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doowgad1 t1_iuhj8ii wrote

Which is why you need to learn to let shit go.

If you're the only one who cares about it, what's the point?

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SteamKore t1_iuhms4y wrote

Took me WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too long to figure this out.

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oldbastardbob t1_iuhqgm9 wrote

The other day there was a LPT recommending that people reminisce about the past whenever feeling down.

Seems it didn't go so well when myself and several others pointed out that ruminating on past crap is the opposite of helpful and is something therapists work at getting patients to learn from, let go of, move on, and hopefully forget about.

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SteamKore t1_iuhra8s wrote

Like in specific cases it's useful, even necessary, but yeah for the most part it's just not great, especially with past traumas.

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iceynyo t1_iuhujc2 wrote

The problem is when people hang on to bad memories... Nothing wrong with reminiscing about the positive stuff. Also nothing wrong with remembering the bad stuff as a lesson, as long as it's not making you sad all the time.

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VigorousFroth t1_iuhweef wrote

Yep, balance is key. Things usually arent as 0% or 100% as Reddit makes it seem. There's nuance to things.

If someone dies its traumatic, yes. but reminiscing with fam and friends about happy times can ease the pain and loneliness you feel after losing someone.

Still hurts, but you don't risk bottling everything up and reaching a point of despair.

Of course it varies from person to person how they handle trauma and the type of trauma inflicted varies, but there's always a way to ease the effects even if it doesn't seem like it in the heat of the moment.

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Skydude252 t1_iuhx27l wrote

Reminiscing about positive stuff can be bad too, past a point. It can be nice to briefly connect with good things that happen, smile remembering them and such. If you become stuck in the past, though, it can keep you from improving your current life. It’s the kind of thing that keeps people stuck in a mindset of a high school athlete when that was the highlight of their life.

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iceynyo t1_iuhz0ng wrote

Yeah that's true... that's basically turning a good memory from the past into a negative emotion in the present.

But yeah anything that keeps you living in the past for any reason would be bad. Unless you've invented time travel I guess.

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sadbutmakeyousmile t1_iuhtlpt wrote

Dude get out of my head. I will hold on to it coz that bitch said sonething to me in fifth grade. I will let it impact my life and daily decisions.

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Forehead_Target t1_iuhzb9u wrote

You joke, (I hope) but my grandmother actually did this. She talked about some petty slight someone gave her when she was 7ish until she died when she was 91. She was a miserable, miserable woman.

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sadbutmakeyousmile t1_iuib29z wrote

You hope is wrong my friend it actually happened to me. Now coz ya told me a story I will tell mine to you.

According to my mom I was the most handsome kid. I genuinely used to believe that and beam with confidence everyday at school.

Then one day our drama club was having some play, and the 10th and 12th graders who were like the heads of the drama club came asking for someone to play the role of a younger kid.

I was so confident I raised my hand immediately, then this girl who had come, who was a long member of the club and teachers favourite said to me , looking straight in the eye with an expression of disgust-"Have you seen your face". I still remember her look, since that day, I have been told more than once that I am good looking , have nice features yada yada through my life but NEVER, NEVER will I ever believe even one of them. I judge and push away anyone who tries to make me feel better about myself. I will probably live like this till my old age.

But I will not be an angry old man. I help people who suffer from similar stuff like me, I pull them out of their misery or help them feel 100 times better about themselves. But I will not, cannot pull myself out.

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Imightbeworking t1_iuhu8c9 wrote

I will never give up my Vendetta on Wendy's. They might not care, but I CARE!

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bopeepsheep t1_iuhxubq wrote

I had my life kinda ruined (traumatised for some time, cost me money, jeopardised a job, etc) by something that the person who did it barely remembered a month later, never mind now. That will never excuse it. I may not ever forget it, and neither will the handful of other people affected.

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greenappletree t1_iuhuh7s wrote

Like they say - dont sweat the small stuff and most things are really not that important

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ucdragoon t1_iuhwij6 wrote

I feel like this comment doesn't really make sense to this post. It makes it sound like if someone is a piece of shit all the time and doesn't realize it then it doesn't matter

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SurroundingAMeadow t1_iui4cou wrote

Some of the best advice I ever received was to not spend more time thinking about something somebody said than what they did.

So often we dwell on something that was just an offhand casual remark.

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Eastrider1006 t1_iuhu5ke wrote

This is what I needed to read and I hope I remember this post whenever something haunts me.

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pladhoc t1_iuhw6y6 wrote

I'm going to use these memories as motivation to be a better person, while also not letting that bring me down.

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karagiselle t1_iuhw90p wrote

This shower thought is the nightmare of my everyday, causes my depression and anxiety, and I’m still trying to learn how to let shit go.

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Bamres t1_iuhyy1l wrote

There are a few things I needed and need to learn to Let go, but at the same time, there are people who I can't see as having changed enough that I would let them back to being close again because the same shit would repeat.

