Submitted by TIFUweddingday t3_11bp92f in tifu
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Comments
seasamgo t1_ja01c95 wrote
Bruh I'm not even joking, I'd be so mad lmao. There were no fuck ups here, beyond planning to force guests through an expensive all day event and then feed them a rabbit sized meal. Idk about this though:
>She's completely out of her mind and I don't know how to stop her
OP needs to see the light because fiancée sure is not the one out of their mind.
Debaser626 t1_ja0flua wrote
I personally don’t get the “huge, long-ass, and expensive” wedding thing.
No one likes them… except for the people charging for services and space, the couple and maybe the parents of the couple.
I’ve been to a few of these and they are just horrible. I don’t care that you rented a horse drawn carriage and 20 doves, but it’s like 90 degrees outside and now everyone has to sit around and wait because it’s gonna rain for the next hour.
I love going to backyard weddings. There’s friends/family… maybe a 10 minute ceremony and then you hang out for several hours and leave the happy couple to their future lives.
seasamgo t1_ja0k5vz wrote
I feel you. I do get why some of the people getting married might like that. Maybe it's their natural preference, maybe it's just what they imagined due to having it marketed to them since an early age, but everyone has their own desires. I even enjoy being at some those weddings if they were planned in ways that make them enjoyable for guests (i.e. not a fly-to destination wedding at the equator during the most humid season and with peak sun).
But mostly I think they're just a flex and kind of annoying.
tke494 t1_ja110af wrote
I kind of think it's just because it's pretty, etc. Now, it's nice for Instagram, etc. In more classic terms, it makes for a nice visual memory of a day. But, it sounds like in practice, a lot of the memory of the day would be about the arranging of complicated things that often go wrong.
My wedding was just signing some paperwork at the Family registration center(Taiwan). My wife had had a traditional wedding with her ex. Not fun. Mostly just a chance for her FIL to do business.
Pame_in_reddit t1_ja18myq wrote
Weddings were the best time for me when I was little and we planned to make it the same for the children that were invited. Seeing them running around, playing, surrounding the chocolate fountain and asking for the fish butterflies on the wedding cake made me happy.
Leovaderx t1_ja0kn4j wrote
It depends on region. Some places do 500 snack plates, some places the families compete for the most stupid sized wedding. Some are 7 day long events. There are ways to do it like that properly. Butbsome people plan big and either get lazy or cheap out.
Debaser626 t1_ja0mnad wrote
Right… in some social circles or cultures it’s a part of a long tradition and is fully expected and welcomed.
When I got married we had (between savings and what was gifted by family to spend on our marriage celebration) about 20k.
We spent about 5k on the wedding (attire and rings included) and the rest on the Honeymoon.
The ceremony was on the beach totaling 30 minutes, and then a reception at a nearby restaurant.
We had people have the option of RSVP’ing to one or the other or both.
We were both on the same page about doing a quick ceremony and spending the bulk on the Honeymoon… 10 years later, it was and still is the best “vacation” I ever had.
No financial worries about spending and having a bunch of expensive random experiences…like getting a penthouse suite at a 5-star hotel for one of our nights there (and then going back to the cozy B&B for the rest of the trip) just to see what that was like once in our lives.
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hmbritt t1_ja1u98i wrote
I had a backyard wedding, and probably a 10 minute ceremony like you just mentioned. Tons of food, alcohol and music. It seemed like everyone had a blast and stayed pretty late. We had people there till midnight.
bedrooms-ds t1_ja3gwtd wrote
I always feel it weird that my generation is in a financial crisis, yet spends money worth a car or two on a wedding. I mean, if the same money went to investment it'd be a better marriage preparation.
Pame_in_reddit t1_ja17a1z wrote
Right? I feel specially proud that at my wedding only one guest managed to taste everything. People complained for a week that they couldn’t eat the lamb (served at ~midnight) or the soup because they had stuffed with the desserts. People saying that they couldn’t enjoy the dinner because they ate too much at the cocktail. People saying that they missed the chocolate fountain because they only had a little space left for the wedding cake.
I agree with the father completely, if people are giving you their time you give them choices.
grubas t1_ja1vfy2 wrote
The one wedding we attended like that was a legit nightmare. Everybody was dealing with indigestion and the afterparty was effectively people finding chairs and panting heavily.
We had more than enough food but people were running back to their tables for food cause everybody was dancing.
bullintheheather t1_ja0xh69 wrote
Fiancee was the one who wanted it in the first place.
FromThe732 t1_j9zyyh4 wrote
My cousin did this at her wedding. My sister and I skipped the afterparty and went to a diner because we were still hungry.
I_suck_at_Blender t1_ja0esc2 wrote
This. Learning from other people mistakes is wisdom.
[deleted] t1_ja33mcl wrote
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Leovaderx t1_ja0k52g wrote
There is a time and place for everything. Fast wedding no food? Sure, just warn me. Only snacks and fast? No problem.
But if its a proper wedding, expectation range is: leave stuffed to 5 days straight eating contest, depending on where its happening.
darkcomet222 t1_ja007hf wrote
Look, if you have ravioli, you may reveal the formuoli…this needs to be a wedding, not a funeral.
Wahots t1_ja2eha4 wrote
If this being served, I'd respectfully ask the bride and bride if I could lend a hand and then kick in the door 45 minutes later with giant buckets of KFC to save the day. If the father in law wants to leave stuffed, he shall leave stuffed, goddammit.
Consider the KFC an extra wedding gift on me xD
[deleted] t1_ja0c8o9 wrote
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BckOffManImAScientst t1_j9z6kko wrote
I get that you want to serve fine food but is this at least a sit down service? My sister in law did something like this but it was buffet style and no one understood that what was out was it for the food. They had 100 guests and ran out of food after the first 25 guests went to the buffet. Their wedding was beautiful but 75 people were there for 5 hours with no food (and just alcohol).
I_suck_at_Blender t1_ja0fgb2 wrote
>5 hours with no food (and just alcohol).
