TIFU By Calling My Friend's Mom A Hoe

Submitted by Quinn_eth t3_xv7c49 in tifu

Yesterday at lunch, my friend and I, (I will call her Anna)were kind of joking around, we were in a good mood and it was all light-hearted. Then, without thinking, I said, "Your mom's a hoe". I was quite surprised I said that as it came out of my mouth so suddenly, and I am never that type of person unless I feel comfortable around someone.

Her reaction? Well, it wasn't that bad in person as she kinda laughed it off a bit, but she kinda looked awkward. I thought that things were fine, just a little slip-up joke that nobody understood.

At home, I was tending to my usual duties, when a received a text from Anna. She said that she was confused and she didn't know how to react--she also mentioned that it wasn't a nice thing to say. I was quite shocked that I received this text, and I did not even expect a negative response from her. Anna's use of internet slang is quite trendy, and she sounded like any other gen-z who goes on TikTok, so I thought that she would be familiar with the "your mom" jokes. I understand that from her perspective, it is my fault, but from my perspective, it's all misunderstanding.

This morning, she was in my English class, and our seats are placed right next to each other. I explained that the statement was not intentional, and that it was not supposed to be genuine. She gave a neutral response: Ok.

We stopped talking for the rest of the day and I am here racking my brain out because I don't know if she still want to be friends. I would give her time to think, but it's giving me a hard time and I can't focus on my schoolwork or have a good night's sleep.

I am in need of advice to mend our friendship.

TL;DR I made a "your mom" joke and my friend won't talk to me anymore. What do I do?

EDIT: Forgot to mention that I did apologize through text yesterday, however she left me on read.

EDIT: Today at lunch, she went up to me and explained that it wasn't that big of a deal and that she wants us to still be friends. Thank you for all the advice, I was planning on asking her straight up, but I decided to give her time which resulted in this.

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harleyspoison267 t1_iqziirh wrote

It's possible you inadvertently hit too close to home. My fiance and I have a pretty no holds barred style of comedy with each other, including stuff like his kids, my parents, etc. BUT his mom and him were very close and she passed away many years ago which has lead to him kind of idealizing her (she was an amazing woman by all accounts tho). He does NOT find your mom jokes funny. Even stuff I would consider innocuous like saying his mom has an old lady name (she does). This is a guy who frequently tells me with a serious face he wants to divorce me, as a joke, but I can't say a word about his mom. I could be petty and make a huge deal out of it, but the reality is, he loved her a lot, he still misses her, and it's just not funny, so I don't, as a courtesy. I completely understand making an innocent mistake. I frequently shove my feet in my mouth so I get it, but I think you owe your friend a genuine, well thought out, apology. Also understand that if this was triggering, she may need time to come to you on her own terms. That's her right. I hope it works out. I know how horrible it is to lose friends because of one stupid thing because people can't be willing to set aside and forgive.

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PixelateddPixie t1_iqzolea wrote

Just commenting to say that I really liked this comment and I completely agree. I tend to make pretty crude jokes with my friends quite often but as silly as it might sound, I really don't like any jokes that imply terrible things about or happening to my cats. It turns my mood defensive almost immediately because they are my entire life. To OP, I'll back up this comment by saying it does sound like you crossed a boundary involving your friend's mom. Give her time and she might be able to forgive the comment, but don't try to pressure her to accept your apology and just learn from this mistake moving forward in current or future friendships.

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amwcats t1_ir0vsy4 wrote

“My cats are my entire life” i roll my eyes every time I hear this

−20

Ocean_Spice t1_ir4bkry wrote

Some of us don’t have much to be happy about. Let us be happy about our cats, please.

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PixelateddPixie t1_ir506ki wrote

Yeah, I had to hold myself back from saying anything to this comment since it doesn't make any sense. It's no different from someone saying "Hiking is my entire life" or "My family is my entire life".

3

Phenotyx t1_ir0wdxn wrote

I’m really close to my mom and I’m fairly certain I’ll be the same way

I’m incredibly protective of her. With certain friends I know they do it just to get under my skin or whatever but for the most part I really don’t like people talking poorly about my mother.

10

harleyspoison267 t1_ir1a27q wrote

Yeah, i love my mom, but our relationship is complicated, so I can't relate personally. My fiance was adopted as a toddler, so I think he feels he owes his mom a lot for choosing him and advocating for him when he had a lot of behavioral issues as a kid. I can understand that.

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Phenotyx t1_ir1jnzd wrote

Ye I’m not adopted but my mom is legitimately the best human being I know or could imagine

I honestly would not be surprised if, in the afterlife, it was disclosed that she was Jesus or something like she’s what I strive to be as a human and I know I’ll never attain it.