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Philyeagles710 t1_iui0dlh wrote

I mean if someone blatantly disrespects me, why should I let it go? I don’t sit there and stew over it, but I won’t ever forget it. If they are fine with doing it once, then they’d be fine with doing it again. And why would they care? They clearly think their behavior is normal and ok.

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doowgad1 t1_iui1zi4 wrote

You met an asshole. Let it go

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Philyeagles710 t1_iui4xzs wrote

Lol ok. I’ll just let the shitty people walk all over me. Good to know that’s how it works in your world.

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doowgad1 t1_iuiuj1q wrote

If you’re going to put words in my mouth please serve them with chips and salsa. Deal with the situation at hand and then it’s over. You being mad a decade later doesn’t hurt whoever you are mad at

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Philyeagles710 t1_iuiv9yo wrote

You tell me to deal with the situation at hand, but you don’t know even know the situation. I work with the guy everyday and he is disrespectful to everyone in general. Stop acting like you know everything and tell people to just “deal with it” like it’s that fuckin easy.

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doowgad1 t1_iuiw3q5 wrote

I had a supervisor like that a while back. I got a different guy to start a rumor that the boss hated me because of a gay love affair we’d had. Boss requested a transfer.

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1-Ohm t1_iui0m7t wrote

What? You completely missed the point OP was making.

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Mustang46L t1_iuhmyu4 wrote

I was on vacation recently with friends, and friends of friends. I start talking to one of the friends of friends (who I met once) when they arrive, only to find out that he f'ing hates me and thought about not coming on the vacation because I'd be there. When we were at a party last fall (lumberjack themed) I apparently "made fun" of his deceased father's hat. To be clear, I was drinking.. have no recollection of this.. and probably just said something funny about a lumberjack hat.

He still hates me and almost broke one of my fingers on that vacation.

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Mustang46L t1_iuhpw41 wrote

Oh, I should mention he didn't tell me he had an issue with me. He whined to my wife behind my back that be didn't like me before she forced him to be a grown man and tell me.

I apologized, he didn't accept.

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MrMing-NaWen t1_iuhqizx wrote

I dunno, based on this I'm with you. It sounds like you were being light hearted at a light hearted event. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone so ungracious and judgemental that they hold a weird, seething, grudge for a year over a joke about something I didnt know was sentimental to them. People need to chill out.

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Large_Talons_ t1_iuhxzxk wrote

I mean we (and OP apparently) have no idea what he actually said. and I know it’s just a hat but if someone you don’t know says something super rude the first time you meet, it’s gonna leave a bad taste.

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spanther96 t1_iuhzxbz wrote

“that’s an ugly fucking hat, whose wardrobe you get that from - your dad’s? muahahaha”

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MrMing-NaWen t1_iujsn9t wrote

Yeah, I mean we're only hearing OP's side. If in real life the guy said "hey this was my dad's, it means something to me," and OP pressed on anyway then I would get the grudge. Or maybe if he said something really, really, out of pocket like you mentioned.

But I mean, as with all internet stories, there's no way of knowing.

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BertieTheBrain t1_iuhyo1b wrote

Well you're only hearing one side of the story. It could very well he was being a drunk ass at an event since he himself admitted he was drinking and tried to use that as a defense of his shitty actions.

He said the dude "whined" to make the dude sound bad. He insulted the guy's dead father and then said he was whining about it.

He said he "apologized", I very much doubt it was sincere since he doesn't even remember nor really care what he did with the way he described it.

I wouldn't want to be friends with this guy.

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Patchyug t1_iui2sdr wrote

"We don't have the other side of the story so, after completely fabricating it based on assumptions, I have determined OP is a bad guy"

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BertieTheBrain t1_iui48ry wrote

nah, more like presumptions than assumptions. i checked some of his posts just now. he says the other guy either ignores him now or is just ignorant. describing how the dude behaves around him now and throws in an insult for added benefit. he sounds real apologetic. (that was sarcasm)

again, i wouldn't want to be friends with him.

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Patchyug t1_iui7bb0 wrote

"I am genuinely miserable and tearing this random dude on reddit down over miniscule amounts of evidence is how I am going to get through the day"

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BertieTheBrain t1_iui7ncj wrote

sounds like projection to me, especially with all your replies being sarcastic quotes. but whatever, you do you, king. have a good one 👍

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Bamres t1_iuhzx7p wrote

I had a similar thing with a friend I was pretty close with, I said something that he didn't like in a group chat we had, not even very insulting from what I remember, but he never told me, or anyone else.

I showed up at a party and he was just not talking to me and wouldn't say why, his GF didn't know anything about it, no one in our chat who I asked could point to anything I said that could possibly cause the reaction.

Eventually he just started talking to me again, never mentioned anything about it. Then he did it again, once again IDK what I did and no one else does either.

I can't say I did nothing wrong because...idk what he was upset about and you can't apologize for some shit that you don't know what you're even doing it for.

But from my perspective, it's not sustainable to be friends with someone who communicates in such a way.

