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So god damn true. Learned this pro tip the hard way.

Sometimes it seems like it is their only job😂

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If you don't want it publicly revealed, never tell anyone.

Two people can keep a secret, if one is dead

Yes and yes. There are no friends when it comes to secrets you don't want known.

And if you're going to talk about someone behind their back imagine them standing right in front of you

Also, if someone in your office tells you something just keep it to yourself.

Story time…?

I wish I'd known that before I'd told old Mrs. Horngus about my crapping problem. Now the whole office calls me "Jimmy Sharter."

Working exclusively with co worker on tons of projects. We got to know each other well. During lunch I dropped my guard, we shared a few personal items.

Later found out we run in similar friends groups, I was unaware until my phone popped off with tons of texts from a certain person in this group. Was not a great convo…it became a game of telephone booth with multiple people sharing a worse and worse version of the comment (which was exclusively about me).

Lesson learned. I keep everyone at arms length. No questions.

Feel free to troll.

Another reason why not to date co-workers as well

Never speak to anyone at work. Grunt and growl if someone tries to speak to you.

Name and comment check out if you’re the butt fun receiver I guess.

That never made sense to me, the RIGHT one has to be dead.

The second someone dies every secret they ever had starts getting out and around cause there isn't any consequence now.

What do you mean? I am about to do that

This but unironically.

Only date a coworker if you’re sure you can handle the repercussions if you break things off. Mixing emotions in a professional environment is not always a safe idea.

I have a really hard time comprehending how people can spend so much time and energy socializing with co-workers they secretly despise, while acting super friendly towards one another, and then bitching about said co-workers around their back the first chance they get.

I have co-workers who literally the only thing they do all day is complain. The place of works sucks, the boss it terrible, all the co-workers except us here in this room are bums, etc.

"I really need to buy new slacks; these ones are too restrictive for my magnum dong."

There's an expression, don't dip your pen in company ink.

If it's a big company with multiple divisions/offices it's not that big of a deal. But if you will be dating someone from the same division as you, that's gonna be really problematic.

I shoved a whole bag of jellybeans up mah ass

It depends on the coworker, I has coworkers that I would trust with my deepest secrets.

This is just a basic life tip, not a pro tip.

Did you confront the coworker?

Yes. It was a candid, uncomfortable and necessary. We still work very well together but I consider this a learning experience.

This is the real lesson; if you want everyone at work to hear something, make it juicy and tell it to a gossip. Everyone will know within the week. Use it to your advantage.

Can you give an example

Phew thought you were gonna say penis.

How are coworkers suppose to know they're not suppose to share what you told them

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And just know the ones that ask you to keep their secrets are the first one to tell yours

Yep. I told my coworker I'm getting divorced...

Next thing I know, I've told everyone else, too!

But facing the other direction.

That's why I never say shit at work, coworkers I don't like? Haven't said anything. Drama I was told? Not a chance I'm saying a damn thing. My coworker dipping early? Not my problem. Someone acting sus? Not my problem. I'm there to do a job and once my time is up I'm done and I leave, I'll play nice and make 'friends' but by no means do I trust anyone in that place

Coworkers are not your friend, they are fellow hostages.

Damn right

How did you confront them?

Uh oh, I'm married to my coworker.

A gentle text saying we need to talk, then a phone call solving the issue with a caveat we need to insure this doesn’t disrupt our work environment.

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Hello there President Johnson.

Walk around looking annoyed so they think you're busy.

People WILL repeat it especially if it is strategically advantageous FOR THEM.

Absolutely. Unless you want to test the waters with someone. Offer them a little tidbit and see where it pops up.

Same with friends and family members. Trust no one.

100% accurate, it's best to keep things professional at work, you can't trust anyone.

Yep I do this in a new workplace. Controlled releases of harmless information to see where it goes.

I have a huge pecker and I'm great at sex.

Don't dip your your pen in company penis.