That have the potential of turning really fast into "Red Wedding" from ASoIaF or GoT.
Frecklefishpants t1_ja0ga7w wrote
Friends of ours did a “heavy starters” style buffet and a few guests asked when dinner was.
BckOffManImAScientst t1_ja0job8 wrote
I feel like the timeframe of the reception should indicate how much food is provided. 4-5 hours should be a full meal.
CheckIntelligent7828 t1_ja2mab3 wrote
Especially with an open bar. We had one guest drink so much he wound up in the ER (he was fine, it was indigestion) and that was with hors d'oeuvres, full dinner, multiple desserts and cake.
[deleted] t1_ja1xthi wrote
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[deleted] t1_ja1trkz wrote
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horrifyingthought t1_j9zwiyc wrote
> this at least a sit down service
This just means 100 guests go hungry, rather than 75 hungry guests and 25 full ones.
NattySocks t1_ja01ar7 wrote
Ah I see what you're getting at, that's smart. At that ratio the 75 hungry guests could easily overpower the 25 full ones and eat them if things got too dire.
snazzychica2813 t1_ja09t35 wrote
Big "Ross, the largest friend" energy here
FerretCannon42 t1_ja1y2hg wrote
“It is true what they say… women are from Omicron Persei 7, men are from Omicron Persei 9”
MrDrSirLord t1_ja10iub wrote
I love the idea of the first 25 people all eating 4 person's worth if food each and the just rubbing it in the faces of everyone who got there later.
Darryl_Lict t1_ja14ib7 wrote
That's really weird and probably poor planning. For buffet style I'd try to go overboard rather than have guests go hungry. Still, the first guests should limit themselves and then go back for seconds if there is food left over. That said, I've never been to a wedding that was short on food.
spicewoman t1_ja1w2cz wrote
They probably eyeballed the amount of food laid out, looked at the number of guests, and thought there was guaranteed more servings of everything, because otherwise there'd only be enough for like a 1/4 plate of food per person.
spicewoman t1_ja1vwfe wrote
I really doubt they managed to pile up 4 plates worth of food onto one, though. It sounds like the rations were planned out for basically 1/4 of a plate of food per guest (1/2 plate if we're being generous), and the guests just took normal or a bit over.
PuzzleheadedTap4484 t1_ja1x8tq wrote
That happened at a wedding I attended. But it was a catered dinner. Our table was skipped on dinner. We saw the cake being served up and realized they completely skipped our table for dinner. When we flagged the waiter down they apologized and said they ran out of food but could make us some sandwiches. We asked how they run out of food when all the seats had name tags on them so you literally knew how many plates you needed to make? The bride and groom (who was our coworker) came over to say hi and were asking us how dinner was and were horrified when they found out we never got food. They spent $40k on this wedding. 🤷♀️
bros402 t1_ja1ndfy wrote
My cousin had a BBQ truck come to her wedding and they served tiny little portions of almost undercooked chicken
most of the desserts were baked by my aunt (..she is not the best cook)
it suuucked, it was 105 degrees out, 100% humidity, and I had done chemo a few days before
0/10 the first wedding I have been to was not a very good one
especially when my grandma intentionally dehydrated herself and decided not to eat so she would collapse because she didn't want to leave the wedding when we wanted to leave (6 hour drive)
SheSellsSeaShells967 t1_ja1v58q wrote
That sounds like absolute hell!
bros402 t1_ja1wdna wrote
yuuuuuuuuuuup
and the wedding was at some fancyass manor, too
it's not like a backyard wedding or anything (Her father is a doctor, her mom a psychologist, and she and her wife are well off - earn enough to qualify for a mortgage for a ~500k house and have no student loans)
SheSellsSeaShells967 t1_ja1wr36 wrote
Those are the worst! My BIL’s wedding cost $30,000 back in the 80s. I still can’t believe it.
[deleted] t1_ja1w6ob wrote
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arlondiluthel t1_j9z1l7f wrote
Not an f-up.
You caught a potential problem when there's still time to make changes to mitigate it. You should thank him for the heads-up!
UnadvertisedAndroid t1_j9zbllp wrote
I don't know what "haute cuisine" is, but it sounds like it's pretentious solely for the sake of being pretentious, which is a super-niche kind of thing. Forcing that on a bunch of people who took time out of their schedules to share your day with you, especially if you're also making them travel to do it, means you should really consider offering them real food, and at least 2 options that cover the majority of potential tastes. I hope OP was only being dramatic with "2 ravioli on a leaf of lettuce", but even if that is dramatic it still sounds like the reality of that food is to make a statement, not fill a hungry belly. Weddings are not the place for that.
ESGPandepic t1_j9zd4ba wrote
>it sounds like it's pretentious solely for the sake of being pretentious
Turns out you do know what it means =)
Dylsnick t1_j9ztl0c wrote
Your grasp of French is formidable. That's exactly what "Haute Cuisine" means.
BysshePls t1_j9zz4mf wrote
Me running to Google and that is basically exactly what it means 😂
melli_milli t1_ja09rsp wrote
FIL had a hunch of her daughter's choise of food and wanted to say something without being pushy. There was no f up here, this is a saver.
It really is a f up to not serve people food that makes them feel full in a whole day of partying. It is not fancy if people are getting grumpy and dizzy for not eating properly on your special day.
arlondiluthel t1_ja0h8ht wrote
Agreed. I love what my wife picked for the catering for our wedding (a pizza food truck!)
melli_milli t1_ja0i3t3 wrote
I think if someone had very light diet and are small overall it can be hard to realize how bad it can be for a big man or anyone who needs actual energy from food to deal with the whole day of party time. Imagine having busy week, not enough time to cook and eat properly, maybe some physical work included. Then you take the drive to a party and what you most of all want is to enjoy good food that you recognise what it is.
I am not diabetic but if my blood sugar drops it gets bad. The day should be all about celebration and happiness. Fancy food seems more like a image thing than keeping people energized and happy.