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Mustang46L t1_iui0gpn wrote

Yeah, I'm super glad this isn't a close friend of mine. But now it's just awkward because my good friend needs to decide any time they have a party or go on a vacation if they should invite both of us or not. I'm still generally cordial to the guy who hates me although he either completely ignores me or is outright ignorant. So unlikely doubt we'll be in the same place at the same time anytime soon.

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Eensame t1_iuhn4l2 wrote

Hat are a very sensitive subject

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Mustang46L t1_iuhnc9h wrote

Sure, I guess. But this is an almost 50 year old man acting like I actually lobbed insults at his father. 😂

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half-witigator t1_iuhwj58 wrote

Tbh your attitude of “I was drunk, it’s just a hat, I apologized, it’s nbd and what do you want from me?” is probably not winning you any friends. Did you sincerely apologize? Because I don’t think you can do that unless you actually feel bad, which you clearly do not. Maybe he’s unreasonable and grieving but based on your retelling he hates you, for something you did, and you don’t seem all that concerned. Idk you might be the asshole here.

You’re probably almost 50 too. Maybe stop getting black out drunk and bullying the bereaved.

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JarasM t1_iuhymyp wrote

How can he sincerely apologize for something he himself doesn't remember and apparently the other party couldn't explain well themselves? If I remembered being an asshole to somebody I'd feel bad and apologize profusely because I am a nonconfrontational person that is terrified of the thought of someone thinking badly of me, but if I learned of an event that is simply described as offensive which I don't remember, I too would just say something shallow like "I'm sorry if I offended you somehow".

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Bald_Sasquach t1_iuhxosy wrote

Getting black out drunk and bullying the bereaved is all I have left :'(

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Mustang46L t1_iuhydnj wrote

When he showed up on vacation and explained what happened (I sincerely didn't remember it, which to me speaks volumes about how unintentional it was), I apologized sincerely.. multiple times. It was pretty clear he was uninterested in any type of apology, assumed I was an asshole, and just wanted to ensure that everyone on vacation with me knew that he didn't like me or want me to be around. He literally told me about 20x it was his deceased father's hat like it was something I SHOULD have known.

Yes, I'm in my 40s. No, I didn't get blackout drunk I just don't remember this ridiculous conversation. When I drink I talk a lot, not blackout.

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BertieTheBrain t1_iui5r30 wrote

>I just don't remember this ridiculous conversation. When I drink I talk a lot, not blackout.

You're still hand waving away your actions with the drunk defense. You're still responsible for your actions even if you don't remember them.

It's frankly, not believable that you were sincere in your apology with how hard you try to wave it off with being drunk or that you don't remember. Along with other descriptions about how you're happy you're not close to the guy while throwing shade about him saying he whines and is ignorant in your following posts.

Obviously going against the crowd here, but I don't find it believable that you sincerely apologized.

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BertieTheBrain t1_iuhyxv5 wrote

>“I was drunk, it’s just a hat, I apologized, it’s nbd and what do you want from me?” is probably not winning you any friends. Did you sincerely apologize?

This was glaringly obvious to me. Seems like OP is an ass. "I was drunk my bad, that lets me be a shit person and hand wave away shitty actions I did"

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[deleted] t1_iuhp6wz wrote

[deleted]

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joshthatoneguy t1_iuhrx10 wrote

Yeah but there is such thing as overreacting to a statement. He's allowed to feel upset, but to attempt to break OPs finger over a comment from a year ago is the exact definition of overreacting.

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mik999ak t1_iuhs51x wrote

Yeah, but some recipients need to get a grip

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GooglyIce t1_iui05yn wrote

Especially when one’s choice of wearing one isn’t so much of a choice or when insults with the wrong company around can lead to escalation. Even more dire when it’s a deceased person’s hat or even someone that was misunderstood for being distant. The little things can sometimes be one of the few things we have to cling on to when in time even the memories of lost ones become fading distant memories. It can be very intimidating, not just confrontational for people who have lost the surrounding of company you seem to take for granted.

Did you even bother to ask if there was any sentimental value to it or did you just make assumptions? Personally I’ve seen too much death for me to take a joke as easily as I used to, especially when it’s about something in the past when the past is something I’m still having a hard time with to let go of. I mean there’s good reasons for needing therapy sometimes, instead of just mental evaluations or assumptions based on a sliver of understanding of the underlying issues.

Having said that, I used to joke around a lot when it came to the more personal stuff because to me it was a coping mechanism and I’d rather make new fun memories than reminiscing on the painful ones. It was my way of being strong, trying to cheer people up instead of saying sorry all the time. Sorry for your loss doesn’t really cut it when hearing it from a stranger after it’s already played out. Besides it’s confrontational and can be a painful reminder.

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nocolon t1_iuhurtd wrote

I once told someone who was a good friend that, after he started dating a girl, we all missed him since he was never around anymore and was just with his girl. He took it wrong, and has been angry with me since. Regardless of the conversation being about a group and just coming from me.

He still hasn't let it go. It was 15 years ago.

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Whatachooch t1_iuhvbbj wrote

So you're saying you still don't see him much?