I definitely put her on a pedestal but imo she deserves it

It’s fucked me for dating tho my standards in women are unrealistic. Not talking about looks at all.

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harleyspoison267 t1_ir1l7es wrote

You know, i just realized who this person is for me. My aunt/godmother. She is the sweetest woman with the patience of a saint, nursed both my grandparents (her in-laws) on their deathbeds in her own home even though they had five other children...She's definitely not perfect, but any time my mom criticizes her, i get really defensive because this woman has literally given everything she has to everyone without a second thought.

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elisew87 t1_ir26qj4 wrote

She sounds like a wonderful woman ❤️

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chasseur143 t1_iqzog70 wrote

I know exactly how he would feel with that. My mum passed away 4 years ago and I was close to my mum so it's kind of touchy for me (not that I get pissed off with people and say/do something to them, especially if they don't know about it) but it does hit that spot.

But it's good you know where to draw that line on that stuff and sounds like you guys are good together with being able to joke like that to each other - kind of hard to find nowadays I swear.

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farrenkm t1_ir0hbsc wrote

You two respect each other. As it should be.

Thank you for doing that. I hope you two have a long relationship together!

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harleyspoison267 t1_ir19kkr wrote

Thank you so much! We've only been together about six years, but we were long distance for most of the first half and that really forced us to grow as a couple.

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MaxiimusPrim3 t1_iqzp8ug wrote

Some people just don’t mess around concerning gardening tools.

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DisposableSaviour t1_ir0t3i3 wrote

One of our semi regular patients when I worked at a psych hospital typically went off his meds when with his dad (dad said he didn’t need the meds, just more Jesus and prayer). Anyway, long story short, one time dad got him to stop his meds, and in his ensuing paranoid delusional state killed his dad, with a gardening hoe. I remember saying, that’s why you don’t mess around with them hoes. Never have I made more people start busting out laughing while giving me death glares.

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AlreadyAway t1_ir00nwb wrote

An exclamation of "your mom is a hoe" isn't a your momma joke.

Example:

"your mom is a fat piece of shit"

-vs-

"your momma is so fat, that I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing"

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OrgyInTheBurnWard t1_ir0aqb8 wrote

It depends on the context. If the friend had just said something to the effect of, "My garden is full of weeds. Remind me that I need to stop at Lowe's to buy a hoe," then the "Your moms a hoe," would fit. Without any relevant context, however, it's just weird and uncalled for.

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jay_da_truth t1_ir0fdsu wrote

Both wrong all yo mama jokes must start with "yo" mama not "your" mama saying your mama is a fail in any condition also can be yo moms is add insult here not your moms is such and such

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OrgyInTheBurnWard t1_ir0fudr wrote

That's a bit old school. There's a newer version of your mom jokes where you flip someone's words around to make it about their mom. And when I say "newer", I mean like 1997.

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jay_da_truth t1_ir0hcle wrote

Yo mama jokes are not about being funny but how you deliver it it's more a burn than joke if the delivery is bad then it's failure and fyi MTV's yo momma came out in 06 so not sure what you mean by 97

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OrgyInTheBurnWard t1_ir0i9e3 wrote

Again, I'm not talking about the old school "yo momma" jokes that had a preplanned punchline. I'm talking about simple rebuttals that are more akin to a "that's what she said" type of joke. Someone says something innocuous that you turn around to mean something else.

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BenGetsHigh t1_ir0rs6u wrote

It's from napoleon dynamite where his brother goes "your mom goes to college" after the girl says she's selling stuff for money for college. Lol

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OrgyInTheBurnWard t1_ir0tis6 wrote

We'd been doing that long before Napoleon Dynamite. That is the most famous usage of the joke style, though. Classic.

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LadyBug_0570 t1_ir1fq4j wrote

What is this I'm reading????

People have been playing The Dozens with Yo Mama jokes since the 1930s.

Naopleon Dynamite? Young people.

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Xais56 t1_ir0rrci wrote

>MTV's yo momma came out in 06 so not sure what you mean by 97

Do you think these jokes were invented in 2006?

"Demetrius: Villain, what hast thou done?
Aaron: That which thou canst not undo.
Chiron: Thou hast undone our mother.
Aaron: Villain, I have done thy mother."

That one's from Titus Andronicus, written sometime in the late 16th century.

There's evidence on ones from 3500 BC carved into ancient tablets, but language and culture has evolved too much to be able to get the joke easily. All we know is that the joke involves someones mother, and sex.

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LadyBug_0570 t1_ir1fyns wrote

See, and I was only conservatively going back as far as the 1930s. You went and dug up some 1600s insults.