If they won't have enough energy to drive back home after party that is the only thing they will remember. Eating burger on gas station risking getting stains in the fancy clothes.
I cannot understand why OP feels like she fd up.
grubas t1_ja1w07j wrote
You need enough to feed people, enough that nobody is hungry, and enough to soak up the copious amounts of booze being consumed. Too much and you run the risk of food coma-ing the party.
One of my cousins went all out on food, tons of stations, lots of rich food, and nobody could get up to dance, and the drinking was subdued to hell, spent 3 hours in my bed clutching my gut and my wife was hoping she'd just throw up. Next day reporting from all sources was heartburn, indigestion, etc..
melli_milli t1_ja20tzc wrote
Haha is there no self-control in your family ':) Then again I also get this weird "eat as much as you can" with buffés.
Good point about alcohol, if they serve some the lettuce wont help.
BlazingHadouken t1_ja1p75w wrote
One of the best weddings I've been to was a 15 minute ceremony, toonie bar (so booze was stupid cheap but not quite free), and initially served a comfortable amount of catering for dinner—it was definitely enough to feel like you had a proper meal, but a hair on the light side. Then about four hours into the reception, just an absolute shitload of delivery pizza shows up. Everyone still at the reception was at least a little greased by this point, needed to eat again, and was not in a place to have another proper sit-down meal. It was absolutely perfect, like manna from heaven. I highly implore anyone fretting over food at a wedding to adopt this approach.
The best weddings I've been to followed the same game plan: 20 minute vaguely-Catholic ceremony, later got the marriage blessed by the church so nobody had to sit through an actual Catholic wedding, open bar, single round of appropriately-filling catering with an extensive dessert buffet (same side of the family, and we have a savage hereditary sweet tooth).
Leovaderx t1_ja0lc85 wrote
Also, you can do fancy and filling together. Just do light situp finger food as a greeting, sitdown 50 bite sized fancy courses, then some family style lasagna for the hungry ones.
Everyone is happy..
horrifyingthought t1_j9zwc5c wrote
This wasn't a fuck-up, this was a wake up call. It was caught early enough to change and adapt, so this was a good thing. Your fiancé is right, it needs to change.
Change caterers - you have time. And yes, if I were a guest and you served me some minimalist artisanal nonsense that left me wondering when the main course was going to arrive I would be pissed too. Your fiancé is right, I would judge the ever loving shit out of you both.
r0botdevil t1_ja1zo07 wrote
Absolutely agree.
This isn't a fuck-up yet. But oh boy it sure will be if they go through with their plans to serve their guests silly, artsy niblets instead of an actual meal.
DJ_Rand t1_ja2n73x wrote
This is correct. You should only be doing this, serving breadcrumbs with drizzle toppings, if literally both families are rich as shit and are used to that sort of thing, otherwise you will greatly disappoint the people that show up, especially if they have to go out of their way to reach the destination with no where else to get food, and your guests really shouldn't need to rely in getting food elsewhere if you are going to have them there most of the day.
danielv123 t1_ja2jbcb wrote
Ordering pizza is better than starving people.
DonnaFrejya t1_j9z6pww wrote
I don‘t know if you‘re looking for suggestions and I don‘t know a lot about weddings, but I was at my second one last year and it was fancy and so was the food. But there was a Buffet at 10 or 11 pm and it was the best thing ever, right when everyone gets slightly hungry again we could strengthen ourselves for all the dancing. Maybe there‘s a more casual food that means something to your relationship that you could offer as this after dinner snack (eg like hire a pizzatruck) so nobody leaves hungry. It may even loosen up the atmosphere if some people are unsatisfied with the haute cuisine. Alternatively you could not care about these people and enjoy your day as you please (but I strongly suggest the late night snack/buffet either way, it was a huge hit!) Have a nice wedding!
kinnikinnikis t1_ja067et wrote
I've been to quite a few weddings where there was a super formal meal at 6 to go along with speeches and that part of the evening, then around 9:30 or so, second dinner was served and was usually sandwiches, dessert trays, greasy finger foods, and the like. Definitely a big hit, especially when a lot of folks have been drinking for a good portion of the day and they need something in their bellies to help absorb it all :)
Im_a_knitiot t1_j9zyqig wrote
We had a buffet for dinner and then a huge goulash at 11. And our wedding cake was made of ice cream. Everyone was happy with their food, though I had barely time to sit down and eat 😅
Vipershark01 t1_j9z70yy wrote
As someone fluent in father-ese, I can tell you that he was talking about the quantity of the food, not the quality. I can absolutely assure you that if you put enough food in front of them, they will be happy.
Isgortio t1_j9zdkof wrote
Yeah if I go to an event and get given enough food to only feed a 4 year old, I'm not gonna be impressed, especially if it's an all day event. If the guests are going off to get food elsewhere or are ordering in delivery then there's definitely not enough going around.
RadJames t1_ja2q0wn wrote
Gee what gave that away him literally saying he expects to be stuffed? Haha
VoxR4710 t1_j9zt2ku wrote
This wound up being so boring and trivial that i'm inclined to break the reddit code and speak negatively. Sorry. But like what the hell. So change the food /thread lol
Coral2Reef t1_ja07fwv wrote
Honestly? I'd be pretty mad if I showed up for a wedding and was treated with the ridiculously small portions characteristic of supposed "fine dining".
A wedding is not only a ceremony to unite two people, it's also a celebration of their bond! By this logic, you should eat like it's a celebration, damnit!
But hey, that's just me. And your fiancee's dad, evidently.
SafeToPost t1_j9zydie wrote
As a fat guy, all I have ever wanted at a wedding was for 20 minutes after the fancy but too small portions of dinner finish, dozens of pizzas to arrive so everyone can lose their minds with delight.
toodlesandpoodles t1_ja0udh2 wrote
Pizza is exactly what I was thinking. You have dinner, do the toasts, cut the cake, and start the dancing. Two songs in, a bunch of delivery guys comes dancing through the door with stacks of pizzas and the guests go crazy.