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nocolon t1_iui775r wrote

Only at cookouts hosted by one of the other dudes in that group. Somehow he stayed friends with them but I’m still persona non grata.

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Mustang46L t1_iui49xu wrote

Also, when he told me what I did I went back to photos of the night.. and he was wearing a baseball hat. I had no idea why someone could be insulted about a baseball hat. It wasn't until later I remembered he had a lumberjack hat earlier in the night (no photos of that one).

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entomologist-cousin t1_iuhroth wrote

A colleague once apologised to me for a time he felt he hadn’t supported me in an interaction with yet another colleague.

I had not only forgotten the incident, but also had never even considered that I might have felt annoyed at someone else who was there for not supporting me.

Which is sort of the opposite? My colleague remembered himself as an asshole for something he didn’t do to rectify something someone else did do at a time I didn’t remember.

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ihatethisjob42 t1_iuhypss wrote

I am your colleague's duplicate. Beating myself up for not meeting a standard that only exists in my head

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Ttokk t1_iuhz8t3 wrote

Setting yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm.

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JamzWhilmm t1_iui3k3c wrote

Paul, for the last time we are in the middle of a heatwave. Don't burn yourself up.

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ANobodyNamedNick t1_iuhzw2w wrote

I empathize with that colleague. I beat myself up way too much over the smallest things, and feel like a gigantic asshole when I do nothing lol.

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ChurchofPancake t1_iui4m25 wrote

I think this is much more common - everybody has those embarrassing/guilty memories that keep them up at night 3 years later, but what people need to learn is that in the vast majority of cases everyone else involved has long forgotten the incident, or at least doesn’t actively think about it anymore.

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Leotardleotard t1_iuhrli8 wrote

I’ve been on the other side of this.

When I was at school another kid and I both had very similar hairstyles and were pretty much the only two kids for miles around with this fairly distinctive haircut (it was around the time of Nirvana / Point Break for reference).

Other kid was a semi-mate of mine but also was a bit crazy. I’d regularly get pulled into the headmaster’s office at school asking if I’d done something and we’d quickly ascertain it was the other kid.

Many years later I was waiting to get some money out of the ATM and some guy was before me in the queue. He got his money out, screwed his receipt and threw it in my face. I thought it was needlessly aggressive but let it slide……a few seconds later I got a huge punch in the face, fell over and got kicked in the face for good measure. The guy ran off as his mates were standing there open mouthed and confused. My nose was broken and I had blood pouring from my mouth too. I asked his mates who he was and they game me a name I’d never heard of.

Many (many) years later I was at football with another friend and we were talking about things and i mentioned this event. As soon as I mentioned the name of the guy who punched me my friend immediately knew what I was on about and filled me in on how the bad kid with the same hair had spat in the bank attackers face and punched him about 10 years prior to me seeing him in the street.

Man held a grudge (with good reason) and I unfortunately paid for it.

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lickityslits t1_iuhu9qv wrote

I’m so confused. Why did he attack you?

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Leotardleotard t1_iuhufgr wrote

The other kid who looked like me spat in his face and punched him years previously and he thought it was me.

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MattMason1703 t1_iuhw4ni wrote

So you still had that same distinctive hairstyle many years later?

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Leotardleotard t1_iuhwsx7 wrote

Not exactly the same but very blonde and long into my mid 20’s so yeah, enough to make the assumption that I was the other kid from back then.

We lived in a fairly small town so both of us stood out quite a bit.

As an aside, I’d waited forever to get with a particular girl I liked. I asked her out, she agreed and then bad kid also asked her out so she dumped me for him haha.

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MyFailingSuperpower t1_iuhy1ul wrote

Dude is like those dead old ladies who wore beehive hair into the 2000s.

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Leotardleotard t1_iui73qm wrote

Haha, it was just long blonde hair in a ponytail or loose. Very late 90’s skater vibes.

I can assure you I didn’t look like Kate or Cindy from B52’s

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Fillmore_420 t1_iuhso2m wrote

Someone probably remembers all of us as an asshole for something we legitimately didn’t even do, let alone something you actually did

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JackalopeZero t1_iui5bs6 wrote

At a college reunion one of the guys (who married a girl from our same class) told me that she has hated me all this time for something I genuinely didn’t do

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WorthySparkleMan t1_iuhppl5 wrote

Opposite is true as well. You probably did a nice thing and forgot about it but that someone didn’t.

I remember I was 22 and my mom met an old high school friend of mine. That friend said, had I not helped her everyday, she wouldn’t have passed math that year. I don’t remember jack shit but it raised my self esteem so much. How many good things do you do that YOU take for granted? Probably a lot more than you think.

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edessa_rufomarginata t1_iuhtrgw wrote

I had a guy I knew in high school approached me a couple years ago and thanked me for being one of the few people that he has pleasant memories of from high school. I never thought much of the kid either way and wasn't sure we really interacted that much, but clearly there was something I said or did at some point that made a positive impact on someone that was going through it, and that's nice.

