I’d suggest marriage counseling if you don’t want to lose her. You crossed a line by looking in her phone which to me at least shows a lack of trust. Lots of fences to be mended and I wish you the best OP

She's already gone. Even if she has broken it off with the other guy and is just resigned to being married to you, she clearly doesn't like you, and she can't unsay the things she said. Get a lawyer, since there are kids involved.

I dont care she can have everything

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Dude, you are entitled to know what your wife is up to. The fact that you're feeling guilty about it demonstrates that you are neither overbearing or controlling, but rather taking steps to verify or dismiss suspicions.

With that said, you have a big problem. If you do nothing, she will absolutely drift further away until leaving you is a very easy decision. You need to confront her and demand she make a decision: to stay married and keep the family together, or get divorced and split the family apart. Her being faced with that stark decision MIGHT get her to snap out of it. If she decides to split up the family, then you'll know and can move forward. If she chooses to stay and make things work, then it sounds like you both have a lot of work to do.

Ignoring the problems and beating yourself up for figuring it out will NOT solve anything. Demand her to make a decision and own it. Obviously let her know which choice you'd prefer, but there should be no confusion that its HER decision and it needs to be made NOW.

One more reason to get a lawyer.

Divorce time buddy. She's already checked out.

It’s over. Sorry pal. Better off in the long run. If she was willing to do that shady shit behind your back and wasn’t decent enough to come at you face to face and end it, she’s not a good person. Get yourself some therapy and get yourself together, get back on your feet and live for you and your kids.

Bro, I know her, and if I gave her an ultimatum, she would by default choose divorce just because I gave her an ultimatum.

Ya, I am currently in therapy. Thats what the therapy is for but man its hard

It takes two to work at a marriage, and it sounds like she isn't. It will be more painful for you to suffer a slow death to the relationship if she doesn't want to fight for it.

Do not resign yourself to this, there will be life after and you do not want the regrets and bitterness of handing her everything you are entitled to as your partnership ends and she moves on.

I understand. Cliche as hell but it gets better. Find the things that make you feel good, and utilize it. Same with friends and Family for support.

Oh she'll move on in a heartbeat

Normally I would say ya, but this won't be the first time we broke up, she dumped me senior high school and I did not take it well. And life definitely did not get better

And now you’re older and wiser. I’ve been there in some sort of sense, felt like there was nothing, drank myself in to a pit of despair (and an extra 25 pounds). I hated everything and felt like nothing was ever gonna change. I also found myself repeating out loud a lot “ I don’t deserve this”, and I was right. And chances are you don’t either. I could keep on with the normally sayings and what not but reality is- you get one shot at this life, and you wanna waste it feeling this way for a person who sounds like she wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire. Gotta love yourself man. It’s the only way.

I just don't care anymore

She knows you know that. Call her freaking bluff.

Articulate exactly whats happening and demand a decision.

- what a broken home does to kids

- her and the kids' stability with you vs without you

- facts about this 'grass is greener' guy: at the very least he doesn't respect her marriage now, so what makes her think he'd respect the institution if THEY get married

- ......

If you do nothing, you're marriage is over and you'll suffer. If you give her the ultimatum, there's a chance to fix things. If not, your marriage will end, but you can start healing

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What do you mean?

I don't think you fucked up. If it wasn't this, it would have played out the same anyway, dude.

I'm really sorry, bud. It's a shitty deal.

Uhhhh... him looking at her phone shows "a lack of trust"? Did you see any other violations of trust in his post? 'crossed a line'??? gtfooh

What grade are you in?

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Interesting, what do you mean terrifying? As in what's the point of relationships?

Listen bud you gotta storm the fucking beach and take her by surprise. Go to a lawyer QUIETLY get the divorce drawn up QUIETLY and let that cheating bitch know that YOU want the divorce. Don't let her tell you any different. You deserve better. Leave that pass around and focus on making the best life you can for your kids. You'll be happier than you've ever been before

Speaking from REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE

Who the fuck snoops through their wife’s phone? That’s probably the single most personal item any of us own so yes to me that is a clear violation of trust, but hey what would I know I’ve only been married for 6 years

Edit: to add, I’m not saying the use case of your spouse hands you their phone to look at something, I’m saying you take their phone without their knowledge and look through it. That’s some shit parents do to a kid, not what a trusting spouse should do to their partner.