I love it!

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JEWCIFERx t1_ir0vox4 wrote

Yeah.....OP kinda sounds like a dumb kid based on how this was written. Hopefully the experience will teach them the difference between comedy and being cruel for laughs.

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LadyBug_0570 t1_ir1f18e wrote

Yeah... I feel like OP wasn't playing The Dozens quite right.

(BTW, that's a good one.)

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narvuntien t1_iqzrpdt wrote

I made a Your Mum joke once and my friend kicked me out of her car and told me to walk home. Her Mother died when she was very young.

It took me a long time to learn to say sorry when I didn't feel it was my fault. But learning to do that will save a lot of friendships. You have to do it and do it genuinely and don't put any blame on her for her reaction.

"Hey, I am sorry I made a bad joke about your mother, I should of checked if that was something you were okay with before doing it, I still want to be friends and I hope you don't hold one bad joke against me"

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AnaalPusBakje t1_ir0fba6 wrote

>It took me a long time to learn to say sorry when I didn't feel it was my fault.

that is what we call empathy, being able to look at something from someone else's point of view.

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4_Legged_Duck t1_ir0p0yz wrote

I'm going to push back. I don't think what this user is saying is empathy.

Empathy is, sure, when you can see something from someone else's point of view, understand their experience, etc. Absolutely.

That is not what this user is saying. Regardless of how the other person feels, apologizing can be a way to save a connection. Regardless of why they're hurt, if you see it from their point of view or not.

It's about setting aside your ego and pride and choosing the other person. It's humility.

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StormBerry17 t1_ir0ob56 wrote

How is it not your fault when you make a joke that offends your friend? You said a joke that many people find offensive without seeing if it was okay. If you’re not close enough with someone to know that their mom died, you’re not close enough to make jokes like that. It sounds more like an acquaintanceship at that point. You are responsible for the things you say. This “it’s not my fault you were offended” applies to audiences of comedians who don’t have personal relationships with them, not friends telling offensive jokes. I’m glad you apologized but it doesn’t seem sincere when you’re thinking you’re not at fault.

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bdc0409 t1_ir0muve wrote

I have a genuine question that I’ve struggled with, how do you apologize for something you don’t think was your fault? Maybe I misunderstand what an apology is but I thought the whole point was acknowledging your fault.

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4_Legged_Duck t1_ir0pc3t wrote

When it's "not your fault" apologizing hurts your pride. Apologizing when you don't feel at fault can feel like a lie, but part of what you're doing is humbling yourself before that person, saying that you choose them more than your pride. Non-english speaking cultures have this baked into their linguistics. Japanese comes to mind.

A lot of these AITA posts could get solved when the OP of the post just apologizes to their partner/friend/family regardless of who is at fault. You may be right, you may die on your righteous hill, but you're going to lose that connection no matter how right you are.

"Being right" and being right isn't always the same thing. Sometimes it's better to say "I'm sorry, you're right," and choose their feelings over your own.

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Xais56 t1_ir0qk58 wrote

>"Being right" and being right isn't always the same thing.

Just because one is correct does not mean one is right.

It is correct to say that a significantly reduced human population would be good for the planet. It is not right to say we should nuke Asia.

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narvuntien t1_ir0qfju wrote

Let go of your ego.
You are actually at least a little responsible for how people interpret what you say even if you didn't mean it the way they interpret it. You are actually sorry that they misinterpreted you and now have such a negative attitude towards you. But unless you take some responsibility for that misinterpretation it won't be genuine.

"Hey I made a mistake here, what can I do not to make it again?"

But getting misinterepted sends my anxiety skyrocketing, I am always being accidently rude on things like phone calls and emails and to cashiers. things have been a lot better since I got medication for it.

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AwkwardSquirtles t1_ir0g5h6 wrote

It's adorable that you think "your mum's a hoe" is gen Z slang.

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QuartzPigeon t1_irc0hia wrote

I'm pretty sure they're quoting that one vine of the teacher saying it to some kid but I could be wrong. If they are that would explain why they think it's Gen Z

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MrBanks2008 t1_is488l9 wrote

it kinda is

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AwkwardSquirtles t1_is4mkrv wrote

Oh buddy, people have been saying that since long before I was born and I'm on the edge of being a Millennial. You guys did not come up with Your Mum's a Hoe. Sorry.

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uninvitedfriend t1_iqzttn3 wrote

Did you apologize, or did you just explain why you copied the jokes you saw on tiktok? Because if you just explained, she might feel like you were telling her why she was wrong for being upset.

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Quinn_eth OP t1_ir031df wrote

I did apologize, she left me on read.