On the other hand, my partner and I were leaving a bar a few months ago and some woman I didn't recognize loudly called me a bitch from the other side of the bar. So apparently I didn't have such a positive impact on her.

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MrMing-NaWen t1_iuhtklr wrote

There was a celebrity who talked about this.

They mentioned how stressful fame can be because fans will always remember their two second encounter with you. So if they catch you on a bad day or didn't see/hear them and think you're brushing them off... that becomes their story of how "X" celebrity Is a total asshole in real life.

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karagiselle t1_iuhwp22 wrote

I remember telling someone about something like that. That celebrities are human too and sometimes we are caught on a bad day, and that I believe most are truly good people. That dude told our mutual friend (I met him for the first time that day), that he thought I was conceited and too opinionated and that I was so dumb to believe that celebrities were “good.”

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Clean-Cattle2452 t1_iuhjjta wrote

Yes, I was an ass hole with her but I couldn't remember, after some months our relationship becomes clear to me. Sorry.

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balrus-balrogwalrus t1_iuhuuq5 wrote

"to the krill, it was armageddon. to the whale, it was tuesday." --Sun Tzu

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patsully98 t1_iuhscv9 wrote

Oh cool I wasn't neurotic enough when I started today, thanks OP.

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MsAnnabel t1_iuhs5j4 wrote

Considering I used to be a blackout drunk, I’m sure there are a lot of someones 😖

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edessa_rufomarginata t1_iuhtyzg wrote

Congrats on the "used to be" part of that statement 💕

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MsAnnabel t1_iuieh1k wrote

Thank you! Yes been 11 yrs now. Had 15 yrs the first time around!

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MrMing-NaWen t1_iuhu73n wrote

Sounds like you have moved onto better things, though. Good for you, that's what matters now.

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KarmaticArmageddon t1_iuhys9f wrote

Yeah... I'm a recovering heroin addict (celebrating 7 years clean this week, actually) and I still find out every once in a while about a time that I was high and was a complete asshole.

It gets easier, though, most people who tell me this stuff nowadays know I've been clean for a while and have already mostly pre-forgiven me. Regardless, I still apologize as sincerely as I can and do what I can to make amends. Being high wasn't an excuse then and it still isn't.

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MsAnnabel t1_iui22eh wrote

Congrats on your 7 years!!! That’s awesome!! I’ve got 11 years now, my second time around. First time I had 15 yrs and blew it. Started drinking again on a cruise. Idiot!! I cringe at the things I do remember! Forgiving myself was the hardest tho. Harder than making amends humbly.

All I can say is never become complacent with your sobriety. That disease can stay hidden for a long time and then come out when you least expect it. Of course I knew better to drink but that old tape “maybe I’m not an alcoholic” is always there.

2

mechapoitier t1_iui5fpb wrote

Yeah I was a blackout drunk for a couple years straight to the point where it rewired my whole personality. I hated being told what I did the night before. I never remembered, and it was always something horrible.

1

Dwestmor1007 t1_iuht409 wrote

As a teacher I think about this all of the time. Kids hang on to the smallest thing sometimes and remember it for the rest of their lives. I remember small stuff my teachers did growing up that I felt was unfair etc. and I wonder what I’ve done that “haunts” some former student

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Rubyhamster t1_iuhxyjv wrote

Heh, I have one of these memories from high school that have actually made a deep mark. On a physics exam, I interpreted one of 5 questions completely different that everyone else. Everyone else had just assumed that the magnet component in the drawing was held up by a wire which wasn't drawn in. I didn't see a wire and solved by those parameters. When the teacher reduced my score by two grades, I had to ask what I did wrong. She said that my solution was completely right if the wire wasn't there, but it "was meant to" be interpreted as being there and she couldn't change my score. I stopped trusting my brain after that, because it didn't matter if the answer was right. My accomplishments was still at the mercy of "neurotypical interpretation".

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scottr82 t1_iuhv0xi wrote

I had a colleague at work who was absolutely fine, but one day started to hate me. Wouldn't even say good morning.

This went on for years, and then she eventually ended up working in my team. We had to communicate a lot, and she realised I wasn't as much of a dick as she thought. Once we became friends she told me the reason why..... I had explained something to her that day, many years ago, with a stupid condescending grin on my face and she didn't like it.

I mean, dude, that's just me trying to smile and be friendly :/

10

MeerkatMan22 t1_iuhlw92 wrote

I called them stupid when they tried to take credit for what I did.

They hated me for the rest of the year

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HippoKingOfOld t1_iuhuwvz wrote

I accidentally farted at an Uber driver. I am sure he'll remember me on his death bed. I shame tipped him exorbitantly high.

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OminOus_PancakeS t1_iuhv7mo wrote

I certainly don't have a photographic memory and it typically takes me much longer to learn something than the average person (unless it directly relates to one of my obscure interests).

But for some reason, I can recall a lot of social interactions. Friends, especially old friends, are often surprised when I remind them of shared experiences they'd forgotten. I'm in my forties now and I can even remember a conversation I had during a walk home from nursery (so I would have been 4 or less).