You need to realize you can't treat a marriage, children and a divorce like a teenager treats a shitty breakup. It's your life and your children's lives involved, grow the fuck up.

He thinks she's going to murder you or something, or get her new dude to do it.

At this point fuck it

No one is entitled to anyone's privacy though. Normal adults talk and come forward when anything feels wrong in the relationship. But deciding to go through her phone says so, so much.

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Lol, guys wife is straight up cheating on him and talking shit about him to another man and you’re acting like she’s the victim 😂

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Hol'up

kinda old to be checking your wife's phone but now that you do know. hey counseling if you want to fix things

Interesting that you’re choosing the side of the cheating woman over the guy who just wanted to know the truth. Especially with kids involved? God damn.

I can understand not caring about the house and car but your kids? You don't care about your kids? No wonder there are problems in your relationship.

Bait? Man I hate to say it but leave

Have you actually talked this out with her. As in how you feel, your issues in the marriage and how to overcome them?

It sounds like you both did some bad things based on your post, but if you are both open to actually working on them, therapy maybe then you can maybe work this out, but it has to be both of you together.

Can she get over what you did (assuming, since you say it's your fault, that something happened that lead her to this)

But can you also get over what she did. She made a choice and had some sort of relationship with this guy, can you see past it?

This is a 2 way street where both of you have to be fully on board or you both need to walk away.

Good luck!

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Who do you think I was referring to when I said "normal adults come forward when there's something wrong in the relationship'?

She gone man. She gone.

It sounds like the marriage has been over. There are red flags from both of you in this one.

Y’all motherfuckers need to empathize. Dude said their marriage was in a bad place and he went and deliberately looked for shit. There are a million ways to mend that fence that doesn’t involve being a petty ass that steals her phone and snoops through it. That is some jealous ass teenage shit. Maybe it’s me, but if I suspect my wife is cheating I’m not snooping through her personal shit. All that does is make a bad situation worse. For OP because he found out some shit no husband would want to find out and for OPs wife because he violated her trust.

"She has all but stop texting me, she can go weeks without contacting me, we are currently going through some stuff."

I think we've found the cause of the "stuff".

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This victim role you're pushing yourself into is a defense mechanism and a poor one at that.

Correct way to deal with this is to get your self-esteem back on track. You're a man, approach this situation like one. Open your eyes to what's good about you, what's attractive about you, what you love and like about yourself. Once you remember that you're a good man with a lot to offer, once you remember that you like yourself and want to see yourself succeed - your inner resources will naturally go towards recovering from this correctly and moving on to something better.

How we think about things matters a great deal. In this case it will be a difference in total misery for a long time, or a quick recovery with a relationship with someone better on the horizon.

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Or maybe people like you who jump to conclusions? I wasn't answering to OP first of all, I answered to the dude who literally said 'you're entitled to know what your wife is up to" like going through her personal stuff is the way to go. My answer was regarding that, plus the fact that normal adults communicate, they don't cheat nor do they invade each other's privacy. Please point to exactly where I am defending the cheater =)))

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Hey bro this post seems to be bringing out some bad in you in the comments. Maybe it would be best to get rid of it and really handle this situation personally with people who actually know you and your situation. I hope it gets better man. Sounds like a nightmare but you gotta keep it together for yourself and the kids and make the best of it. Good luck❤️

You fucked up? She fucked up. It's over my friend, be well.

The gender of who did what doesn't matter, invasion of privacy is wrong.

Time to open up that marriage if u wanna save it.

Bro she’s cheating on you, lawyer up and don’t let her get everything

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I took the fuck-up as being that he found out things that he was unaware of previously and now he has to deal with them. But maybe I'm wrong.

Bingo, my point :)

She’s already moved on.