Ixolich t1_ja1qyes wrote
That honestly would leave me with a bad taste in my mouth. Unless it was literally so much pizza that it clearly had to have been planned in advance, it would strike me as "Oh, they realized after dinner that they messed up on the catering budget and are frantically ordering pizzas to make up for it".
I was at a wedding last year where there was a standard dinner from 5-6, and then at like 9 they set up a table with about 200 sliders from White Castle. Clearly planned in advance, and enough time between the dinner and the second dinner that it was awesome. If pizzas started showing up at a normal pizza delivery time after the dinner, it wouldn't have the same effect.
swoonderfull t1_ja1yt3t wrote
Dunno why this is getting downvoted; a lot of us would think it and maybe just not say it out loud….
UltHamBro t1_ja2nr3r wrote
Last year I went to one where we had a traditional, sit down full dinner at around 9 pm, and then at around 2 am, when everyone was at the dance floor, they started bringing hamburgers. It was awesome.
Aminar14 t1_ja345dp wrote
Depends. When my cousin did it it was on the schedule for like 10pm.
Aminar14 t1_ja342n5 wrote
My cousin did this. Probably a little later than I'd have liked, but it was still awesome.
rpapafox t1_j9z9dau wrote
Your father literally stated that he did not want to leave hungry. As long as there are enough appetizers and food available to go around, he will be fine.
jello-kittu t1_j9z440g wrote
He's probably fine with ravioli and lettuce, he just wants a lot of it. Is it a buffet table (where he could load a plate, more than once), or like served plates with a small portion that would make him possibly embarrassed to ask for more?
horrifyingthought t1_j9zwxiv wrote
Haute cuisine prices the two ravioli with a lettuce leaf as a full meal though, so trying to buffet style haute cuisine both defeats the point and would be ruinously expensive. It really is something that should only be for people to self select into, like when they chose to go to a restaurant focusing on that style. Otherwise it's just a recipe for a bunch of hangry guests.
howard416 t1_ja0ou01 wrote
A wedding is not a place for haute cuisine. It's a place for chicken wings, lasagna, unlimited salad, and cheesecake.
Warlordnipple t1_ja1t7pm wrote
Only if you love your family. If you hate them go for the haute cuisine.
xyzzy01 t1_ja39hyb wrote
Serving good food rather than junk is nice... but there are ways of doing it.
Either with a buffet, or if you have a set menu with many dishes, the usual way is that the last pre-dessert serving either has a way where the guests can add more food, or have second helpings .
I'd be so disappointed if I had any of the things you mentioned - other than the salad - but customs vary.
rapkat55 t1_j9zfdma wrote
Man I really wish my life was in such a place that things like this counts as a serious fuck up lol
lucrac200 t1_ja06fnd wrote
I mean, the guy is right.
GurthNada t1_j9zyqbd wrote
Honestly OP, the "two raviolis and lettuce" option really sucks for a wedding. You and your bride will not be relaxed enough to enjoy it, and most guests will probably not very care much for it.
JimiSlew3 t1_j9zad8g wrote
You got this OP. Just make sure there are enough leaves with ravioli around and you're good.
Trouble_in_Mind t1_ja0481g wrote
Haute cuisine is nice if you're into it, and either a massive joke or torture if you aren't into it. I wouldn't expect haute cuisine at a wedding, and I would likely have to go out and eat afterwards because I'd be massively unsatisfied. I'd try not to leave the party early, but that would honestly depend on how recently I ate beforehand.
Congrats on the upcoming wedding, but as long as changing the caterers doesn't set you back more financially...I'm not gonna lie, you'll VERY likely have happier guests with a more robust cuisine.
I_suck_at_Blender t1_ja0cwfr wrote
I think You TIFU months ago when "2 ravioli on lettuce" was considered great idea.
Today? You probably saved your wedding from hungry guests GTFO early. You have few months to change or add catering items, probably without switching company.
justiino t1_ja0mahu wrote
Your Father in Law was just being honest without being pushy about the wedding. Like your Mother in Law saw, she had intrusive family, so they are taking a step back.
I’m with the FIL on this. Everyone will remember your wedding if they went hungry; not how “nice” the food looked.
I had a 4 course meal at mine, with a dessert to follow. Appetizers and catering was also provided. People loved the food; and there was plenty leftover.
He just wants you to know that although you want to have this haute cuisine, to consider how the guests will feel when they’re starved to death because of lack of food.
You didn’t mess up anything, he’s just telling you to keep this in mind - without being intrusive.
ISlicedI t1_ja04t9w wrote
It is your wedding, and thus your choice, but I'd not want guests to go hungry. Make sure there's tons of snacks before and after dinner if dinner itself isn't going to be that filling. You have to remember peoples appetites vary massively and it's a big stretch of time they are around. We had snacks -> multi course meal -> midnight snacks
chOLEsterin t1_ja0tafc wrote
I cant stress this enough but please dont do haute cuisine for your wedding
Haute cuisine is almost entirely for the looks and so you can say u eat fancy
This is a party, a full day party - make sure people are full or its gonna backfire heavily on you, you dont wanna deal with grumpy and unsatisfied people on your wedding day, so try to mitigate it the best way possible
Haute cuisine in general i dislike so im biased, but i cant for the life of me understand why you would prepare food for the sole sake of being fancy
rmprice222 t1_ja0in6g wrote
To me it sounds like the quantity is what he's after.
Natural-Garage2487 t1_ja0vs9a wrote
Tbh today you did not fuck up but saved y’all some serious drama on the day and after. GOOD JOB. THIS IS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE. Also I’m gay and I’d be so mad if I was expected to survive off my gay audacity and two lettuce pieces.
hadriantheteshlor t1_ja0z3gi wrote
this is the least relatable TIFU I have ever read. People are paying for your wedding? And you are somehow bothered that they have input on the FOOD?!
reluwar t1_ja0sjuy wrote
Go eat haute cuisine together.