Had this playing in my head all day!!!!

I tell coworkers different gossip to see who I can trust.

Yeah that's what I'm doing where I am, I told one person about my insomnia, I go back in Wednesday let's see how well that goes

They’re creating their own reality show because they’re bored and their lives suck. Not everywhere is like this

In reverse, if you want something known then tell them "in confidence" and it will be spread.

"Don't share but I just turned down a big opportunity because I love this team."

How did you make it so it wasn’t attacking kind or that you came across as bigger person?

It's a dog eat dog world in a lot of places. People can be savages

Just brought up what happened. What I told them was getting back to me, but with incorrect additions. Told them what I heard was from our mutual friend who they told earlier that day.

Asked if we could keep the conversation information private, get a clean slate and move past this and continue our fantastic work relationship.

Nothing accusatory, just facts. Receipts ready if needed. Thankfully we were on the same page.

Picture all of your coworkers as microphones. Tell them nothing that can be used against you because there's always someone who will pass along and embellish things you say.

Got a secret, can you keep it, swear this one you'll save? Gotta lock it, in your pocket, taking this one to the grave~

"You don't shit where you eat." If you split and it's not amicable, prepare for your job to suck bad now.

I was the only male in an all-female department. The amount of whispering going on all day long sounded like steam escaping.

And, yes, they were all a bunch of backstabbing phoneys.

Anything you say will be used against you.

That’s great. What’s receipts ready?

If you decide to date a coworker, you have to also decide that the potential relationship is more important to you than your job. It's do-able, but much more likely to lead to drama than most new relationships. If things go wrong, one or both of you may need to leave. It's a bigger deal if you have a long-term career with the company, less so if it's a casual job and you won't have trouble finding other work if necessary.

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Texts that were getting back to Me from the mutual party.

Hissing is another great deterrent to conversation.

Another saying….don’t get your bread and meat in the same place.

Absolutely! This is so important, and same with HR - only tell them things if you absolutely have to, they are there to protect the corporation, not help you.

Stop telling people your business. Some people talk to you so they can talk about you. - Nipsey Hussle

But...if you want the boss to know something but don't want to be associated with it (or risk being the messenger that got killed), tell the boss's tush-kisser. I was told early on by friends in the departmen5t to be very careful what I said to Laurie or within her hearing.

"But... if you want Sue [2nd in command] to know something, tell it to Laurie. It will get to Dick [department head] before 5."

Laurie would relay it to Sue, who loved gossip of any kind, as a dung beetle loves dung. We knew by the next morning Big Dick (as he called himself) would have a plan in place that made him look like gold.. These were the 80s. No email, no cell phones, not even beepers. Just Laurie.

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I tested a co-worker once - I told them that when I have vacation time I like to sit in the park and paint. Not something I have done and never told anyone else. A few weeks later my director mentioned something about how I could not rely on sitting in the park and painting as an occupation. Lesson learned.

I use my coworkers as carrier pigeons to take my suggestions and comments to management because I know they can't keep a secret. It's kind of fun to say a thing here and watch it come out of someone else's mouth over there.

I use to have a coworker who always thought she was slick hiding behind the corner listening to conversations and then running right to the supervisor and telling them what she heard. She never figured out that she heard exactly what I wanted her and the supervisor to hear. We played this game for years.

Sexist PIG!!! Women are amazing.

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LPT Co-workers are not your friends.

> Women are amazing.

And you know this…how?

Thank you, I’m glad to see there are others like us out there. I now have a strict rule of no phatic communication and no eye contact while on the clock. Initially it began out of a bit of awkwardness on my part, but after sitting to one side (for the better part of a decade) and listening to some of the absolute dross these phillistinian pigs come out with, I am in actuality glad that I maintain my self-imposed isolation. It’s always refreshing to see people do exist like me out in this crazy, funny thing we call “Earth”.

Take care brother… and remember, never change… for ANYONE.