This means I can also remember a lot of occasions throughout my life - primary school, secondary school, university, various jobs - when I was an asshole to someone. As uncomfortable as it is, I'm glad of this because it gives me a little more self-knowledge and there's a higher chance of reacting differently in the future.

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karagiselle t1_iuhwyxt wrote

Me too, but it’s the stuff of my nightmares.

I constantly replay full versions of conversations and actions at a certain event or on a certain day, and I torture myself over the things I did and shouldn’t have done/said.

the people around me are constantly amazed that I remember so much of it (from my kindergarten years till now), but… I don’t even know why or how.

2

OminOus_PancakeS t1_iuhz48t wrote

I've theorised that because I am very sensitive to what other people appear to think of me, I've tended to remember in particular those occasions that most relate to that concern, both positive and negative. For instance, the nursery memory is my earliest memory of making people laugh, which is a positive (ooh, people like me!).

Your description of constantly replaying the unhappy memories though - that sounds rough. Reminds me of compulsive rumination which can be associated with OCD.

2

Michelrpg t1_iuhvbq5 wrote

I can safely say that if I was an asshole towards someone they deserved it, at least IRL. I found myself constantly walking on eggshells around people due to being very socially awkward until I was 24. And even after that until I turned in my mid 30s, I wanted people to like me, always being careful with what I did or said and it bothered me if people thought I was a jerk.

Now I juat dont care anymore

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JustShibzThings t1_iuhtk11 wrote

I was a very spoiled and entitled kid, and a major asshole in my pre teen years.

Only family with money on my mom's side and got fed up with family stealing from me, so I started mouthing off. Mainly on cousins and their kids that lived relatively far and would travel to come over for family events we always hosted.

Fast forward to my 20s at a family party, and one cousin corners me saying I used to bully him and it made him feel bad back then. He was standing there looking hurt, and I thought he was going to hit me or something, but then he just said childhood is weird.

I don't even remember bullying him ever , since I maybe only met him once or twice before. But I definitely knew I probably deserved a talking to.

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brainbox08 t1_iuhvcno wrote

On the flip side, you've made random strangers days more than you could possibly remember

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Dr_Chalk_PHD t1_iuhra0r wrote

I was at a bar, it was pretty packed and I was coming back from the bathroom and my friend flipped me off. I flipped him off back. My wife told me later that some guy thought I was going to high-five him and it looked like I flipped him off. I had no idea. I have felt like an asshole ever since.

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Atara117 t1_iuhstux wrote

A girl I was friends with 30 years ago found me online, acted all nice, then went on a rant saying I sold her a fake computer. Lol what? So you're telling me at like 10 I made a fake computer, you thought it would work, and I sold it to you? I have 0 memory of this. I do vaguely remember making a model out of poster board for a school project but I wasn't a dick. My sister def would've done that tho. Whatever, she gave people my name and number on some party line and used to do shit with my landline that cost money, like changing rings. I'd say we're even.

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Dwestmor1007 t1_iuhtto0 wrote

I will never forget this one kid in high school. I was always kind of an outcast and kept to myself never really interacting with my peers. The last month of school they called all of the honor graduates (top 10) to the library for their group photo. When I walked in the snooty bitch of a valedictorian said “what are YOU doing here? This is only for smart people”..,,I was 3rd in my class without even really trying my last two years because I was also attending college at the same time (she was not because she couldn’t pass the SAT with a high enough score BTW). I will NEVER forget that moment because I was so proud of having done so well with everything I had going on at home and had never even SPOKEN to this bitch I already felt like a failure at social issues and it just made me feel so small. Fuck you Alyssa I hope you enjoy managing that McDonalds you went far in life!

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ToshiAyame t1_iuhveeq wrote

I got fired over a situation very much like this. I have some memory problems (especially when I'm stressed) and I kept getting hauled into the manager's office over some bullshit off handed comment or another. It would always be days or weeks later, so I had no recollection of what happened and apparently none of the people involved could bother to call me out on their own so I could fix it then and there.

I heard from some of my coworkers that someone went and hid the day I was walked out. I guess they thought I would lash out at them? Joke's on the whole place - I was just happy to not have to crawl out of bed at 5 am to get ready for a job that was killing me and be yelled at by Karens during the holiday season.

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SubMikeD t1_iuhw4lr wrote

Jokes on them, I remember me as an asshole for a million things they probably don't even remember!

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Capokid t1_iuhw6ar wrote

Back in middle school i got seated next to this kid who really didn't like me in science class. One day i was like, "bro wtf is your problem?" Apparently when we were 5 i told him i didn't like him in baseball practice, lmao. Way to prove me right you little shit Marshall.

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Hananelroe t1_iuhwda1 wrote

- "you took everything from me!"

- "I don't even know who you are"

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Shrimp_my_Ride t1_iuhy3ek wrote

I remember it all at 2am when I can't sleep...it's my superpower.