And get nice and plenty of food for the wedding.
Or go with 20 ravioli on a lettuce leave .
BoringTruth7749 t1_ja0gpso wrote
At least she'd be serving ravioli on a lettuce leaf instead of in a jelly jar or on a pile of taxidermied baby ducks or on a shovel head. That kind of bs really pisses me off.
rhymes_with_snoop t1_ja0sfck wrote
Not a FU, y'all needed to hear that.
I would be upset if I sat through all of that and got fed two bites. It's cool if you like that (and it's your wedding, so eat what you like), but there will be A LOT of guests who will be unhappy (not angry, just not happy) at the reception and probably have that as how they remember it.
So if what you are going for is "it's my party, I do what I want and the guests don't matter" then go through with your plan. It's your wedding. But if you are looking to have your guests enjoy themselves, maybe have some consideration of your guests in your food choices.
Comfortable_Will955 t1_ja1376d wrote
Make the food as abundant and filling as you want the love in your marriage to be! More food! More food! More food!
Wubbalubbadubbitydo t1_ja17a5i wrote
Op you’re wife isn’t out of her mind. You are if you think she’s wrong.
Delicious food was a requirement for my wedding so I get caring about good food. But her dad is right, people want to be well fed.
DeffSkull t1_j9zzfic wrote
There is a middle ground where you have "haute" cuisine for everything except for the main course.
Apps, various courses, dessert. but then have a massive bowl of pasta for the main course.
amanda_mac1 t1_ja0adl0 wrote
Maybe do a late night snack! My fiancé and I are doing a chicago dog cart to come out around 10 pm (getting married in Chicago). We aren’t going to have enough hot dogs for every guest because we don’t expect each person to be hungry again after our reception meal. But, late night snacks have become super popular and could be a fun way to add filling food without compromising your haute cuisine.
Jacqtjakaa t1_ja2fe2t wrote
Well i had a big diner but if you have people who like to dance they are gonna get hungry. My late night snack needed to be filled for the third time and we had three kinds of snacks. (And yes i had one for everyone but still thy wanted more because they liked it haha)
cobrakazoo t1_ja0yd8q wrote
there have to be cheap catering (buffet/always available) options to offset your choice of cuisine.
pizza bagels? pigs on a blanket? pizza rolls? wings? whatever the cultural equivalent is, please please find something for your guests so that they don't starve.
an open bar is only good as far as their stomachs are full. you do not want the drama from 2 pieces of ravioli on lettuce + 5 shots.
[deleted] t1_ja15cw1 wrote
There is nothing worse than someone telling you that they will feed you dinner and then they serve a tiny ass portion of something or a snack. I don't understand it. Especially if you know that's not how the hosts normally eat. Please feed your guests.
osunightfall t1_ja17h3x wrote
Serving the food you personally like at your own wedding seems like a mistake. You want to serve the food that your guests will enjoy.
ProfMooody t1_ja19ke3 wrote
This was such a journey.
StaleTaste t1_ja1b541 wrote
Still time to change the caterer. Honestly your FIL is probably right, it would be a good idea to serve more food.
Kailmo t1_ja1f95r wrote
Change the caterer. Do it ASAP. People want to eat and they want to drink. If you are serving me two bites per course I better get 15 courses.
snarual t1_ja22v19 wrote
You didn’t fuck up. Your fiancé’s absolutely idiotic notion of appropriate wedding fare is the fuckup, and thank goodness someone pointed it out in time to change it.
Let her have her asinine snob-food party with a bunch of 60 pound elderly rich ladies who will actually enjoy the experience and not have to stop at a frakkin McDonald’s in the way home to make their stomachs stop rumbling. Find an actual wedding caterer and ask them for a few options that are actually popular at weddings, and enjoy success and happy guests instead of resentful hangry guests followed by your fiancé breaking into tears from realizing that the only thing about your wedding day that the guests will remember is the lack of food and her breaking down because her attempt to show how special and high class she is failed miserably.
Juuna t1_ja2u2og wrote
Lmao stopping at McDonalds remind me of almost every fancy family dinner or event I ever had as a kid. We would leave while I was still starving and then my parents would get mad at me for still being hungry but also didn't let me order a second entree during dinner either because thats unheard off... So I would always beg for a burger or something afterwards. And then usually my dad would also order food at wherever we stopped because actually he was also still hungry...
snarual t1_ja5v2ow wrote
Yeah, a friend of mine was invited to a very expensive restaurant for helping a very wealthy old woman with her Wi-Fi issues. He said he was the only person dining there who wasn’t a birdlike elderly woman, and that the food was fantastic, but it left him hungry enough that he stopped at a McDonald’s as soon as he left.
I enjoy experiential dining, degustation, tasting menus, experimental food, modernist cooking, etc, but only if I’m expecting it, and if there are enough courses that you aren’t starving when you’re done. Did one at MoMA and it was great, but we had a large breakfast knowing we would enjoy it more if we weren’t so hungry we didn’t take our time. Did a chef’s tasting a cruise ship a few years ago and that was worth every penny, not only was it excellent and fascinating, most of the tastings were at least 2 or 3 bites. It was enough that we took the last dessert back to our cabin.
And that was fantastic… but I was expecting it, looking forward to it, planned it.. didn’t have it sprung on me after sitting through a wedding and being expected to stand around being social for hours. :)
casualsubversive t1_j9zwiww wrote
That's the most random statement. "Denver the Last Dinosaur" was a two-season, non-hit cartoon that came and went before you were even born! Was it weirdly popular in Europe or something, like Scrooge McDuck & the Duck Tales universe?
rhymes_with_snoop t1_ja0vxq3 wrote
I loved that show so much and your tone concerning that masterpiece irks me a bit.
Not only was he our friend, but a whole lot more.
casualsubversive t1_ja0ym81 wrote
But they're 29 and in Europe! I'm 39 and American, and I only saw the show on VHS!!
