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Showerthoughts_Mod t1_j1wrg0m wrote

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Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!"

(For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, please read this page.)

Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.

1

skunkadelic t1_j1wrlqq wrote

I appreciate plenty of the things my wife does on a daily basis.

781

Slime_Giant t1_j1wwe3e wrote

I appreciate what my parents did for me and what my wife continues to do for me. (Edit: I have no children)

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everwonderedhow t1_j1wyvph wrote

As a parent it's up to you to make it so that your kids appreciate what you do for them and later what their SO does for them.

It is achievable and personally gratefulness is the single most important value I want my children to know and feel, so that they can always be grateful towards who deserves it but also feel if someone is not being grateful to them when they should.

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SuumCuique1011 t1_j1x06ez wrote

The first part will be true. After a divorce, the second part won't necessarily be true.

It's much easier to blame any and all difficulties with the child on the dead parent.

The more you know 🌠

2

Yourfaceis-23 OP t1_j1x0g7e wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#1,104,174)

My father raised 4 kids being a single parent. I’ve thanked him because I don’t think I’d be the parent I am today if it weren’t for him. I have 2, am divorced and my boyfriend and 3 of his kids live with us. A verbal thank you goes a long way. My ex husband thanks me for all I do (now) more than my boyfriend does. Just frustrated and venting lol

0

voicebread t1_j1x44fw wrote

This isn’t a shower thought, it’s just depressing…not to mention largely untrue. Sorry you feel this way OP

343

SuumCuique1011 t1_j1x44yk wrote

Replying to Yourfaceis-23 (#1,104,336)

That sucks and I'm sorry to hear that.

Part of the reason I don't want to start dating again is because our dynamic works for now and I don't feel the need to date. She's off doing her thing. I want to spend as much time as possible with my kid. He might get more angsty and hormonal at some point, but I want to at least build that solid base of trust and communication so that he can come to me to talk if he needs to.

It sounds like your ex isn't a total POS. I don't know your situation, but I would hope you guys can work together to keep that ball rolling.

I may be totally out of line here, but if you're already living with your new bf and his kids, you've got to have a mutual partnership and understanding with him and his kids.

You're a team living in the same household. Keeping a household running has to be a team effort, imho.

I wish you the best of luck.

4

Anxious-Marsupial89 t1_j1x62xw wrote

Or the opposite. I now have a kid and I’m realizing how traumatic my childhood was and how I was legit neglected. It’s caused a lot of internal turmoil.

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LordDerptCat123 t1_j1xbbi0 wrote

They’re the same, though. You appreciate what your parents do for you once they stop doing it

6

MyspaceQueen333 t1_j1xe0s7 wrote

Not always true, but sometimes. My 18 year old son is very vocal about what he is grateful for that I did for him. He makes me cry sometimes with a text out of the blue or a response to a post on fb talking about how much he loves me and feels lucky to have me. He's a good kid. I'm lucky to be his mom.

36

[deleted] t1_j1xg1ay wrote

The amount of former children, with children of their own, who have zero concept of value toward anything beg to differ.

But also, my partner and I show appreciation for everything we do for each other daily. And usually in the moment.

24

BrewtusMaximus1 t1_j1xnhja wrote

Replying to SuumCuique1011 (#1,104,268)

My ex wife didn’t appreciate everything I did house and kid wise until we divorced - and she then didn’t fully appreciate it until she moved with the kids an hour away and I went from having them half time to every other weekend.

5

beloved_wolf t1_j1xobwc wrote

If your spouse or S/O doesn't appreciate you, they are a bad partner. That's not how healthy relationships work.

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Brightwing9 t1_j1xpm8o wrote

Lol this is based per person. My wife and I always let the other know how much we appreciate everything the other does

19

kryzlt009 t1_j1xqd7n wrote

Not true in my case. I know it's not specific to asian culture but looking back at almost 3 decades, I was just born as their retirement plan. I would never ask my future children to work for me.

5

Tanagrabelle t1_j1xzccp wrote

Erm. Well, the inherent difference is that the spouses and SO generally aren't going to "have a spouse or SO of their own" to appreciate how hard it must have been for you before you're gone, unless you or they weren't good partners.

In general, though, the spouse or SO who doesn't appreciate a good partner is not a good partner themselves.

10

divinely_xa t1_j1y05f0 wrote

Ao went away for a week from my long term bf & realize how much negativity and stress he adds to my life. Now got to see if we can work on this. Fml

2

skunkadelic t1_j1y0tmy wrote

Replying to ackermann (#1,108,261)

When she lets me know her and my daughter are spending the night at her parent's house, I am always initially happy I get the place to myself, but by the end of the night I'm bummed out because nobody is here. The presence can be just as important as the things they do.