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Cantahente t1_iuhyhtm wrote

That's their problem. People who let you live rent free in their mind are usually the first to be offended by the slightest comment. A perfect example of this. Check out an app called... Reddit 🤣🤣🤣

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cruiserman_80 t1_iuhof1h wrote

Just someone? I was thinking it was dozens of people. What a relief!

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nocolon t1_iuhv1s7 wrote

I know right? This post is great news.

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Rapidblast027 t1_iuhuegu wrote

Yes I met that person. They were angry at me for not signing their elementary yearbook. They kept a grudge all the way to highschool

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mia_chinchilla t1_iuhvig2 wrote

i recently had to apologize to someone because of this, it was very uncomfortable for me tbh

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Maddcapp t1_iuhwqpm wrote

It’s better than hating you for things you haven’t done yet. Ever meet someone who just seems to despise you for no apparent reason?

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Theslootwhisperer t1_iuhxg1r wrote

Years ago I was at a bar with a bunch of old buddies. Unexpectedly we met some other people from our hometown who were visiting friends in the city we lived in. Some of them I hadn't seen for something like 20 years.

One of them tells me she remembered me fondly as a sweet guy, always ready to help etc. Her frond replies that's funny cause I remember you being kind of a dick and very full of yourself. So just be yourself and other people be damned.

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IsThisADream2 t1_iuhykdn wrote

Idk man I psychoanalyze every god damn interaction I have for days and constantly am scared I offended someone or made them hate me so I probably remember what I did LOL

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RABKissa t1_iuhzg1i wrote

Meh most assholes remember me as an asshole for calling them out on their assholery

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karagiselle t1_iui06gp wrote

I just wanted to say how much respect I have for people like you 😂 I wish I could grow a backbone and think that. I just let ppl treat me horribly sometimes and then replay the supposed wrong things I do. Kudos to you for calling people out and being totally cool with them deflecting on you!

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Showerthoughts_Mod t1_iuhj67l wrote

This is a friendly reminder to read our rules.

Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!"

(For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, please read this page.)

Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.

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stick_figure420 t1_iuhr4sg wrote

And my first thought to this is “ well fuck them anyways then”

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hanselpremium t1_iuhx42t wrote

nah. i know exactly what i did that made people think i’m an asshole.

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Tac0Destroyer t1_iuhxb38 wrote

This applies to me so badly I'm a little embarrassed.

Years ago, when I was going through a nasty break up, I had asked a girl out as sort of a rebound date. I knew she was into me for years and I decided to give her a shot because I was lonely and wanting something to help take my mind off the breakup.

I don't remember everything from the date as it's been well over 10 years since, but I remember it going a little less than great. I picked her up, we went out for lunch, did bowling, and then I took her back home. I didn't feel an attraction so there wasn't a second date. And her dad said I got fat since he saw me in high school and that rubbed me the wrong way so I didn't speak to her for a while.

Well a while caught up to me and about last year she's in my life again for one reason or another. The topic of us gets brought up and her perspective of what happened was vastly different from what I remember.

According to her I said I never found her attractive and I went out with her out of pity.

Wow. I was such a complete asshole. I didn't remember saying that at all and I profusely apologized and explained that it wasn't okay of 19 year old me to say that regardless of what I was going through.

We don't talk still

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dexter3player t1_iuhxdwr wrote

I misread "you as an asshole" as "your asshole" and was shocked yet curious what stories other commentator would narrate.

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jrs798310842 t1_iuhxi4p wrote

Thats what pisses me off about my brother.. I know i can be an asshole a times but his constant need to tell me i'm an asshole without him remembering the countless times he's been a bigger ass hole is why we aren't close anymore.

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[deleted] t1_iuhxnho wrote

100%.

I cut a few people off over the years because they were massively hypocritical about important things. They never saw it that way or would attempt to gaslight/deflect. So I cut them off.

They would 100% describe me as an asshole given the opportunity. And I am 100% okay with that.

What other people think of me is none of my business.

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CharlestonChewChewie t1_iuhyqca wrote

I'd also say that the reverse is true. Someone still remembers you for something nice you did/said that you don't remember doing

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sneakacat t1_iuhz0za wrote

There's also the opposite: remembering something awful you did but the other person doesn't.

Someone once apologized to me for a thing, but I had no memory of it. I'm glad they apologized though because then they didn't have to live with that guilt. It also wasn't too bad of a thing, just some rudeness.

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Andrej49 t1_iuhz1i1 wrote

goes both ways.

Knew a guy who i absolutely hated and thought he was the biggest asshole in my school. A few years ago i dropped a dollar bill and he shouted and ran a bit to get to me so he could give me my dollar back. Dont like the guy but ill never forget how harsh i would think of him before that

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jtmonkey t1_iuhz4or wrote

I’m sure. Once I was talking about an ex girlfriend who I really had a good relationship and we were just young and I had fond memories. We even had a pretty amicable break up and conversations later. I was talking to a friend and turned out we both knew this girl and I said she’s awesome. My friend says, oh yeah she does not like you. She said you’re an asshole. I was totally thrown. So. Yeah. I’m sure there are a lot more.