Collins08480 t1_ja1te6x wrote
I do believe it was the father that made the reference initially.
casualsubversive t1_ja1uks0 wrote
Yes, but he would only have made that reference because he felt they would know it.
Also, he's to old for that show—even if he fathered her at 16.
Collins08480 t1_ja2u7hy wrote
Ahhh no people just make references because it occurs to them. Its an off the cuff thing and other's don't always get it. People with shared interests hang out and often do get them, but its not a given. People don't have to be the target audience to be aware of the existence of something. I could reference anything from Howdy Doody to Paw Patrol if i wanted, to invoke a certain kind of image. But hell if I've ever seen the shows. I only know them from the zeitgeist.
Stacy3536 t1_ja0c33t wrote
Seems to me it was a good thing you kept talking so that now you know that the food you had planned will not be adequate. I think your fiance is right that yall need to change that but if you decide to continue on as planned be prepared for people to leave early so they can go eat real food. Also be prepared for people to call in food in bring in outside food to your venue
eilb3 t1_ja0gc2p wrote
The dad definitely has a point. Pretty sure most guest would rather have enough food than fine dining.
onyxaj t1_ja0hwv9 wrote
Carb load and add protein. Pastas, rice dishes, etc is the cheapest way to fill as many bellies as possible. Keto dieters or those with celiac may he out of luck, but you can't account for all dietary restrictions. Add a couple fruit and veggies trays and you're golden
wisehillaryduff t1_ja0nvja wrote
This isn't a TIFU. It's today I was given forewarning to change my plans and avoid a fuck up. A TIWGAFWCMYAAAFU?
drillgorg t1_ja0qrdu wrote
Oof. I married into a part Italian family. Whenever we eat with them there is about 3x as much food as the people at the dinner could reasonably eat. When we host parties for friends my wife is deeply uncomfortable with "only" 1 pizza per 2 people because "what if most people want to eat more than half a pizza each?" On the other hand when I went to my cousin's wedding (in rural New England in the US) they served enough food for everyone to have one plate but not enough for seconds. My wife was scandalized that seconds weren't an option.
single_malt_jedi t1_ja13l0l wrote
I have to agree with dad here. If I spent all the time, money, and effort to help give this union a great start and all I got was some snobby finger food I would be pissed. It doesn't need to be 5 star or avant garde. Simple, with good ingredients, and enough to satisfy.
KingNyx t1_ja17o95 wrote
Lmaooooo I wish I could see his face when he showed up and got 2 raviolis on a lettuce leaf. He would 100% think that shit was personal
Abject_Anxiety_28 t1_ja1bff0 wrote
Ugh, I hate parties that leave me hungry. 🤣🤣🤣 Honestly, the weeding can suck, but if the food was awesome, everyone is going to just remember that. Oh, and the music. That’s basically the only important things.
LizzyPBaJ t1_ja1fvqe wrote
Here’s the thing. I’ve heard lots of married couples complain they didn’t get to eat at their wedding cause there wasn’t time. And you should be aiming to please your guests. Get some different catering and use the money you are saving on haute cuisine catering to take you and your new wife to a Michelin star restaurant on your honeymoon, it will be more memorable and you won’t have your FIL attempt to murder you both on your wedding day.
l_ally t1_ja1izjx wrote
I wouldn’t serve fancy food at a wedding. I’d save the fine dining to date nights with with spouse. Wedding food isn’t like going out to dinner — wedding food is always subpar for what it is and people are so busy with festivities that they don’t even fully remember the food. I wanted my guests to feel good (no greasy food) and I wanted to make sure to accommodate dietary restrictions, so we ended up with restaurant catering from a really good Mediterranean place. I didn’t worry too much if it was remembered but people still tell me it was the best food they had at a wedding.
StateOfFine t1_ja1oue4 wrote
Please don’t serve that.
izzo03 t1_ja2p0iy wrote
You are extreme lucky this came up in a discussion, the attending Italians would be furious. They stuff the cards full of cash, in return you need to make sure their bellies are stuffed. OH! And make sure you have bread, plenty of bread!!!
Weddings can be expensive and when booking caterers they charge even extra for weddings but on top of that you chose to pay even more for plates with minimal food just for the presentation. You might not need to worry about switching caterers unless this is the only menu they offer. Ask for menu adjustments and extra bread being for the Italian side.
I attended a wedding where the invitation failed to mention that it was a stand up, finger food reception. Food came out every 5 minutes by a waiter carrying a tray. Came out of the kitchen door, was put on a table and cleaned up in seconds. Everyone was hungry and uncomfortable. People started to leave early, met quite a few at the nearest McDonald’s. Put a lot of money in the card to fight for food and and spend more money on food after the event.
No_Love_1353 t1_j9z8u16 wrote
Oh, this is beautiful! I hope you two have a wonderful wedding, reception, marriage, and life!
freemason777 t1_j9zrgw4 wrote
Hot dogs and burgers are cheap and you could just put it on one side of the catering line and the fancy fancy stuff on the other side.
jackburnetts t1_j9zygnt wrote
you could compromise and have the good you’d like and then more filling food for the guests. you could also have food trucks come in the evening to serve food for those who feel hungry still. or have a big dessert table. or have lots of snacks in cocktail hour!
there’s so many options!
Blaze749 t1_ja0bnl5 wrote
Maybe do a late night food buffet, with like fast food, or more quantity over quality stuff? Goes well with drinking
SoftDev90 t1_ja0cxkh wrote
I am going to have to agree with future dad in law here. Anytime I have gone to weddings and spend all that time and money only to get a salad bar or something I feel hangry and irked a bit. Yes it is your day and everything is about y'all, but at the same time, to me at least, its just common decency to fill the guests up for their time and efforts to come celebrate that day with you all as well. Just asked my wife and she agrees as well with my sentiments and your future father in laws. You can still offer little higher end dishes if you want, but have something else on the side for people that want to eat their fill and enjoy themselves. You definitely don't want a mass amount of hangry guests on your hands.