Also try complimenting people behind their back. They’ll know.

Mostly it’s when people I already don’t like come up to me and I don’t want to get written up for being rude and “creating a hostile work environment” for ignoring them.

So I’m SOL when it comes to who I socialize with

What the hell

I made a blanket rule not to friend anyone I work with on Facebook even people are good friends who I hang out with outside of the office. While I trust them, I don't want to risk the trickle down of someone at work I don't like seeing something stupid I post.

you should have told your director that whomever told them that is not to be trusted as you told them in secrecy

His boss seems like an asshole so fuck him

No, tell them all slightly different fake personal details and see which one becomes most popular. Keep em busy.

Giggity... I guess.

Can confirm. I was telling a particular office colleague about how I learnt various music instruments during my childhood. That same week, my Director asked if I could be arrowed/relied on to volunteer to perform for a music event. Like wtf.

That’s the last fucking time I’m telling that colleague anything like that.

This can also be used to your advantage/desire

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Do you really think that some random fact like that is supposed to be "a secret"? If you told me that you like to paint in the park I wouldn't think it's some kind of a big secret.

Jokes on them i cant shut the hell up and tell everyone everything anyways

Like the one who would often say "Just between you and me...", it would be bewtween her and everyone.

This. And you know there are people you trust very strongly with secrets, but you never know under what circumstances they might reveal it to someone else.

I learned from a very young age to keep information to myself because my mother is incapable of keeping secrets to the point of defiance. Nothing I or my siblings told her was kept secret, we all knew about each others' business in short order. She has always insisted this is a good thing and secrets are bad (and yes, she has no secrets either...), but I know now in hindsight why this was an awful policy.

So some of us learned to never say anything.

Yes, this is good, and I practice this. I tend to be more honest and open about everything and I would want people to know more, not less. Other people are usually the ones who tell me that I shouldn't tell certain things to other people.

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Jamie, pull up that post about what you should do when you win the Lottery

No one is a friend you met at a work place. Ever!

Found this to be true as well.

It's a good way to disseminate information that can't be made official, though. Gossip will spread faster than memos. Sadly, it's prone to alterations depending on the tellers narrative. Plus, people make up stuff all the time. There's a general "group think" that's hard to manage, and secrets just get broken by some deductive reasoning PLUS the unreliable narrative. So you could be close lipped and just get shit found out because now you're a puzzle they want to solve and then spin for their own agendas.

One of my friends is a woman who is socially awkward. She is kind, and wants to do a good job. But frequently gets fucked over by catty office workers. Often by pretending to be her friend and then just using her (to get secrets, for example) until she's all spent up, and then she becomes the scapegoat until she quits. It's weird because I have worked with her and I know she's amazingly talented with a modicum of support, but women just fuck her over again and again, because being a mildly autistic woman just irritates the fuck out of neurotypical women.

Counter life pro tip: use this as a weapon.

Don’t shit where you eat, if the relationship goes sour can you keep working in a serene environment?

A secret is only Secret if NO ONE else knows!

Idk if I am too European for this corperate American "don't trust anyone" but in all the years that I am working now (like 18) I have not once worked at a store where people were not legit friends, liked each other and hung out with another

Just getting burned because of this. This person was nice to me and I opened up a little to them. Well, I went to vague book to vague and even though I thought I could trust this person they still tried to take it to management. I didn’t peg that coworker to be a snitch like that, but that’s what I get for thinking it was safe to vent about a coworker we BOTH are tried of babysitting. I didn’t call anyone any rude names just talked about me feelings of frustration. My work is pretty messy so when coworker one was snitching on me, coworker 2 came running to me snitching on coworker one…

Edit: I just wanna also say I didn’t dox any of my coworker’s info or say where I worked in the post.