Cheating is cruel no matter who does it. Cheaters always tell the other person bad things about you because they are trying to sooth the other persons fears. She may or may not truly feel that way but staying with her when she is cheating is putting your own life at risk now. Why? Because old STD's are coming back antibiotic resistant. IT is not safe to be with someone who sleeps around.

My dude. You just got rocked, and it's going to take you a long time to recover. Do your future self, and kids a favor, get therapy, and lawyer up. This is going to be one of the biggest decisions of your life, and not caring is not an option. Have the lawyer give you your options, reach out to someone close to lean on. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. There's no shame in this... She fucked up... She hurt you...

Also, collect evidence. Take time off of work if you can... You got this.

>says so, so much.

aww..

ofc going tthru someone's phone is so bad as compared to calling your now husband an ex.

op is a peice of shit imo.

>She talked so bad about me to him we are still married and she called me her ex, telling this guy she can't wait to refinance her car to get me off it. Flirty stuff, being at a sporting event with her and my kids, like wtf. I love this woman so much and by snooping I feel like I completely lost her. Or have I already lost her?

Are you serious? She's gone.

Get a lawyer, protect your assets, and get the hell out.

Taking your head out of the sand isn't what made the sun come out. Becoming aware that your marriage is doomed isn't what killed it.

Sounds like she lost a loyal husband and great partner. Her loss buddy. You will bounce back from this but first you have to go through the hurt sorry for the truth but that's what it is. In the end you are 100% better off.

>Please point to exactly where I am defending the cheater =)))

idk about your privacy thing but if privacy should be a thing in a married couple then i dont think you'll ever discover any cheater. and when you are married i dont think the concept of "personal stuff" shoould exist at all.

maybe im also a shitty person like op.

She isn't "the" victim, but she is a victim of her privacy having been invaded.

I’m sorry your relationship is rocky. It has to be heart wrenching to be in this position.

That said, she does not respect you. Once someone loses respect, it’s game over.

> I'm a peice of shit

No, you're not. If you were just insecure, that'd be one thing. But she gave you a reason to snoop and, what's worse, now she's gaslighting you by telling you that conversation was just bait to make you snoop. No, she got caught. I 100% guarantee you she slept with that guy, and probably more than once. I know that's probably not what you want to hear but it's what you need to hear. You didn't fuck up, she did. You didn't violate the marriage, she did. As for you feeling like you're losing her, I'm sorry, but you lost her long ago. And it's most likely not anything you did. I don't know you so I'm not going to sit here and tell you you're blameless in all this, but nothing justifies cheating.

You're not a piece of shit, she is the piece of shit, and this marriage is over, but not because of you.

OP seems to have not a single care about his children and the only thing that’s bothering him is that his wife who he was separated from may have been cheating on him. I’m not being devil’s advocate as what his wife did is disgusting, but part of me feels we’re missing important details that would make OP look bad.

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It is ovah

I hate to see all this hate on you, clearly your mentally fucked from all this or other things that have happened before and that's ok for now you're in shock and its ok to try and vent in places like this. what you need to do is remove the woman from your life no matter if you love her still or not you need to focus on you and your kids she does not care for you anymore the best thing you can do is move forward without her

What is it she liked about the other guy? Find that out if you want to, but you will need a rock solid foundation where you will not lose confidence over it.

We all know the thrill of the chase and something new can be 99% of the allure. You hear it a lot "I don't know, it was just exciting I can' explain it"

It may not be you that is the problem, just life in general beats on you, and if you feel happier talking to someone else it could just be escapism.

Either way you will need to be rock solid so you can move on without it affecting you mentally, everything like this that happens ends up being a good thing for both people if the right mindset is applied

You messed up, yes. She messed up, too. Talk to your wife. Both of you need to put everything on the table and have a very honest conversation. If you both can do that, you’ll know if this marriage is salvageable. If it is, couples therapy will almost certainly need to be part of the solution b/c trust has been violated by both of you.

People on Reddit always jump to ‘get divorced’ but this is your life, it’s worth at least trying to have a real conversation with your wife as a next step. If she won’t take it seriously and make the effort, then you’ll know it’s too far gone to save.