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6ft9man t1_ir03kdk wrote

Did you just vsay "I'm sorry"? Or did you write an actual apology that was genuine, showed true contrition, and that you realized what you said was completely off base?

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Quinn_eth OP t1_ir04gmw wrote

I did write a genuine apology. I said that I am someone who needs a filter on some days because I wouldnt be thinking straight, and apologized for causing her harm. I asked for forgiveness, and that is when she left me on read.

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6ft9man t1_ir07zuh wrote

You apologized for causing her harm instead of apologizing for being a complete ass? Saying you need a filter sounds like you're trying to give an excuse and push some of the blame by subcontext (i.e. "you know I have no filter some days. I didn't intend to hurt you with my words which were clearly said in poor taste, but you know I'm like that, so I don't know what you're expecting.")

A proper apology comes in several steps:

  • Acknowledge what you said was wrong.

  • Take full responsibility for your actions.

  • Explain that you understand that what you said was absolutely hurtful and was completely out of line.

So a proper apology would look like this: Hello (name). I wanted to sincerely apologize for calling your mother names like that the other day. It was completely out of line for me to make those comments and I understand now how hurtful my words were. I know sometimes I can be completely thoughtless when I talk and I am trying to be better about that. I can only hope that you can forgive my thoughtless actions and we can continue to be friends.

I get the feeling that this is part of a long pattern of behavior on your part, OP, and this is far from the first hurtful thing you've said to someone. If you ever intend on keeping friends long term, you need to figure out how to make some serious changes in the thoughtless and hurtful things you say to, and about, others.

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GrossOldNose t1_ir10cf6 wrote

I mean calling your friends mum a hoe is absolutely not "completely out of line" for most friendly relationships?

This is an accident not malicious, if there's a reasonable way you could have known better then sure but otherwise this is so extreme.

​

"Hiya Anna,

I'm really sorry about what happened the other day, I've obviously upset you and I feel terrible about that. I'll never joke like that about your Mum again,

Quinn"

​

Then bring a coke/cake/chocolate bar to English and I'm sure it'll be fine.

Every once in a while one of your jokes hits a nerve, it sucks, its unpredictable most of the time, and yeah it hurts people. But its not

- Completely out of line or Completely Thoughtless

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kingdaume t1_ir0u01s wrote

OP wasn’t a complete ass though. They made a normal, innocuous comment and apologized when it became clear they’d offended. Should have been the end of it.

What OP shouldn’t have to do is resort to groveling for their friendquaintance’s forgiveness when 1) it was such a tiny offense, and 2) the kid won’t even explain why they got so incredibly bent out of shape about it.

These comments are treating OP like they pissed on their mom’s grave — little over the top, no?

What’s truly crazy to me is how comfortable you felt slinging that final assumption about OP’s social life. Utterly baseless and, ironically, rude as fuck to say to somebody you don’t know!

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6ft9man t1_ir18lp6 wrote

They did something that caused injury to a friend. You own up to it and apologize. You have no idea why she's acting like that. For all we know, her mother may have been unfaithful to her partner. Or maybe mom is sick. Or there's abuse. None of which she's required to tell anybody. So, if you say something that causes pain, apologize for it.

Also, that's not groveling. That's simply giving a full and complete apology.

−2

kingdaume t1_ir18q9s wrote

They did apologize.

“I’m sorry for what I said; I didn’t realize it would be hurtful to you, but recognize and regret that it was and won’t do it again” is a full and complete apology. They don’t need to say they were “completely out of line” because they weren’t. At all. So why would there be any reason for OP to villainize themself?

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6ft9man t1_ir19sju wrote

They said roughly 'in sorry I hurt you". That's not an apology, that's an appeasement. They didn't take ownership of it, instead deflecting it to "i have no filter".

As stated in my previous post, there are steps to making an apology. You own up to your mistake, which op didn't. They shrugged their shoulders, said, 'that's how I am" and "I'm sorry your feelings got hurt".

0

kingdaume t1_ir1cfr3 wrote

“I’m sorry I hurt you” is an apology, actually. It’s acknowledging you caused harm, taking responsibility, and expressing remorse.

“I’m sorry you got hurt” is a completely different statement, and not an apology.

You using them interchangeable here is deeply disingenuous and eyeroll-worthy.

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NiceSockBro t1_ir0cyfu wrote

Whoever threw that piece of paper, your moms a hoe

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safewordbubblegum t1_iqzjo13 wrote

Could she have gotten offended because her mom really is a hoe? Poor girl.

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Tanagrabelle t1_iqzyvpo wrote

"I'm really sorry I said that. It was a stupid thing to say, and I didn't mean it."