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NoMoOmentumMan t1_iuhzgg7 wrote

The flip side of that is that someone remembers you for a profoundly meaningful act of kindness that you may not recall.

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UnnecessaryAppeal t1_iuhzjoj wrote

Someone also probably remembers when you did something really positive for them that you have no recollection of

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mcjason78 t1_iuhzvrc wrote

True. People remember me as an asshole for things I know I didn’t actually do/say. That’s on them. The best we can do, is to try to live our lives as impeccably as possible, and not be bogged down by other peoples’ opinions of us.

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that_little_dumbass t1_iui06j8 wrote

Nah I guarantee it because I know I'm an asshole and also know that I don't remember the vast majority of my 17 years of life... like I know nothing from before age 12-13 and everything since is a bit of a blur

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Wassayingboourns t1_iui0hzo wrote

There's a guy in my neighborhood who used to say hi every morning then he stopped riding his bike and I didn't see him for two years.

Another neighbor told me that the guy started hating me for some reason and he couldn't articulate why. No idea how it started.

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1-Ohm t1_iui0iih wrote

Yes. I have a cringe memory of a thing I did with zero awareness that hurt somebody's feelings pretty badly. I would have never known if a friend hadn't told me. I must assume I did it lots of times and nobody told me.

A little humility is a good thing. Be actively kind, people. And don't get automatically defensive when somebody gives you negative feedback, because that makes them stop.

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Dannykew t1_iui1am8 wrote

Also, pretty likely that you probably remember when you were an asshole about something and it still embarrasses/annoys you because you know you’re better than that but the other person has totally forgotten.

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GooglyIce t1_iui2k51 wrote

Was told once by someone I didn’t even recognise at all to my face that I was a coward. That was the last I ever heard from that person.

In a way it’s a lot worse than I make it out to be. I used to be very careless because I thought I’d seen or could at least imagine the worst of it when in fact growing up has taught me to be a lot more careful. I didn’t disregard dangers or even try to be avoiding, I figured at the time that it would be worse for me to drag people down with the sorry state I was in and that no matter your perception, there’s always more things at play than preparedness or perception allows and that it’s skewed from time to time.

When people would stand up for me I didn’t choose to stand in the back, I’d been pushed there and even threw myself into the fray when I saw no way out for the ones around me.

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princeofid t1_iui2owp wrote

Give a man the reputation as an early riser, and he can sleep til noon.

-Mark Twain

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husky1actual t1_iui57r2 wrote

I'd like to apologize on behalf of humanity. Most of us are going to do better.

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mdude07 t1_iui6vp2 wrote

Many years ago, I worked at a call center. I don’t like to order pizza over the phone so the job was hell for me. I would try to do everything the call center managers wanted me to do. All they cared about was numbers. Get through your list for the day and keep your calls under 5 minutes - 10 minutes max. Your customer service score also need to be above a certain mark. I learned how to verify the person and run through my script and would hope they didn’t have any questions. One day, a guy picks up. I verify him and start my script. Before I can get through the first part, he starts calling me an asshole with other obscenities. Confused, I tell him I’m sorry and tried to figure out what I had done wrong. He then explained he was upset because I didn’t ask how he was doing before going through my script. I apologized again and asked how he was. He said we were past that now and to just get on with the script. After the call he hung up a dissatisfied customer. A few days later, I had to call him again. Verified him and made sure to ask how he was doing. He told me to shut up and get on with the call. So I finished my script and asked if there was anything else I could do for him. He said I was the worst rep he has ever talked to and would curse my name till the day he died and then hung up. From that day forward, I asked everybody how they were doing. I saw an increase in my satisfaction score that I attribute to that one line. That guy probably doesn’t even remember me, but out of the thousands of people I called, I can only remember his voice.

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bflannery10 t1_iuiarrb wrote

During a coffee break me and a coworker, Steve, went to get coffee for the whole crew. Steve is a very kind hearted guy. We got the coffees and on the way out he accidently dropped his. Considering the coffee place was very busy, he just said, "I'm not going to have them make it again,let's just go." We got back and some of the other people said "Steve, where's your coffee?" I cut in and said "They made it wrong so he threw it at the girl behind the counter and they kicked us out." Everyone laughed knowing it was a joke, we finished out break and went back to work.

Cut to a year and a half later. On a different crew with a couple of the same people minus Steve. The boss says Steve is joining us the next day. One of the guys goes, "Really? I heard he has a temper." Everyone looks at this guy like he's insane. "When we were working that job last year he got kicked out of Dunkin donuts for throwing a coffee at someone that made it wrong."

The guy went a full year and a half thinking Steve was a psycho and trying his best to avoid him because I made a joke.

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Arge101 t1_iuidr2n wrote

An ex once phoned me up out of the blue and wanted to go for coffee.

Whilst there she apologised for everything she had done whilst we’d been together. I had no idea what she was talking about

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