42

scooterjb t1_j1y2fja wrote

My husband does an obscene amount of wonderful things to make our lives fun and exciting and comfortable. And I tell him every day. I am very aware of his contribution to us.

Sorry you don't think that's possible but it very much is.

22

Master-namer- t1_j1y2nt5 wrote

Ok OP it seems like you have some issue with you spouse. I understand the importance of my wife and thank them for their immense love and support time to time, same with my parents and many other people i know.

9

IceFurnace83 t1_j1y33nr wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#1,106,414)

I mean, If I ever get a chance to put my mother in a home, it's not gonna be a nice one. My partner has mentioned a few times that that woman will never be left alone with our future children.

I could literally copy+paste your second sentence as it applies.

6

takethesefriesaway t1_j1y4sm2 wrote

I have appreciated my parents always. They go above and beyond for me since I’ve been born and am now close to 40. My spouse thinks I shoot rainbows out my ass and thinks I’m the greatest thing that walks this earth. I realize this is an opinion but so not truthful for a lot of people.

3

Shooppow t1_j1y88tm wrote

If your spouse doesn’t realize/appreciate your effort, it’s time for couples’ therapy or a divorce!

1

Darkflame815 t1_j1y8peb wrote

Untrue, I appreciate my parents and wife and what they've done for me, and I'm still childless

5

Aggravating_Sell1086 t1_j1y9r6r wrote

Kids don't know what life is like as parents until they have kids. But people who get married remember what life was like before being married, after they are married.

I guess if you left home and got married immediately, though - this could be true. I spent a long time living on my own before getting married, and I definitely know enough to appreciate my wife.

7

droppedelbow t1_j1yckp2 wrote

OP needs to realise their issues are not universal, and not assume everyone's relationships are as miserable as their's.

2

JohhnyTheKid t1_j1ygwhn wrote

Replying to Salt-Tangelo-9152 (#1,107,915)

Also the constant emotional (and sometimes physical) abuse was really fucked up. Like how do parents think that assaulting their child is preferable over simply sitting them down and explaining the situation to them and what they did wrong? Kids are humans, they understand reason.

36

turbopro25 t1_j1yhfef wrote

Replying to skunkadelic (#1,109,453)

Wow. This couldn’t be more true. I enjoy when they are out running errands for an hour or two, so I can unwind or get some stuff done, but a whole night with an empty house makes me feel empty inside.

18

Ghaladh t1_j1ymlbc wrote

Replying to icarusso (#1,110,803)

You don't have children, I suppose. Do you think parents who deserve praises do the bare minimum? Some walk the extra mile all the times. To be a decent parent all you have to do is feed and educate your children and care for them. That's all nature demands. There is a lot more that gets done beyond that and no sense of entitlement could be rightfully diminish the value of what's being done

−24

melonsango t1_j1ynken wrote

I have kids of my own. I can't imagine ever putting my kids through even one instance of the abuse that I faced. It took for me to have children and love them enough to want better for them, to realise that my parents were absolute monsters.

5

eleanoreli t1_j1yo27y wrote

What? Are you in twrrible relationship where you arent appreciated? Brah break up :b

1

Myrdrahl t1_j1yoagj wrote

So, you're saying I'll never appreciate my parents, as I'm never having kids of my own? I'm sorry, but you didn't think this one through.

2

LittleFairyOfDeath t1_j1yr18v wrote

Just because you had bad spouses or were a bad spouse doesn’t mean every single one is that way

3

yeetgodmcnechass t1_j1ytx1y wrote

There are plenty of people with garbage parents/guardians who definitely don't appreciate the shit they put them through.

1

Cakeminator t1_j1ywg2b wrote

Replying to beloved_wolf (#1,107,641)

People take things for granted quickly in my experience. I even do it myself with my wife , and her with me. It's not necessarily a conscious thing and we do discuss it if it becomes a problem.

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Sleep-system t1_j1yx3ff wrote

My appreciation of how devoted my mom was is the reason why I'll never have kids. I have no interest in giving that much of my time and energy to children.

2

_Blackstar t1_j1z1moh wrote

I appreciate plenty of things my parents did for me despite the fact that I don't and won't have kids.

2

Jetztinberlin t1_j1z6aq2 wrote

Replying to Yourfaceis-23 (#1,115,571)

If you've discussed it openly and plainly, and he understands you feel underappreciated and hasn't changed as a result, then... he's telling you making you feel appreciated isn't important to him. As you can see from the comments here, it is very possible for partners to show appreciation to each other. So you have a choice: maybe the lack of appreciation is a flaw in your relationship you can live with because other positive aspects balance it out, and maybe it's not.