Try that out, with utter sincerity. Do not add any "but I thought it was funny." "People do it on tiktok all the time." If she asks if you know why it hurt her, let's make an assumption. "Because it's a nasty thing to say. I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking."

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OrgyInTheBurnWard t1_ir0bjme wrote

If anything, say something along the lines of, "I was trying to be funny and not hurtful, and failed at both. I'm sorry I hurt you." You can explain your motivations without making excuses. I think having a mutual understanding of a given situation is important for both apologies and forgiveness.

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asm001 t1_ir0ohqv wrote

Also do it to her face in person. Texting doesn't convey intent/sincerity. If you care, show it. Don't try and excuse with humour when not appropriate.

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Tinchotesk t1_ir00els wrote

Honest question: how is saying "your mom's a hoe" out of the blue, a "joke"?

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SociopathicPasserby t1_ir0e9af wrote

My sister and I say wild shit like that all the time. One of our favorite is "Your mother is a cankerous whore". Some people are fine with jokes like that, others are more sensitive. You just have to read the room.

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orchidlake t1_ir0nj1q wrote

Depends on people and context and ppl can have lapses of judgement and be stupid. I called my husband a "son of a bitch" before while we were laughing (he was probably teasing me). In front of his mom. She seemed amused by it even though it dawned on me almost immediately. No harm done though in this case. OP did say he does jokes like that with ppl he's comfortable with, friend clearly isn't seeing eye to eye there. I call my best friend a bitch all the time (she does the same) and we laugh about it, every person has their limit and boundaries and those weren't established between OP & his friend

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QuartzPigeon t1_irc15j3 wrote

I'm pretty sure they're quoting a specific vine, it's a teacher saying "whoever threw that piece of paper, your mom's a hoe" which in my friend circles could absolutely be said out of the blue and we'd all laugh

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[deleted] t1_iqztsu3 wrote

[deleted]

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OrgyInTheBurnWard t1_ir0b3dp wrote

>So here’s the thing about jokes. It’s 100% the responsibility of the joke teller to ensure that it’s funny to every joke hearer.

Fuck that. That's the dumbest shit I ever heard, and completely impossible to accomplish--that is unless it's an audience of one, which is the case here.

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OrgyInTheBurnWard t1_ir0t1ir wrote

Since he deleted his response before I had a chance to post mine, here it is:

His comment for context:

>First of all, let me make sure you understand what I’m saying. It’s not that you can’t tell a joke unless you’re 100% sure it would be funny for everybody, which I presume is what you mean by “impossible to accomplish”. That’s not what the “100%” refers to. What I am saying is that you don’t get to blame the listener for not having a sense of humor if the joke falls flat, and if the joke did cause offense, that you should be the one apologizing.

>Secondly, as for your exception:

>>unless it’s an audience of one

>why then doesn’t the concept apply to an audience of two, or three, or five? At how many listeners does it become not your fault someone is offended?

>Again, people screw up, and friends can generally forgive somebody who apologized sincerely, but I’m talking about where the fault lies, and therefore if anybody should apologize.

And my rebuttal:

>With one person, you only have to worry about the sensibilities of a single solitary person. Each additional listener increases the chance that someone in the audience won't enjoy the joke. That's difficult enough for professional comedians with an audience full of fans that already enjoy their brand of humor. Imagine being an amateur performing for complete strangers who have never heard of you. You can't possibly take every audience member's personal sensitivies into account, nor should you. Comedy is an art, and art is subjective.

I wasn't going to let all that go to waste.

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DepressiveVortex t1_ir06x35 wrote

>> I understand that from her perspective, it is my fault, but from my perspective, it’s all misunderstanding. > >So here’s the thing about jokes. It’s 100% the responsibility of the joke teller to ensure that it’s funny to every joke hearer.

Lol no it isn't. That's ridiculous. That's how comedians get cancelled just because one person in the audience was offended.

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cjboffoli t1_ir0k55m wrote

FYI, ho is what you mean. A ‘hoe’ is a garden tool.

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WorkMeBaby1MoreTime t1_ir06lns wrote

Apologize sincerely and tell her you really value her friendship.

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jay_da_truth t1_ir0elzi wrote

No she needs to apologize for fumbling a good yo mama joke and in the future will watch MTV's yo mama

−4

HOLDGMEBROTHERS t1_iqzmfhr wrote

How do you say “Your moms a hoe” out of nowhere dude! If she’s cool, just randomly text her “Your moms a ………” fill it with nice words with a few messages. See if that works good luck man!!

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hephaistos070 t1_ir0ktfi wrote

Try jokes that don't involve putting people down. They are funnier and you get to keep your friends, win-win! In the mean while: apologize to your friend. That means saying 'sorry. It wasn't funny. I didn't mean it. ' you said you told her it was meant 'neutral'? That's not a real apology. Try again. I hope it helps.