You need better friends

Or the entire world - poor Monica Lewinsky needed this advice before confiding in Linda Tripp about her relationship with President Bill Clinton

"Can i tell you a secret bob? Sometimes its really difficult living with a 12inch cock"

Should reframe as never say bad shit. It’s great to praise people at work and in life generally

3 can keep a secret if 2 are dead

The lessons being their coworker blabs any personal info on their coworkers to boss and the boss, apparently, weaponizes this info.

Harmless usually means no juicy. No juicy gossips aren't going anywhere, noone wants to talk about them. You have to offer them some real bait to see what happens.

There's a saying in Spain about the same: don't put you penis in the place where you have your pot.

But that guy who's been here for 10 years and never been promoted is sleeping with that new girl she's totally sleeping her way to the bottom I can't even imagine why anyone would do that if they weren't both on drugs (they are both on drugs)

I slept with a coworker my first week on the job. I told the guy I worked alongside. The next day, every employee knew. In my defense, I didn't know she was married.

Tbh I wish I played real life like I do with RPGs with variable endings based on your decisions and conversations with npcs

Don’t form relationships with other co workers because they are all out to get you and screw you over.

I learned very quickly to not tell mine anything, buncha loud mouth horse thieves.

Always watch what you say at work and also beware of other employees who potentially may not like you and be causing issues for you behind the scenes. Happened to me at end of my career. I was way too naive. Don't let it happen to you. Best not to have work friends or if you do be very selective.

Bah just do it if you want to, ignore all the naysayers. There aren't really any rules to this and none of these people know your situation.

Also most people in this thread can barely even comprehend speaking to a coworker, let alone dating and banging one

Yeah, I casually mentioned I was thinking about moving to a coworker and it somehow got to my boss who thought it was great because they were planning to "reorganize" a couple month later so I pretty much set myself up to be fired...

That's quite a presumptive statement. Was I speaking from personal experience? There's no way for you to know!

For example that you're packing nine inches all the time and your pants are always uncomfortable.

Give it one business day and everyone gives you bizarre looks at your waist level.

Maybe take the dildo out ?

Never tell my mother anything you don't want her brother and sisters to know. She might not share your medical history, but she probably will.

(I don't care that she does. If you do care about people knowing your diagnosis, don't tell her)

>Drama I was told? Not a chance I'm saying a damn thing.

I fucking love my workplace drama. I work at a bar, so it's all alcohol/party fueled shit like "Jane got drunk and fucked Alice's boyfriend", "Bob had to kick Peter out for having sex in the bathrooms again", "Sarah's new boyfriend is the DILF regular" just absolute high-school level shenanigans between 20-40 year olds. It's like my own personal TV drama. But, I never stir the pot. I've never told anyone anything else I've heard. I'm also married and don't drink, so I've never been involved in any of it either. As a result, everyone trusts me with their drama, and I get even more of it. It's great, and I highly recommend keeping your mouth shut when it comes to workplace drama.

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They are not your friends lol. Beat this into your head unless you want to learn the hard way

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Oh no, people talk to each other!

Actually, the right thing to do is to tell a coworker a carefully-crafted lie, and then make them promise to never tell anyone.

Once it gets out and around the office, you will know for certain that they can't be trusted, and you can tell them that when they ask for personal information in the future.

Not true. I told someone at work where my parents moved from and heard it from someone else three hours later. They don’t care. It will spread.

I married a co-worker over 35 years ago.

I'm single and ready to mingle

I'm not saying this is in all industries, but if you are a dude in a mainly lady work environment, there are potentially many group chats that will occasionally mention you. If one day you notice nearly everyone being avoidant, that might have something to do with it.

Just show up, keep your head down, and do the job.

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Mannn I feel this! I am the only dude outta 20 person department! To add to this comment , you will also hear way to much info about their husbands and also alot about they way woman and men’s views are different in a lot of ways then we realize!

Been in mainly lady dominated fields all of my life. The amount of times I was sexually harassed with a gaggle of laughs from the crowd is annoying. But that is besides the point. I am glad I got a glimpse of it though, because now I know what to expect and hope for out of a relationship.

