake. For some reason a white goose came up to me and immediately befriended me. It followed me wherever I walked and enjoyed me hugging it. Some kids were enthralled and wanted to pet it. Immediately it began chasing them & spreading its wings. I’ll always be thankful this creature left me with a forever memory.
I went to zoo once, the entire zoo was just this one dog. It was a shitzu
This so stupid. I love it.
funny
Waiting for the bible referencing
Now kilts are worn around sheep they were Starting to get zipper shock....
That's the same strategy deshaun Watson used to go through 30 massage therapists in a couple years.
every 12hrs?
My grandfather was a brave man. He had the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Cincinnati zoo.
I went to a zoo the other day. The only animal they had was a dog in a cage. It was a Shih Tzu
I guess I read this somewhere before
Cool
I visited the egress.
hahahah too good
He devoured the kill?!
wtf
The lion is lonely and wanted to spend time with a homie
What happens if they stop feeding the lion?
They get another sheep
Is this an allegory for high school relationships?
This is … ahhahah
That's good
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Hloeeå
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The sheep was sleeping in the food trough
A man and his wife are walking past the sliver back gorillas cage in zoo. When the gorilla beats his chest. The man tells his wife "he likes you" She rolls her eyes He insists "Blow him a kiss" The wife to shut up her husband blowes a kiss the gorilla beats his chest. The wife shocked carries on doing sex poses at the gorilla, who goes ape beating his chest and shaking the bars and going ooohh. Suddenly the wife feels herself pushed forward from behind, also to her horror. She finds herself falling into the gorillas cage from the open door. Landing on the cage floor she sees her husband slamming the cage door shut. The couple makes eye contact. "Now my dear help him you have a headache"
What?
I think it’s meant to read more like:
“Now my dear try telling him you have a headache.”
I think he effed up the punchline. It should have been " now tell him you have a headache.
tell him? just wondering
Jungle Love! It's making Me Mad! It's Making Me Crazy!
Wouldn't this joke make more sense if it was "get another lion?" How is a lion mauling a sheep a joke?
The joke is that they're (supposedly) living together peacefully.
So the joke is that the title is incorrect?
I prefer to think of it as “deliberately misleading”. The latest theories of why we laugh at jokes says “that humor results when a person simultaneously recognizes both that a norm has been breached and that the breach is benign”. Thus, a deception of some sort is required for a joke to be funny.
Doubtful that the sheep community considers this joke benign.
I asked a spokessheep about this and it just smiled sheepishly at me.
I was afraid ewe would try to ram something like that home
Yes, the shear audacity of such a comment!
I'm gonna feel fleeced if this kind of behavior isn't shed real quick.
I’ll try to keep up with ewe unless my beau peeps in.
I'm glad you herd what I had to say.
I consider this jok benign and I like sheeo. I don't think actual sheep have an opinion though :)
Kinda bland and predictable
Make_the_music_stop t1_ixuel0n wrote
I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage. The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.