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infinitepotential369 t1_ir0ldyz wrote

Absolutely agree, there's nothing funny about putting someone down, we don't know where there insecurities and sensitivities lie. Try making fun of yourself instead.

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Crazydarkside4 t1_iqzrv6m wrote

Give her some time, then apologise again. Explain about the jokes on tiktok (they were also around when I was at school and I am nearly 50).

Ask if there is anything you can do and that you really didn't mean to upset her, that if she needs to talk you will listen.

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xLyte t1_ir09g5r wrote

Her mom is still alive, right?

4

AwkwardSquirtles t1_ir0fx3x wrote

As someone who lost their mum in high school, that just makes you immune to your mum jokes. It's great to fire back with "my mum's dead" and watch whoever said it yet super uncomfortable.

6

[deleted] t1_ir0kf06 wrote

Yo momma jokes usually have a build up including some hyperbolic reference to looks or lifestyle based issues. Your mom jokes are usually topical, like an Uno Reverse card where someone says something but you say "your mom's a something" and the connection is so direct there's no question what the reference was.

Sounds like you just called her mom a hoe.

4

asm001 t1_ir0p3sf wrote

Apologise in person, none of this text crap. If you are sincere it will be fine. If she just thinks you're a dickhead, then there's more wrong with your friendship than you think, and this was a trigger point.

Own it and then let it go.

3

rocksavior2010 t1_ir10jhv wrote

Someone here pointed out that you may have hit too close to home and I agree with that. Mom could had some issues in the past. Anna could have had some issues in the past. Mom could be a sex worker for all we know, and you might be right. But if that’s the case, what possibly hurt was tonality and intent. Without thinking, that statement shames a whole field of work.

If that’s the case, you need to understand that your friend, Anna, may need time to willingly approach you again. A real, thought out, “hey I know this hurt you and I want to apologize for it.” means a literal ton when you inadvertently hurt someone.

What you need to understand with this though, is that she may say “ok”, or “thank you”, or she may ignore it entirely. Don’t rush her, get in her face, be snarky, or anything like that. Don’t force her to accept your apology either. Say it, let her absorb it. Let her know that you’ll give her space to come around again if that’s what she feels she needs and you’d still like to be friends but only if she’s ok with that.

You said something that maybe you shouldn’t have because everyone was joking around. Sometimes we accidentally step on toes. It happens, work on making amends and you’ll be alright.

3

Poison-Ivy-0 t1_ir13wn5 wrote

your apology should be just as loud as your disrespect. if you said it in a group of people (it sounds like you did but idk) you should apologize/explain in front of those same people.

but also you have to be willing to accept that she’s not obligated to forgive you. all you can do is apologize and be better. no one owes you an acceptance.

3

Dukinie t1_ir16ob2 wrote

Clearly you've gotta bang her mamma now to prove your point, only way I see out of this.

3

jay_da_truth t1_ir0e5zy wrote

Terrible just awful worst yo mama joke I've ever read maybe that's why your friend is mad because you're terrible at telling yo mama jokes you know it's bad when you say your mama and not yo mama see you already butchered it before the punchline

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AnaalPusBakje t1_ir0g8sj wrote

don't try to give reasons for why you did it (i.e. people on tiktok do it as well), you're not looking for her to understand your point of view. you have to make it clear to her that you have thought about het point of view and about how it might have come across, and apologize. you don't want/need her to understand what you did, you already did it. at this point it's mostly about your ability to empathize and coming to terms with the fact you did something wrong.

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chi7p1 t1_ir0if6l wrote

I still think it's useful to explain the reason they did it, as in not really trying to insult her mom or embarrass her. But yeah don't dwell on it too much.

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AnaalPusBakje t1_ir4c26w wrote

yeah ofc, but op already explained himself, if he were to keep up that he did nothing wrong or would keep explaining himself that wouldn't help.

1

Stray1_cat t1_ir0zv4n wrote

You already apologized and meant it.

The only other thing you can do is not do it again. It’s up to her to move on

2

AshamedVegetable522 t1_ir10mzy wrote

I'm sure you meant it as a joke, but the way you said it didn't come across that way. Choose your words more carefully next time and hopefully your friend will forgive you.

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DeusExPir8Pete t1_ir18cot wrote

I would pop round and apologise to them both in person, explain the origin of the joke, but state clearly this is not an excuse you you made the joke in poor taste. Then ask your friend if its all good.

Finally don't be such a muppet again....