2

QSlade t1_j1z6b2b wrote

Correction: shitty spouses or SOs. A good partner, hell, a good person absolutely shows that they appreciate you in general.

7

whyunoletmepost t1_j1zdv9h wrote

Yep, unfortunately I have noticed there is a definite balance to how much is put in and how appreciated I am. Put in to much and the appreciation goes down. In fact my appreciation levels were at there highest when I returned after a separation and I even experimented with "giving it everything I have" and the appreciation levels just kept going lower and lower. I dont think this is always the case, I think it just depends on the person.

3

GabiTGB t1_j1ze7y4 wrote

Or the third option the kids grow up and realize their parents were shit.

3

JuiceJones_34 t1_j1zg280 wrote

I had an amazing childhood. Loved every bit of it. My parents divorced in junior high and although I still had loads of love and support, having divorced parents is very impactful.

Now having my own kid I understand how hard it is and how much it can take it’s toll on a marriage like my parents.

My wife and I realize this and still make time day in day out for us and our own interests and still prioritize each other after the kid and not just 100% of our son.

Although watching my parents divorce was the hardest thing for me as a teenager, it’s also become the single best thing for me in my adult life from a learning standpoint.

3

Beyond-Time t1_j1zjsna wrote

Replying to JohhnyTheKid (#1,111,654)

It's clear you don't have children. I don't condone hitting as a means of discipline as there are more effective ways of getting your point across. If you think all kids can just be told, or understand reason, you are way off the mark. Rude awakening when/if you do end up having kids.

−12

oldcretan t1_j1zjzey wrote

My wife and I regularly share our appreciation for the little things. I make it a point to try to thank her for anything I can because I know I miss so much.

2

Strain128 t1_j1zkn75 wrote

First time my kid puked in the car, finished cleaning him up and called my dad right away to thank him for being a great dad

2

Setheran t1_j1zkrhe wrote

Replying to icarusso (#1,110,803)

I can be thankful when my parents gave me WAAAAAAY more than what is rightfully mine. Especially when every single penny they earned was spent on my sister and I.

Yeah parents do owe us when they bring us into the world, but good parents who do more than what they should deserve to be praised, and being grateful doesn't mean I'm thankful because they gave me a roof and food, which of course I'm owed.

31

oldcretan t1_j1zm7mz wrote

Replying to Ghaladh (#1,112,444)

I understand where your coming from in regards to the demands on parenting. It's no easy task to be a good parent and it's common to see parents who do a shit job by doing the bare minimum. Where I disagree is with the need to show gratitude. My parents never asked for gratitude from me and I will never ask it from my two kids. Being a good parent is first and foremost a duty, going above and beyond as a parent is a part of that duty. You don't get a thank you for doing your job. That being said I always give gratitude where I can because I am truly grateful for people who do things for me. I regularly remind my parents that I'm grateful for what I am and that their love, hard work, and lessons made me the person I am today. I credit them for all of my successes.

Secondly it's evolutionarily beneficial for me to do my best for my kids so they can be the best people they can be. I don't expect gratitude for something that benefits me.

8

Red_Lily_Shaymin t1_j1zn7hh wrote

Kids at least have the excuse of not having a fully-developed brain yet. Spouses/SO's who are ungrateful pricks should know better than to take someone for granted.

2

LincolnCassiusClay47 t1_j1zq9la wrote

I have a 3yo and a 1yo. Both boys. My mom was a single mom and raise me and my brother. I called her a few months back and just said “thank you”. She did so much for us and worked so hard and we never appreciated it growing up. We couldn’t appreciate it. We were selfish kids. All kids are. That’s not a failing on a kid’s part, that’s just part of growing up. You realize empathy and how to put yourself in someone else’s shoes when you get older, it’s just a part of life. I’m so thankful I had my mom growing up and I’m doing everything I can to be a good dad, even though I know they won’t appreciate it until later.

2

40ozSmasher t1_j1zs016 wrote

This is painfully true. I've had two girlfriends say I didn't do much in our relationship. So I sat down and wrote out everything I did for them. Both told me to stop. I kept writing and left the list out. One used to stop and read it often. It was almost like she had to reassure herself that I did all these things for her.

3

Lovely_Tuna t1_j1zt0jh wrote

Replying to Beyond-Time (#1,118,395)

That's an absolutely fucked thing to say to someone who was beaten as a kid.

And I strongly disagree with your suggestion that hitting a child is a less-effective form of discipline. Beating a child does not get your point across at all, unless your point is that you are an abusive person, not safe to be around.