I shit at home and I eat at home. Do other people not do that??

When will people learn that you don't make friends at work. That's only a place where you make money. It isn't a place to make friends. Too many people have thought they had friends at work, only to find out, their so called friends, are the ones taking behind their back.

Friends? I think you mean liabilities.

Same. I quite like my coworkers. I've only had one boss who you had to be careful about what you told her, but that was one person. And that was many years ago. But maybe I'm just lucky.

I’ll have to remember that at my next job lol. Currently I am fucked if someone decides they don’t like me anymore

My life would have gone a lot better if i had Skyrim-options of communication. I realize naturally I would antagonize. But in the game, friendliness was the obvious choice.

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Yeah, not saying it can't workout but when it doesn't, it can get really ugly

This right here.

Workplaces always talk about being families. And it's an easy con to fall into since you spend so much of your waking hours at work.

The truth is, most people work at at-will jobs. At your company's will, they will terminate you without two weeks notice.

When given an option to choose you or themselves, your coworkers will always choose themselves to win even if that requires throwing you under the bus.

Never tell anyone your next move. Move in silence. Let people be amazed with your results and achievements.

Also, for the love of god, do not friend coworkers on social media. Whatever they see you post (and previously post) will be used against you, if it gains an advantage for them.

Agreed

Never trust anyone…

Oops, I’ve said to much.

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That’s how they do it in Final Fantasy 7 remake

I let slip that I put 75% of every paycheck into savings so that I can quit my job whenever I see fit. (Zero debt, no kids, no bills except the basics). When I first started I also told them that the reason I left my last job was because they treated me like garbage, and I decided to never work a shitty job again, and I'd quit at the drop of a hat if they started jerking me around...

This job still jerks me around, but they look REAL nervous when they do it. I'm not lying, I really do have several thousands of dollars, probably 5 months of living expenses, saved up, and I will quit so fast it'll make their butt cheeks clap.

Get DOWN, Mr. President!

This isn’t something I would think of as a big secret. Should I be talking about you when you’re not there? No. However, what if I mentioned it in context, such as, “You like to paint? I heard so-and-so likes to paint, you should see if they want to discuss.” No harmful intent whatsoever. Doesn’t that change the situation slightly?

Your director’s comment is just weird. Why should they care what you do on your vacation time?

Don't sh*t where you eat is another

Can confirm. I work with only one other guy. Told him something about my coworker and it seems like he found out instantly.

The point here, and of this whole post, being... watch what you say to others, especially people you work with.

Yeah with anything I'm told I don't say shit but some of it is real funny

To be honest . Most people at work call me a a-hole , damn right I ain’t here to talk to you I am here’s to make my money :D

I actually had a boss who used to spread rumors about himself to see how far and fast they would spread. It was pretty funny tbh. Probably because I got to be in on the secret.

Silence is golden. Besides, sharing secrets is very intimate.

Why I don’t tell my mom anything anymore lol took me a long time but I finally learned.

Yep. But it's worse: There's no guarantee the first one won't blab either. They both might have learned the secret together at the same time (say, they come across buried treasure). Two people can keep a secret if they're both dead.

I (male) work in a department that is predominantly female (less so now than it was when I was first hired). When I first started, one of the women there told me they were so glad that the manager was hiring more men, because most men don’t participate in the drama the way many women do, and it tones the whole thing down to make it less of a problem.

I just left a factory job, because my coworkers were too gossipy and backstabbing. I was the only female in my department. I often got blamed for “ratting” on my coworkers, even though I never complained about a single thing. One guy made up lies about me and triangulated a few of my other coworkers against me simply just because i wouldn’t flirt with him (he’s married and i wasn’t attracted to him). It’s definitely not just a female thing.

I learned that the hard way! I was loyal to her and she was slowly triangulating others against me.

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He was a jerk.