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AcrobaticSource3 t1_ir1lfis wrote

Make up for calling your friend’s mom a hoe by pleasuring her a hole

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unsung_hero88 t1_ir1ssn9 wrote

I was about to come at you for not apologize until I saw the edit. There’s nothing you can do at this point. Give her space

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wizisqueeze t1_ir08w5d wrote

i'm so stupid i thought you were with the mom

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kodaharley t1_ir0e3w1 wrote

It’s hilarious that he says he wants to give her the space she needs but it’s pretty inconvenient for him. You are the one who hurt their feelings and now you are inconvenienced😛

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beewyka819 t1_ir0e6f4 wrote

Whoever threw that paper…

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Sirix_8472 t1_ir0s31j wrote

I too have stepped in it before with a friend. Not the same blowback by any means as you are getting but an honest apology offered is all you can do.

A friend and I were casually making fun of eachother and telling jokes, he told a yo momma joke. I told a yo momma joke.

It was then he hit me with "my mom's dead, that's not funny" and I doubled down with "well dig her up and she'll be boned and rolled, I'll have her spinning in her grave". It turns out, he was not kidding when he admitted his mother had passed away(something we had never discussed prior).

I met him with "c'mon dude don't push BS" to make it worse. Next day I offered an apology and a day after we were right as rain, with a new topic to avoid. Though I should also note, he escalated with facts to make me feel bad initially, then genuinely felt bad he'd done that too, so there was a pair of us in it, both apologizing for diff reasons.

Since you have already sent a text apology and been left on read, silent treatment sitting beside them, time is all you can give it. If it's not sorted in a few days, ask to meet to offer your apology again in person (it's an opportunity to discuss) but if after that it's radio silence you can't continue to followup, chasing someone with multiple messages over and over just comes across as harassment.

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commandrix t1_ir0silg wrote

That's why I don't make "your mom" jokes by default. Some people can be really sensitive about their relationships with their parents (or, sometimes, lack thereof).

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MonolithOfTyr t1_ir0zbif wrote

Apologize IN-PERSON. Nothing more impersonal than a text apology.

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Lee2026 t1_ir16px5 wrote

I think you should let your friend know how much it’s bothering you, that it’s affecting your studies and sleep. I think once she sees that you’re struggling with the situation, she’ll she that your comment wasn’t genuine and was intended as a joke. I think you should apologies again and stress that it wasn’t meant to be serious or hurtful and that you’re sorry you hurt her. But in the future, refrain from making similar jokes as it obviously doesn’t sit well with her.

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sammidoo t1_ir1iaja wrote

Maybe her mom really is a hoe and you’ve discovered their dirty little secret.

1

jesushchristo t1_ir1kls8 wrote

It probably hit her different because her mom exhibits ho like qualities.

1

lululovebox t1_ir1vfz8 wrote

Is her mom maybe actually, a hoe?

1

Chronos669 t1_ir235rl wrote

Friends come and go just like the real hoes

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IrisKalla t1_ir24ujx wrote

I mean, did you say sorry?

Jokes are great, but everyone fumbles at one point or another. Also, humour changes dramatically in online groups (and over time). Some might be cool with "your mom" stuff, some, less so.

The ability to realize you hurt her feelings and just say sorry for that is KEY to maintaining good relationships.

It's also ok to realize not all friendships are what we think they are, or work as well as we might hope. Humour doesn't match as well as we thought, or values are different, etc. That's just being human. Be the best you you can and don't worry too much.

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Burnrate t1_ir2bc1u wrote

Did you mean she left you unread?

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AZLeooooooooooon t1_ir2gfgu wrote

Reminds me of the time a kid in my elementary school cried because of a yo mama joke. After that, yo mama jokes got banned

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hxbowo t1_ir2iqdh wrote

hah, i do that with a friend too like everyday as a joke

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Ok_Meal_1242 t1_ir39wvi wrote

Man I did the same and this kid told the school and the school I go to is a bitch for bad words

1

Cmmander_WooHoo t1_ir3ggij wrote

Yeah I made a random ‘your mom’ joke freshman year of highschool to a classmate, having no idea his mom had died the year before. He stabbed me in the hand with a mechanical pencil and I still have a scar. Kind of a reminder to keep that shit in my head unless I know somebody well enough lol

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Lone_Wanderer2001 t1_ir48cpm wrote

You need a new friend if they are that sensitive with you even apologizing.

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SumonaFlorence t1_ir54laa wrote

If she's so butthurt about it, then most likely Anna's confused how you know that her mom's actually a hoe.

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Parkway96792 t1_ir6a6nv wrote

Would be hilarious if her mom was an actual sex worker

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NostradaMart t1_ir6g4kf wrote

"your mom's a hoe"

​

is not an edgy joke, dumbass.