This doesnt look like a F up. I mean it sucks to find but, this looks like you've saved yourself a lot of future heartache & wasted time. At least now you can begin the process of moving on & rebuilding your life.

If she's calling you her ex and taking your kids to do stuff with him, she's already divorcing you. She's just letting pay some bills first.

If your original post is true and accurate, then it's over, she doesn't love you , and you need to start processing that now.

She bailed on your marriage. This wasn't bait you found this was straight forward evidence that she's cheating. This back and forth arguing isn't necessary, if you 2 thought of only being together and only together for life, she's broken the contract with you, definitely move one, we all each get one life to live. Game over....

My kids will be good no matter what they are strong, plus if we do split, i already know where they will stay, and i will always provide for them. Oh ya, im bad, very insecure, and I was too clingy. At times, I wasn't always the best husband. I wanted to talk but she never wanted to talk which let to now. I am by no means completely innocent but I never cheated.

If this is all true, and you mean that, grow the hell up,

You're a parent. Act like it.

Weirdly enough, this isn't your fault. You had suspicions, and you acted on them. In a healthy relationship, spouses should have no issues sharing their communications with others to their SO. Look, it took me a long time to get over this simple truth, but you can't control how other people feel about you, all you can do is react to the information you're given. She made her choices, and there wasn't anything you could have done to prevent it. The only person who had control over this was her.

Waaaaaiiiittttttt

That's what I'm hoping what happens, she is not a open person so I hope this time she is. Ikr always divorce and get a lowery now. True true

Have you thought about what is wrong in the relationship from her point of view? Do you do your share in your house? Does she carry the full mental load of everything regarding the kids, the household, the pets, the finances? Are you one of those people who leaves the glass in the sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher cause you couldn’t be bothered to check if the dishwasher was was dirty or clean? And if it was clean you don’t want to be bothered to empty it? Does she have to ask you to do everything or do you step right in and take out the trash when you notice it’s full? Do you know the names of your kids teachers, friends, doctor and babysitter? Do you ever schedule anything for them? Doc apt, dental cleaning, play date, summer camp? Do you both work outside the home? If so are you really doing your share at home? How about money? Do you treat money fairly and with respect and together plan your future? Have you taken her out to dinner or cooked her dinner lately? Or on a date? Or bought her a present or flowers?Given her a compliment? Have you kept care of yourself? Hygiene, health, teeth, clothing? Do you support women’s rights and let her know you do? Have you asked her what is missing? Maybe she is gone, maybe not. But give it a shot and at least be the best person, Dad and partner you can be. I think women start to view their partner as another child and it is a buzz kill. Woman want a grown-up partner, we need our needs filled too and when we don’t have it we may look around. Not saying this is your case but if it is, start stepping up for you, for her and for your kids.

She only says she doesn't talk to him. Anything else would just mean that she has to manage your reaction.

She has cheated, and she is never coming back. I think you need to go to r/SupportforBetrayed. Nobody goes to a hotel to play scrabble with someone they have been sending flirty texts.

That's a peculiar way to say you hate your kids.

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Or.. this reads as a kid who is trying to karma farm.. idk man, something is off about all this but forgive me if I'm wrong

Time you prepare the evidence that she is cheating so she gets nothing when its actually over

Leave. This woman doesn’t love you at all and there is no way your relationship has any future.

Prepare the divorce already and focus on yourself and your kids.

Judging by OP's comment history, I would be checked out too. Tons of cringy comments on various porn subreddits.

Fair

Don't do that to yourself. Clear your head and talk to a lawyer.

Often, men get short changed, and I personally would have been had I just gone with an attitude like this.

They will give everything to her like you request, and make your life miserable in the process, and frankly, your kids deserve two happy parents post-divorce, not one. And that won't happen if you just simply give it all up.

She's already gone and probably already cheated... physically. You may be able to recover from this with therapy and a lot of work and love, but you may not want to.

Right NOW you do want to fix things. Probably more than anything else in the world. It's probably really hard to let yourself see how unhappy you've been as well.