7

pyromnd t1_j1zzf6j wrote

Yup, my ex and her mother still try and call me to fix up there house, or change their car battery and stupid shit they can’t do cuz(I’m a woman) bs. Glad I can now charge them for it :)

3

FairyDemonSkyJay t1_j200s76 wrote

My partner has told me she appreciates all I do more times in the span of a few months then my parents have said "I love you" in my whole life.

3

StabbyCat108 t1_j204re2 wrote

My grandparents to my mom and dad: I hope your kids are just as awful as you when you have them!

Me: was born with a large fear of displeasing people and was an only child so there were no siblings to be compared to so in the eyes of my parents, I was an absolute Angel

My parents:

3

rmslashusr t1_j206wzt wrote

Replying to JohhnyTheKid (#1,111,654)

Assaulting a child is obviously wrong, and it doesn’t work. You also can’t just “reason” a two year old out of a tantrum. They do not understand reason yet, and even if they could calmly reasoning with a fully grown adult doesn’t usually break through a tantrum either. You have to acknowledge their feelings and make them feel heard first and then there’s a variety of ways to move on from there depending what the cause is. But if you think you’re just going to reason people out of misbehaving whether their children or coworkers good luck being disappointed haha.

8

metamorphosis___ t1_j207qzv wrote

Replying to Cakeminator (#1,113,913)

Fr its almost human nature to begin to not notice what you consider the norm, you could argue we take our eyesight for granted but in reality its just been there my whole life why would I celebrate it every day, its more true in long term relationships too.

6

Solrinin t1_j207rt1 wrote

Replying to Setheran (#1,118,567)

I think for the most part, parents get the kids they deserve. If you were a good parent, your kid will probably learn to be grateful and show it. If you were a shitty parent your kid probably won't be. And usually the parents I see bitching about their ungrateful kids are the ones that think they did a good job because they "provided a roof and food for them growing up".

3

metamorphosis___ t1_j209xy5 wrote

Replying to Cakeminator (#1,122,998)

I love my girlfriend we been together for 7 years and we just moved in together and I definitely had some growing up to do i definitely took my mom’s willingness to cook clean and overall pickup after us for granted lol and its been an issue the first week but ive grown from it.

3

LeahKabeah t1_j20bcdy wrote

So what I’m hearing is that, with a 3 year old and a 3 month old and no terminal illness…. I’ve got a loooonnnnng wait.

2

MissyAnneAnde t1_j20d0h8 wrote

If you have a SO that doesn’t appreciate you before you’re gone, you have the wrong SO.

3

mlh75 t1_j20gjvm wrote

I had a crappy childhood so I made sure I was super involved with my ex’s kids because he couldn’t care less. Now that we’ve split, the boys mom still lets me see them because they love me and she appreciates everything I did/do for them.

3

Beyond-Time t1_j20haig wrote

Replying to Lovely_Tuna (#1,124,409)

"I don't condone hitting as a means of discipline as there are better ways to get your point across"

Who are you trying to fool? Hitting is not an answer to unruly children, and they don't always listen to reason. Why are you acting blind to my post?

4

Idiot_Savant_Tinker t1_j20iv4v wrote

What? No. My wife is the source of everything good in my life. I started dating her 15 years ago yesterday and that's the dividing point in my life where everything started to get better. She's kind, she's compassionate, she's the best therapist I could ask for. She's beautiful, she has striking blue-green eyes, a little nose, and skin so clear that people assume her pictures are photoshopped. When she is in the room, there isnt anything else around, there is only Her. She's completely uninhibited in bed, and the only times we aren't trying to undress each other after going to bed is when we're recovering from the last time we undressed each other.

I'll never stray from her, there is no other woman who can give me what she has. Since I've been married to her my life has felt like a fantasy, some wonderful dream that I'm worried I will wake up from. I don't deserve someone so wonderful, but she loves me and I will make sure every moment I can to be good enough for her.

2

Lovely_Tuna t1_j20m3v7 wrote

Replying to Beyond-Time (#1,124,490)

'Literally' has a specific meaning.

I felt like I was standing up for the other poster, and calling out the implicit abuse in your message. No fooling, no acting.

And I'll say it again, hitting your child WILL NOT 'get your point across.'

Hope your kid(s) eventually find a good therapist.

0

Golden-Sun t1_j21lf1h wrote

I mean I've got no kids and I sure as hell appreciate my parents. My older sibling may treat them like shit but I sure as hell wont

2

StabbyCat108 t1_j24wbm0 wrote

Replying to Yourfaceis-23 (#1,123,579)

The funny part is that my parents were both…in emotionally abusive households that told them this, and I’m kind of a saint in comparison to the trouble they got into as kids. They were told that their kid was gonna end up just as awful and then…then they got me lol

2