Boaroboros t1_ja0emo6 wrote
We had a wedding that spanned over 2 days - first day was „official“ with 4 families involved.. (30 guests) and the next day was basically a big party with 100+ ppl.
As we got stuffed like chickens on the first day, we decided for a very nice dinner on the second (soup / fish or vegan and dessert) - and some guests were outraged because they wanted to eat more 🤦🏻♂️ there was also a never ending supply of chili and sausages later btw.. didn’t help. But you cannot make it right for everybody, make it right for you first and try so satisfy the people whom you really need to in order to have a great day.
This was no FU, this was a day with valuable information!
Kitu14 t1_ja0od6d wrote
Are you French, by any chance ? I'm getting a very "50yo French father" vibe from your father-in-law haha
tosernameschescksout t1_ja19egs wrote
Ask them to prepare a few dishes that the father will love. The father can be very honored by being asked exactly what he'd like to enjoy on this fine day.
bros402 t1_ja1mcoq wrote
yeah, you should make sure to have filling food. You can have fancy food in good portions.
tell me that at least you are going to have filling desserts
Lone_Vagrant t1_ja1rkmw wrote
If the food is good and guests are well fed. They will leave happy. If they are still hungry they will complain about the food, or lack thereof, then nitpick about the quality of the food, then nitpick about everything and anything else.
Get them stuffed with good food and they will disregard any mishaps on the wedding day.
Collins08480 t1_ja1srk3 wrote
Serve the menu you want and have a side table with more filling party food for guests to graze on, to bulk out the menu. You definitely don't want people to leave hungry. If its something like a tasting menu then people will be hungry. But you can have a second round of food that is more humble while the reception continues- carby, affordable tapas. Just make sure guests know its coming so they can enjoy the nice meal without worrying about how little food or if they will even like it.
Throwaway021614 t1_ja1vrt1 wrote
Now I have the theme of Denver the Last Dinosaur running through my head.
Good times.
Congrats on the wedding, op. It’ll all work out. Actually, try to spend as little as possible on the wedding, save it for a house or add it to your retirement fund or go on a fucking extravagant trip. Weddings are stressful, spend as little as possible on the one day of stress.
blazingsword t1_ja27i8z wrote
Denver the last dinosaur! He's my friend and a whole lot more!
GenericElucidation t1_ja1wjr5 wrote
What the hell is a "vulgar laugh?"
supagirl277 t1_ja1xpyh wrote
Honestly I think it’s a bit selfish to impose your food preferences on the bride when it was her wish to have a fancy haute dinner for her wedding. If you’re just there for the food, it’s as if the wedding itself is a chore for you and you’re going because you’re being rewarded. Like, what?
Bark7676 t1_ja1zoqz wrote
FIL is right. We had a hot dog cart at our wedding reception. Drunk people getting hotdogs made for happy guests
RustyKjaer t1_ja1zwdx wrote
I'm sorry, but I'm with your dad on this one.
ghostfeather69 t1_ja203zu wrote
Why dont you want to feed your guests well?
selfmadeoutlier t1_ja22k7m wrote
As southern Italian, if you have plenty of southern Italian guests, yes. Food is really centric in the celebrations and expectations are high..and I can guarantee, people will remember and talk about it for years and years...all based on food *
Nevertheless, the wedding is yours and it's your decision...you do not have to accommodate all the guests,it's almost impossible, but at least it's important to serve alternatives based on the different diets (vegan, celiac, kosher, halal, etc)
In any case, something that we use to do nowadays is a huge starting buffet with different specialities... from diary products to cold cuts, raw fish, pastas etc... (People usually got stuffed there). Then, only one first dish (pasta) One main (meat/fish) Pre dessert
Then
Dessert buffet
Cake
This formula is working a lot, people are always happy, and it's not like in the past where tons of food was wasted.
Anyhow, that's valid for typical southern Italian. the rest of italy usually they eat way less. If you are afraid of it, you can always be heavier on the apero. But please, quality is the main pillar, and in case of buffet, it should be supervised, with waiters serving.
coupl4nd t1_ja26ez4 wrote
his conservative family
Some projection going on here somewhere.
_pc_-_-_ t1_ja28gfc wrote
Op doesn't realise that not everyone eats as little meat as her and her fiancé.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Jacqtjakaa t1_ja2f0pv wrote
Well i agree . The fancy diner stuff you can do together but when a wedding day comes you make sure your guest are ALL liking it, that nobody leaves hungry and that there are drinks going around all the time. My only big rule was on my wedding ...nobody gets to be hungry or thirsty. I made sure the whole day there was small things to eat, enough cake, ebough drinks and when diner came everyone had pre chosen their meal. (Meat/fish/chicken or vegetarian). It's got nothing to do with conservative it has everything to do to Celebrate with your loved ones and making sure they love the day. Believe me you won't like if people talk about your wedding bad afterwards and they will do that when the food not good. People still talk bad about my uncle's marriage because we went to the Chinees afterwards as everyone was hungry 🤣🤣
byzantinedavid t1_ja2ffl0 wrote
Her father is right...
ErnieAdamsistheKey t1_ja2yad0 wrote
Unless you are absurdly wealthy and can have your wedding at a 3 Michelin star restaurant, the caterers are not going to execute anything near haute cuisine. I have been to very expensive weddings where this was tried with caterer and I can still recall the trauma I had over the texture of the pretentious ravioli. Your fiancée’s dad is right. Sorry.
[deleted] t1_j9zt8ff wrote
[deleted]
Chewable_Vitamin t1_ja1d2zw wrote
If FIL has a sense of humor serve him a double portion on the wedding day lol.
Mcrells t1_ja1jyx0 wrote
Haute Cuisine is fine for a wedding if done right. I've been to weddings with haute cuisine, and it was amazing. When you eat at a haute cuisine restaurant, usually you'll get at least 7 servings and you will feel very full after, and you should at the wedding too.