Probably the best thing my ex wife could have done for me was the thing that hurt me most in my life. She refused to try and repair our relationship after cheating while I begged for resolution. We divorced after 2 years of torment, and I made some incredible life changes that I could have never made with her. In hindsight, she was fiercely holding me back

dump that shit, not worth your time any longer. she's not your woman anymore, probably never was, sad, i know, ive been there too.

Given his attitude about the situation and his kids being taken, it seems both parties have contributed to this one sided story he's giving

It’s over man, even if she’s done with the other guy whatever you had over the last 10-20 years obviously didn’t mean anything to her after a certain point. Take care of yourself and the kids and move on

It's game over bro.

If I didn't go snooping I'd have never found out about my ex wife, I was sad at first but it gave me the chance to find someone who actually loves me. It'll take some time.

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You’re right, the gender of the people doesn’t matter at all, but they are still gendered humans so using gendered language to describe them is fairly normal communication.!

Your comment adds nothing to the topic or the conversation, congrats

Maybe she found your reddit account and how you've been leaving a fuck load of comments on porn subs for at least a year.

You caught a cheat, get a lawyer, start seperating entirely.

judging by your comment history this is either a karma farming post written by a 17 year old or you don't care at all whether or not you stay married.

You have children who need a stable home, food, clothing, school supplies--that's 1/2 your responsibility, so your assets need to be divided equally. You're a grown-up who needs to provide for them.

I know what it feels like to get in that state of depression. You really want to stay in a dark room by yourself and it doesn't help that others will think you're "playing the victim."

Do what you can, if you want to talk or vent feel free to message me.

Even if she says she doesnt talk to HIM anymore and IF she is still not talking to you as if she has as other mention checked out of your marriage, then you did not FU.

You simply found out the truth that she is not willing to be honest and tell you. Also if she does not want you on anything that means she is preparing for something which I would assume is divorce.

The one thing you did not mention is children and hopefully there are none so they dont have to go thru this process.

Honestly what do you have to lose by telling her? She will more than likely throw it back in your face as if it is your fault when in reality SHE is the one with those messages still on her phone. Stand your ground especially IF you have done nothing as she has done.

She is fully in the wrong IF she is the only one of you who is doing things outside the marriage.

As someone who has been through this. She is GONE. physically. Mentally. Emotionally. And based on the tests you saw you NEED a lawyer. You need one now. Before she has one. You need to serve her first. With the affair being the reason legally.

Nah don’t be guilty about looking through her phone. Sometimes you have to trust your instinct especially if you’re getting bread crumbs of something being wrong. That’s how I found out about my ex emotionally cheating.

Check his comment history before you commit to that statement.

Get a lawyer and dont do anything stupid like that

And the fact he says he's single in nearly every comment, complaining about how alone he is and self pitying

Also I know you’re upset. But like. Dude. Care about the entire life you made.

Women check out long before they call it quits.

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She's openly and publicly doing things with this other person (going to sports games with your kids?), she's not secretly cheating. She seems obviously over your marriage, and the fact that you have to turn to the internet to figure that out is pretty telling. Split up or start over.

Don’t make an emotional decision that can financially impact the rest of your life. Get a lawyer, think about it as a business transaction and remove emotion from the proceedings. See a therapist about the emotional element. Do not mix the two.

By the sounds of it, you lost her way before you decided to snoop through her phone.

You have two options from what I can tell: end it, or confront her about everything and see where that takes you.

Lawyer is a good start. A mental health professional would also be good OP. This type of thing can take a huge toll and be very damaging in a lot of ways. Take care of yourself during these uncertain times

Come on man don’t let yourself go like this.

It’s over when you feel the need to check her phone. It’s over when you actually do check her phone. Not excusing what she did, but you must have known on some level, that’s why you felt the need to snoop. When you feel that need it’s over, either you can’t trust her or she can’t trust you. Maybe y’all can move past it, but I’d bet it’s going to take some counseling.

😂😂 she does the same

Same thing happened to me. She ended up leaving and sleeping around. Begged my forgiveness, asked me to take her back, promising change. 2 months later she did it again. Divorce is pending. Do yourself a favor… run. And don’t look back. It’s not worth it. Trust is gone, and she’s already decided she’s gone.