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pizzashituwu t1_irdz9ox wrote

did she happen to throw a piece of paper?

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Advanced-Syllabub-52 t1_isx2g10 wrote

Was that her mum who texted you later in the evening I'm guessing? Since her wording through you off I'm guessing it might have been her. Do be careful when joking about others parents next time my friend bcuz you never know how they take it.

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AndrewFishay t1_ir0fw27 wrote

I’d send her a few classic memes like the teacher saying “who ever threw that, your moms a hoe” etc.. show her the reference so she understands your side. Then leave it at that. What else can you do.

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Alternative-Way-269 t1_ir0idwu wrote

Idk, man. My mom died and I don't understand 'your mom' jokes at all. I actually become very irritated if people mention their own mums let alone if they joke about my mom or moms in general. You never know how sensitive someone can be with their parents or what experiences they may have. You might have hit a weak spot.

I'd suggest that you give her a bit of time, apologize again and express how much you want to be friends and promise you'll never act like that again. But really do so if she forgives you.

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rellsell t1_ir0kpdy wrote

Apparently, her mom is a ho and now their gonna have to move again.

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Wannabeartist9974 t1_ir0mx2l wrote

Bruh it's not that serious just keep hanging and move on

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TheShawnWray t1_ir0nmse wrote

That's not how "your mom" jokes work, for one thing. But you apologized and she'll either forgive you or she won't. The fact that you can't concentrate or sleep is not her fault. She has no obligation to do more than she has. But you're probably going to have to give it a few days.

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SaintLikeLaurent t1_ir0rt8x wrote

Tell them u were memeing and show that one video where that teacher said Whoever threw that pencil ya mum a ho lol

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Spiersy_ t1_ir132pq wrote

I see so many people telling you to apologise for things you didn't do. Telling you to feel ashamed of that part of you, and to censor yourself in future. Sounds like terrible advice.

Sometimes some people unfortunately aren't suited to be friends. Just because someone doesn't get along with parts of you, doesn't mean you should change those parts. Don't change yourself because of someone else, only change because you want to be better.

I had to learn the hard way as a life long people pleaser that used to censor myself for peoples sensibilities. You will not like yourself at the end of the day, if you do that. Surround yourself with people that share and encourage your personality.

Good luck!

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JamesSolR t1_ir1kldi wrote

I don’t think he meant it in a negative manner but you have to understand that it most certainly came off as rude and inappropriate, there is absolutely no reason you should not apologize. Heck I wouldn’t even necessarily apologize to the friend but the actual mom, no matter what the context is you don’t go around calling someone a hoe, especially if you don’t know the person. Also even it being a joke is still somewhat disingenuous like if I say, “oh your mom is a hoe” in front of both of them and then say some bs like, “it’s a joke” it still doesn’t make up for anything, apologize simple as that. Again it even seems like his friend didn’t react very well to the situation, another reason to apologize as they clearly didn’t like the joke. Like if my friend called my mom a hoe in front me and my mom I would feel uncomfortable as well.

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Spiersy_ t1_ir346nu wrote

I'm not against an apology at all. You can be sorry that something you did unintentionally hurt someone, without necessarily being sorry for what you did.

I am just against the sentiment in the comments that is telling OP that they must change who they are as a person. Some people out here expecting OP to walk on egg shells 24/7 because someone might take offence to something you say. That's not how I want to live.

Personally, I would just apologise for any unintended offence, and keep on moving. As long as there was no malicious intent it shouldn't need more than a conversation to get friends back on the same page.

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MrPeerwastaken t1_ir1fsbf wrote

Give her some time, girls are very emotional. The same stuff happened with my friend..worst part is she blocked him and made a massive thing out of it by blabbering in the school. Try showing that you really do feel sorry, if the friendship is worth saving try

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thebasedbodhisattva t1_ir031o2 wrote

Did someone throw a balled up piece of paper at the back of your head prior to you calling your friends mom a hoe?

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iSpyNi t1_iqzutlh wrote

It’s not a misunderstanding. What you said was rude, inconsiderate of your friend, and vulgar. You should apologize to her and give her space. She may not want to communicate with you again. Accept that. You were wrong and should not make that mistake with others in the future.

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RadJames t1_ir0018r wrote

Calm down, it was absolutely nothing. It would be unfortunate if something had happened or is going on with her mum but you can’t know everything. Simple earnest apology will do.

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Stock_Yesterday_4601 t1_iqzrii8 wrote

It's probably because her mom is indeed a hoe. Just try to stay cool with your friend, maybe try to just talk with her and try to get her respond why was her reaction like this, explain your whole situation.

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