If you're planning on not having enough courses, make sure there are some filling snacks not that long before and after the meal. This could be pizza afterwards. At one wedding I was at, it was hot dogs and it was awesome :)
ceelogreenicanth t1_ja1npa6 wrote
High Cuisine is delicious
nck5959 t1_ja1tubu wrote
Lame
DaddyCatALSO t1_ja1uh0i wrote
I dislike nouvelle cuisine myself but i feel that i cna reclassify the wedding meal as a snack and if i'm hungry after I'll get something (I know food in italy is relatively expensive compared to the US) That's my answer to people who complain about vegan wedding meals as well. I really hope your future father-in-law was just making a sincere but basically gruffly humorous complaint (I often do that,) and not making a threat.
FrankenPaul t1_ja24im5 wrote
Word of advice, it is your wedding day. You must enjoy it. So should the guests. Save the haute cuisine for yourselves in your own privacy. Cater for your best according to their taste. Your guest are their to champion and celebrate your day, that in ludes both sides of parents and extended families. It's important to have tranquility and harmony on your wedding day.
eXclurel t1_ja2bqzu wrote
If the invitation said there will be food service I would expect actual food to be there. Especially if I am coming to the wedding from another city/state/country.
GingerVitus215 t1_ja2fwul wrote
We did an all you can eat breakfast. Pancakes, breakfast sausages, eggs, hashbrowns (home fries or whatever they're actually called,) and bacon. It was great.
DameNeumatic t1_ja2h16g wrote
Haute cuisine is a minimum of 7 courses (dessert is one of the 7) but Escoffier, who invented haute cuisine, defined it as 17 courses. Making your guests wait through 7 -17 courses is almost as bad as not feeding them enough.
Have the haute cuisine in a buffet where servers dish up the correct servings. Putting 16 small servings is going to fill a plate quite full. 17th is wedding cake or cupcake.
hungryhungryhibernia t1_ja2mhxp wrote
Yeah, haute cuisine is not appropriate for a wedding. It’s really tempting to look at all this food and pick the dishes that you personally like, but I always keep in mind would my grandmother eat this and would she enjoy it and have enough food. Wedding are only really remembered for their food and any drama, and a lack of food is only going to creat a lot of hungry and drunk guests.
UltHamBro t1_ja2nvon wrote
I was expecting a sad story, and what I found was quite wholesome.
ChampionOfNurgle t1_ja2qw44 wrote
I don't particulary like high cuisine. I worked as a chef and made the fancy stuff, we in the kitchen made better stuff for us then what we served cuse we didn't have to follow a recipe and the portion could be bigger. Like, who tf eats only 4 king prawns, that is not enough. Also, fancy food is overhyped. You can make extremly tasty food with cheap ingredients.
Anyway, I agree with the father, when I go to a wedding I expect tasty food and enough food. It is ok for it to be fancy if I can get more in case the portions are small.
While it is your wedding, if you decide to invite people make it clear what they should expect so they can prepare. EXACTLY because it is your wedding you should pay attention that the memory that remaims is a good one.
Penelope_Ann t1_ja2v1be wrote
That's fine for people who also like 2 ravioli on a lettuce leaf but there should be other, more traditional foods for guests who are expecting an actual meal.
RFavs t1_ja2zgkp wrote
Coming from an Italian family and having catered with my father. The first rule is “no one goes home hungry”. Haute cuisine is fine as long as there is lots of it. Or throw in a pan of peppers onions and sausages with some rolls😋
kaskudoo t1_ja2zj81 wrote
Just have good food. It’s your wedding, who cares what the guests want? And to be honest, this is just one clearing day in your and the guests lives. People will not remember how much food was there, but how beautiful the couple was. Don’t stress, get what YOU want. And enjoy!
black594 t1_ja31fu6 wrote
You can do a fancy diner but still have enough food for people, or a lot of serving. In the last wedding i was they have some poutine after diner. Guess where im from lol.
Ball_Masher t1_ja366vu wrote
The fuck up here was choosing 3 courses out of an 18 course tasting menu and calling it "dinner."
LexHokata t1_ja3c4rx wrote
Yea food is a big thing. No fuck up s here bc you mentioned it early. You did a good thing tbh. You now have time to adjust catering.
SaraAmis t1_ja3k142 wrote
Serving something to your guests that you like but they don't is neither kind nor hospitable.
Change the caterer to something you know most people will like. (Ask parental advice). Use the money you will probably save to splurge on the fanciest, "presentation"- ist, Michelin -star-ist meal you can afford...on your honeymoon. Everyone is happy.
DavidPatrickNewell t1_ja1sx22 wrote
Not sure why you think her parents have to pay for anything whatsoever. If you’re free to buck tradition, they are too. More gratitude and understanding by everyone is a good idea.
JagoKestral t1_ja1uk6u wrote
OP literally nevery indicated that the family has to pay, she said they offered, are only paying half, and her family is also paying half. Did you even read the post?
mtl_jim t1_ja15q60 wrote
My advice to anyone getting married….Do what YOU (the couple) want to do. Stop trying to please everyone. If people who are important to you both actually care about you, they’ll be there, no matter where it is or what food will be served. It’s YOUR wedding. So what makes you happy. Fuck everyone else’s opinion.
psgrue t1_ja0i0pu wrote
Keep the catering service. At the reception, have door dash bring pizzas (or whatever their favorite food is) and deliver to their table. For less than $100, you can fill them up, keep your catering, and have a funny story that embarrasses them a little.
KaydGameplay t1_j9zto4j wrote
Gay
FriendoftheDork t1_j9z50wd wrote
OK I'm pretty tolerant on gay marriage and people being who they are, but 2 ravioli on a lettuce leaf would probably upset me as well.
(ok joking but really why not serve some filling food as well? If the guests have to go to get a hot dog or burger after, is that a good thing?)