You knew way before going through her phone. Going through her phone was an act of desperation, hoping the suspicions weren’t true. The best bet just let it go. Find a new hobby to fill your time.

Anything*

Man what has this woman done to you.

I have seen your comments and she has broken you, you seem to have no will left to do anything about this and just want to give up.

This needs to stop dude, you got kids to think about and they need to be the only thing on your mind now, forget your wife as she has done to you and get it together for those kids as they are really going to need you through this and seriously if you let them down during this period that may be it for you and your kids and the relatioships you have may never ever recover.

I really wish you all the bst.

If you’re acting this way over a cheater, you deserve to be left with nothing. Get over yourself.

walk away and keep your dignity and respect and get a lawyer

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Dude wtf

These are very good points. I’d be interested in ops answer.

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You had me until the end part where you said “we may look around”. If you don’t initiate a breakup/divorce when you’re unhappy and instead you cheat on someone, you’re a POS

Yeah, based on your post history, I would be cheating on you too.

Ah well, this is just a roller coaster, you both fucked up, you looked, and knowing you did find stuff maybe you had reasons to suspect, but she did you dirty first so...

Good. Because that's what women want during a divorce.

There's a reason why men mentally break down over financials of a divorce. it's because women make financial gains an overwhelming majority of the time in contrast to men.

Even if you get a lower paying job, it's likely you'll owe her a percentage based on how much you made while with her.

You can't win. You are fucked. And it's because society treats women like little cupcakes. Even criminal sentencing is more lenient on women, like it's more lenient for white people (in contrast to black people)

Get a lawyer. If she wants to leave that's fine, but she got to decide to be with you and then leave for financial gains, and she should go to hell for using men like that.

This breaks my heart...but it's not your fuck up.

Lawyer up, bro. Fight for your kids.

The Reddit Detective

Yep. Something fishy from the get go

You didn't fuck up. You hit the lottery by snooping. Time to lawyer up and start your new life. Sucks that you gotta go through it. This lady was bringing this random dude around your kids. Don't give a fuck if you guys are or we're going through some shit. She is clearly fucking this guy and still is talking to him.

There is a lot of damage. Call me naive, but if you are both willing too do the work then I say don't give up. Go to therapy together. Court her again. If you love her, you have children, and she's willing, don't give up. It is going to be hard, but I wouldn't give up. DM me if you want to chat more.

Family, friends, therapist - talk to them if you have 'em. Get really into your hobbies or find new ones. Health and fitness, whatever you can. Find the things that give you comfort and do those. Do everything you can to invest in yourself. Draw open the curtains. Open the windows. Get outside to green spaces. Heal before you get back out there. All of your anger, hurt and despair should be focused into improving you. Do not seek comfort in drugs or alcohol. You will have to acknowledge these feelings. Its a little easier at first if you just keep busy. Its going to suck. It will get better, slowly. But you will come out the other side better if you do all of these things.

So sorry. That’s my nightmare.
But you have to face it like a man and stop acting like you don’t care. You obviously care and you have to find a way to coexist.

Don't think like that. You should be angry not defeated. She cheated on you while you were married and had children together. Thats one of the largest betrayals of trust you can have. Don't let her get a single scrap more than what she gets when you go to a lawyer and stand up for yourself. Fuck that woman and I'd say the same thing if it was the man cheating on his wife. Fuck anybody who would throw away that kind of history so they could screw somebody else.

She says she doesn’t talk to them anymore, but she also said you were divorced! Get out.

If this is all true sorry man. I think you already know that it’s over, and if I were you I would confront that dude and stand up for yourself. Don’t let her use you like a toy she can manipulate around because you are her husband. Punch that dude in the face bang her friend and get a lawyer that deals in unfaithful divorce, it helps in a judge understanding the situation so he can make the best decision for the children.

This 110% man. It sucks, but you have to deal with reality. And the reality is, she is not the loving, caring partner you deserve. She is now in dorect competition with you for ypur happiness. She is not a full blown enemy because you need to be as cordial as possible for the kids to have the best life they can; but she is not a teammate in life either.

Do what is best for you and your kids.

jfc if you think marriage means sharing absolutely everything all the time please go and get some fucking therapy

These comments demonstrate the total lack of support and respect men dealing with mental health issues/relationship issues get.

Basically just a slew of people blaming OP and effectively telling OP to "man up", fucking pathetic.

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OP I assume that mentally you are at a real low and just want all this to go away.

Sadly its not going to be like this. It could be time for a big reset in your life and to reinvent yourself as someone with clear boundaries, surrounded by people who genuinely care for your welfare. I don't know the full picture of course but it's not uncommon for people to lose their own social networks and support systems when in a dysfunctional relationship. By the time the relationship fails, people can be a pale shadow of themselves. Right now you may be far away from who you really are. The best version of you.

You are feeling guilt about phone snooping but considering the aporent warning signs you followed up on those and found out things you didn't want to. Under normal circumstances you could say phone snooping is a violation of trust but this all sounds anything but normal. Putting yourself in the "I'm a bad person" bucket makes no sense at all and you should not crucify yourself. It is utterly pointless and non constructive, especially given the other priorities.

For the sake of your own long term self respect and self esteem, get a lawyer, and just as importantly reach out to those friends and family you have who care about you. Put your trust in them and not reddit. Seeing a non-quack psychologist or therapist will do wonders for you.

Dude's in a dead bedroom with his wife cheating on him.

Give him a break.

No one said “man up”, just for him to leave. You’re reaching.

Edit: I was wrong. Leaving this up here to take my downvotes like a champ.

Does it fucking matter tho?

If you're wrong for not putting a glass in the dishwasher how is that justifying breaking trust and speak in a bad manner about the person you're sharing your life with.
Not even thinking about the disgust of meeting up with that person in an hotel room.

Even if he was wrong for being worse like not being emotionally available, how is it ever justified?

I'm not saying OP shouldn't be striving to be the best he can be or even try to fix his relationship.

But if you can't talk about the small stuff like not cleaning the dishwasher, don't even bother having a relationship.

He deleted his account and now has reposted the story on ANOTHER account he’s using to reply to comments here. Seems like he didn’t want people to find out about that.

OP deleted it before the rest of us could read it

To paraphrase some if the most highly up voted comments:

"dude grow the fuck up"

"I would leave him too looking at his comments history"

"seeing how he just complains about being lonely and is full of self pity, I would leave him too"

Vile, yet standard responses for men dealing with mental health or relationship issues.

I don’t think anyone should ever cheat. And I didn’t mean to say it is ok to cheat. But I think people may look when unhappy. And if you view your partner as a child you may not bother to want to work on the relationship first. A thousand cuts is usually what kills a relationship.

She's a whore...Call an attorney.

aww...imagine you hv to curse to say an illogical arugment,

then if you hv to hide anything from your life partner then you are making the thing more and more SUS bout you.

literally just how I talk but okay

fine by me.

so anyways do you share your toothbrush or is that an okay "personal" item to have?

if my partner wants to use it, fine by me.

i'll buy a new one for me.

PLEASE LAWYER UP I promise you will regret not fighting this for the rest of your life. She will screw you over as hard as she can. Stand up as a man and a father. Go get a lawyer, go to therapy! Don't let depression and hopelessness creep in, don't let your kids down, don't let your lying rat wife triumph!

I got divorced at 24 after 5 years of marriage and 3 kids. I didn't fight at first and she screwed me over. She got BOTH of our cars, I got all our $30,000+ in debt. There's so much more injustice, but I don't want to write a text wall.

I started pushing back legally about a year later, now I have 100% child custody, she pays me child support (only $367/mo, but still), I claim all child tax credits, and I've worked my debt down to under $17,000. I've used therapy to recover and become stronger than I've ever been in every way. I'm now remarried to a woman 100x stronger, smarter, bolder, kinder, more loving, more beautiful than my ex wife. I should've fought from the start.

You must fight for this! You can do it! Do it!